Sideways
by imgoingtocallyoufern
Summary: "Some say that if a crush lasts for more than four months, than you're in love. This was much more than a crush, and they both knew it. So what happens when you've been infatuated with someone for 36 months? Had she fallen in love with him nine times? Or had she just wasted 156 weeks craving him?" (DENSI)
1. The Calm Before the Storm

**Takes place before season 4 finale, directly after Parley. This is gonna be a **_**long **_**one, so please add it to your alerts! I've been meaning to write a story that I can extent for awhile, so here ya go! I really hope you enjoy. Maybe leave me a review if you did? I love getting those emails:)**

**-Hazel**

**P.S. I know this chapter is kinda short; the others will be longer. I promise:)**

* * *

Kensi sat at home with a beer in one hand and a burger in another. She thought about what Deeks would say if he was here- he usually gave her grief for her seemingly obvious junk food addiction.

There she went again, randomly letting her mind drift to her partner and his whereabouts. Things with Deeks were a bit strange at the moment. Well, _A bit _might be an understatement. They had just had a conversation that practically consisted solely of the word _good. _

Deeks: I was just gonna see if you were good.

Kensi: Yeah. You?

Deeks: I'm good, if you're good.

Kensi: I'm good.

Deeks: Okay. That's good. We're good. Which is, you know, great.

Kensi: I'm glad we cleared that up. ... See ya tomorrow.

It was one of the most confusing chats that she had ever had with him, and it was comprised of a mere six sentences. She analyzed his every word, and hung on everything he said. It wasn't the banter that they normally shared back and forth. They were serious. _He _was serious. If that didn't startle her into believing that they both had feelings for one another, than practically nothing could.

Kensi set down her burger and beer, placing her head in her hands.

'How are we supposed to continue this?' Kensi thought to herself. She'd had these feelings for quite some time, after that day they seemed to be pushed to the forefront of her mind.

Kensi and Deeks had a great friendship and a great partnership, and she didn't know if she could risk that. But then again, Kensi wondered if she could live with herself if she _didn't_ act upon her feelings.

They worked together brilliantly, like a well-oiled machine. Day in and day out, they solved crimes, brought criminals to justice, all the while making one another extremely happy. They were basically one another's best friend.

'That damn word', Kensi thought. The one word that confused her more than any other at the moment. _Friend. _Was that what Deeks was? _A friend? _She certainly didn't act that way around her other _friends. _Just as Deeks had said that morning, "_I'm sure Sam doesn't act this way while Callen is undercover,"_

He liked her, and she liked him. The feelings went so much deeper than that though. This certainly was no middle school crush. Deeks came into her life and seemed to effortlessly know what to do with all the broken pieces. There were a lot of them; and over the years he slowly helped her reconstruct most everything. Except her love life- that was a freaking mess.

She didn't just _like Deeks, _and thinking about the only other alternative made Kensi's heart beat in a nearly supersonic way. Her hands became clammy and she wiped them on her jeans. The only alternative was _love. _Kensi quickly cleared that thought out of her mind as swiftly as it had come flooding in.

'You can't love him, he is your partner. ' She thought as she fidgeted with her TV remote, flipping it to Top Model in an attempt to drown out the thoughts coming from her own mind.

Just as Kensi began to calm herself and settle back into her sofa, the screen of her phone lit up next to her. She nonchalantly glanced down at the caller ID- she wasn't planning on picking it up. Quickly though she tossed the TV remote to the sofa cushion next to her as she sprang up to grab it- it was Deeks.

She pondered why he could possibly be calling. Kensi glanced down at her watch- 12:16 AM. Her heart began racing again as she thought of the only other reason he'd call at such a late hour; this was not a work related phone call.

"Deeks?" Kensi said, nervously waiting to hear his voice on the other end of the line and clearing her throat just after the word exited her mouth. How could that man make her so damn nervous without even saying a word?

"Hey Kens," Deeks said in a quiet, almost shy voice. She would've sworn that she hear his crooked smile through the phone.

Deeks heart raced and his palms became sweaty as he heard Kensi's voice- he wasn't expecting her to pick up.

All evening he had just been sitting at home, doing basically the same thing as Kensi- minus the junk food and top model of course. He was thinking about her nonstop. Not just her though, her and _him. _

He thought back to how she had sounded sitting in the car while he was inside with Monica- it was obvious she was jealous. He hated it when she felt that way, because truthfully he couldn't stand Monica. She had been hurt unnecessarily, and he dwelled on it letting his worries about her whittle away at him like a dog gnaws on a bone.

"_I've missed you too." He had said jokingly into his cell phone as he answered her call. "Not from what I've seen," she replied, entirely bitter about the situation that they were both stuck in._

He also recalled their quick, awkward, and tedious conversation when Kensi gave him the letter from Hetty. He'd watched her deep brown eyes flutter with uncertainty, as she left leaving many things unsaid. Most of all, he hated how she'd walked out of that room, tears looking as if they were moments away from flooding into her eyes.

After battling with his thoughts for nearly five hours, Deeks finally decided to give Kensi a call.

"Hey… what's up?" Kensi asked anxiously after a minute. She had no clue what the hell was going on, but was willing to play along for his sake.

Truthfully, he wasn't sure what he was going to say to her. She was quite inconspicuous and unassuming about her feelings towards him, always had been. For once the man of a million words had nothing to say, so Deeks decided to act upon gut instinct, and he just let words flow out of his mouth.

"Um, I wanna talk. Can you maybe come over for a bit?" Deeks asked tediously. He was treading on soft ground, and he knew it. One misstep and he could fall- far, far away from her.

It was quite difficult to stubble across someone like Kensi. She was cute, generous, smart, sexy, caring and funny as hell. It was even harder to find a girlfriend like that- Deeks hoped that he already had.

Momentarily, all that Kensi could hear was the thump of her beating heart hammering through the shell of her body. At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to just be near him. It was late, but what did she care? It wasn't like she was going to be able to fall asleep any time soon. She wished she could teleport herself to him, which sadly was unattainable. She did have the next best thing though: a car.

"Be there in 10." She said. All Deeks heard was cackling, and then three little beeps as Kensi dropped the phone into her bag, and ran towards her car.


	2. Unabridged

**Thanks for the reviews and PMs! I really hope you guys like this next installment:)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Deeks sat on his couch, staring at his cell phone until the screen's color faded to black. What had he just done? He knew exactly what he'd done- his emotions had gotten the best of him. He had just called his partner in the middle of the night to say that he needed her, and frankly he couldn't believe it.

Earlier that day he had been so close to stopping Kensi and saying something to her after their 'I'm good' conversation. He desperately wanted to make her stay, and to tell her how he felt, but he just couldn't do it. It wasn't the right place, or the right time.

He was beginning to doubt that now wasn't the right time either. Deeks hadn't been able to sleep for the past few days- not with how he was feeling about Kensi.

He was feeling the effects of sleep deprivation settle in, and was swiftly realizing that he might have just made a huge mistake. But on the other hand, badass Kensi Blye had just agreed to come over to his apartment. In the middle of the night. He knew that he had to be on her mind as well.

Deeks stood, pacing back and forth, his eyes glancing over to the door until Kensi buzzed. It had only been ten minutes, but it had felt like a lifetime.

He basically ran over to the buzzer and pushed it once, then twice for good measure. He certainly didn't want to leave her waiting outside.

About a minute later, Kensi knocked on his door three times. He opened up immediately, as he'd waited right there for her. His heart nearly stopped altogether, as she looked gorgeous, just like usual. It was the middle of the night though, and he didn't understand how she could constantly be so perfect.

She seemed slightly amused as he opened the door. Kensi had never seen Deeks so anxious to see her- it was one part charming and the other alarming.

Monty always barked madly when she walked in the door, wagging his tail happily and licking her hand. She leaned down to pet him and looked up, locking eyes with Deeks.

"Hey," Deeks said, hands in his pockets as he stood in the doorway. "Hey," Kensi said, the exact same look that she'd had earlier gracing her face as she stared into his baby blue eyes. A moment of silence passed as they just stared at one another. They both had a feeling as to what was coming, and neither of them knew what to do or say.

"Um… please, come in!" Deeks said, breaking the silence as he looked behind himself, gesturing into his apartment. Kensi told herself to pull it together as she stood up, swallowed the lump in her throat and walked inside.

His home was absolutely lovely, even though she'd never admit it to him. Everything was perfectly organized, his OCD just as apparent in his home as it was at work.

She turned around to face him, his perfectly shaggy blonde hair falling just flawlessly around his face. Once again they both just stared at one another, the silence eating up their words.

"Look, Deeks I-"

"Kensi, you need to know that-"

Kensi blushed, and gestured her hand out, giving Deeks the floor to speak. She figured that he should be the first to talk; he had been the one to call her.

"You first." Kensi said, smiling all the while to cover up her anxiety. She desperately wanted to know what he had to say, and was glad that he had been the one to call her- he had to explain himself first.

Deeks looked down at his shoes, apprehension swelling up inside of him. "I just… I don't know Kens… I felt like we needed to talk."

"Okay, Deeks. Talk." Kensi said not rudely at all, just matter of factly.

"I don't exactly know what to say, Kensi." Deeks said, looking back up to meet her unwavering gaze. Honsestly, he didn't know where to begin. He wished that he'd taken those ten minutes to prepare something to say, but nothing would come to him. He had absolutely no idea what to do, and he didn't want to make the first move if Kensi wasn't willing to follow with one herself.

"You don't know what to say, or you know what to say and you just don't want to?" Kensi asked. She was putting the pressure on him now, but she needed to. They had both been in denial about their feelings for too long. It was something they did, and they did it well. Problem was, sometimes it didn't completely hide the truth.

"You can't just continue to stay quiet Deeks." Kensi added, almost under her breath. Of course he heard her though.

Deeks was still at a loss for words. Maybe he was wrong; maybe they were ready to talk, finally. They had awful communication skills, and neither one of them tended to say what they really meant.

"Staying quiet doesn't necessarily mean that I have nothing to say, it just means that I don't know if you're ready to hear my thoughts." Deeks said, pausing to look back down at his shoes.

"What if I am ready Deeks?" Kensi said quietly, taking two steps closer to him. "To hear what it is that you have to say." Kensi swallowed hard, allowing her strong emotions towards him to finally bubble up towards the surface. She needed to know how he felt about her, and now was as good of a time as any.

Deeks looked back up at her one more time, questioning her for the last time. "Are you sure?" Behind his constant mask of jokes and smiles, Deeks was always nervous that whatever he said would make his partner either slug him or shoot him. At that moment, he definitely didn't want to say something that he shouldn't.

Okay, now he was just pissing her off. "Yes Deeks!" she exclaimed, walking quickly towards him, closing the gap between them. "I want you to say what you mean for once in your life! I want you to actually talk to me, not just continue to mess with me!"

Her words shocked Deeks. Is that what she thought? Did she think that he was just _messing_ with her? "Is that what you think I am doing Kensi?" Deeks asked, offended that she could even think that. "You think that I am toying with you? You think that this is all a game to me?"

Deeks was a wiseass, but not a jackass. He wouldn't push her buttons, flirt with her, and make her believe that he had feelings for her if he didn't.

He did believe that he had made that quite clear: he liked her. A lot. Maybe loved her, even. Hell, it seemed as if the entire world knew it except for the two of them.

"Well, it is what your known for, isn't it Deeks?" Kensi asked, each one holding the others steady gaze. "This is what you do. You play on peoples emotions. I shouldn't of thought that I was any different."

By that point, she was angry. As well as scared- a descent mixture of the two.

"If that is what you think Kensi, then well…" He said, anger flaring up inside of him. "then you can just leave. If you don't care about me or us-" Deeks said, pausing on the _us,_ "then you can just leave." He stared her down, waiting for a response. The last thing that he wanted was for her to walk out that door, but he felt that he had no other choice.

"Fine! I'll go."She walked towards the door, stopping and spinning around to say one last thing. "Also, Is that really what you believe Deeks? That I don't care about you?" she continued on, quickly adding under her breath, "Guess you're more oblivious than I thought."

She pushed past Deeks and momentarily paused for a split second at his door. She wanted more than anything for him to stop her before she left, but of course he didn't. She felt that after she crossed that threshold, she was leaving him in more ways than one.

Kensi slammed the door shut behind her as tears began to stream silently down her face. His words haunted her as she walked down the hall. Was he really just about to reveal his feelings, and she'd silenced him? She wanted to hear what he had to say, and for some strange reason she hadn't let him.

Kensi's cheeks were flushed, and her breathing was shallow as her troubled figure ran the last few steps into the elevator.

She indignantly pressed level one and knelt to the floor, placing her head in her hands.

Some say that if a crush lasts for more than four months, than you're in love. This was much more than a crush, and they both knew it. So what happens when you've been infatuated with someone for 36 months? Had she fallen in love with him nine times? Or had she just wasted 156 weeks craving him?

So didn't know what to think or how to feel. All she knew was that she was alone. She was alone and she was crying. She was crying, and he was gone.


	3. Not Broken, Just Bent

**I know, I know... lots of cliffhangers here! I will be updating this story daily, so definitely add it to your alerts! Thank you so much for the reviews and PMs, I love receiving them- so if you like the story, please leave me your thoughts! (It definitely gives me motivation to write:) **

**-Hazel**

* * *

Deeks pressed his head up against the front door. He'd stood there for about five minutes after Kensi left, umoving. "I am such an idiot!" He suddenly exclaimed aloud, and turned around to watch Monty cock his head to one side.

He felt as though his body and mind were in a state of emergency, as if an alarm was sounding inside of him, letting him know that it was time to panic. That it was time to wonder how to fix this horrifying mess that he had just made.

Yes, Kensi was at fault too. But he had just let her leave. He'd let her believe that what she said about him was true, that he was still a playboy and that he wasn't going to change. Which was dead wrong. He had become a changed man over the years since he met Kensi. Whether she just hadn't noticed or hadn't cared too, he had no clue- but she was wrong.

He couldn't bear the thought that this was how it was going to be from now on: just awkward. How could they continue to work together after an argument like that?

Deeks knew that there was no chance that he could ever move on from Kensi. He couldn't just cut and run when there was so much at stake. Their jobs, their partnership. That wasn't even taking into account their personal relationship. He thought of how formal that sounded, and how far from the truth that really was.

It was less of a relationship and more of a maze. They were both trapped inside running around in circles, telling one another how they felt without actually saying the words. Eventually, they needed to find their way out, together. Because he knew that in the end, what he did wasn't going to be nearly as interesting or important as who he did it with.

He needed to speak the truth, even if his voice shook while he did it. Deeks just had to make it right, and he had to do it soon, before the situation was out of his hands.

* * *

Kensi hopped in her car with tears streaming down her face, and just drove. She wasn't heading home, because if she went there she would have to think about what had just happened at Deeks' apartment; she would have to deal with the consequences of their talk.

It wasn't much of a talk though; it was a random _I need to be with you_ phone call that had quickly escaladed into a full-blown, middle of the night spat, like they were some old married couple.

A hiccuping sob escaped her lips. Kensi felt awful, her stomach was in knots. Not one other human being on this planet could affect her this way. Nobody could make her unbelievably happy or inexplicably heartbroken like he could.

She wondered momentarily if her doubts had been right, and maybe Deeks was the same guy she'd stumbled upon three years ago- a playboy who had no regard for her feelings whatsoever. Maybe he had lead her on.

'No,' she quickly thought. 'He would never do that- not to me.'

Kensi even defended him, in her mind, to herself. If that wasn't love, than she had no clue what was. Love cannot be found where it doesn't exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does. And she was sick and tired of trying to find it with others, and attempting to hide it with Deeks.

Their past troubled her, as she had seen him flirt nonstop with almost every pretty girl in the time that they'd been partners. More recently though, he had changed, and she should've acknowledged that earlier. Kensi hadn't though, and the damage had been done.

As they both saw back at Deeks' place, she got angry when she was upset or scared. This certainly hadn't worked out in her favor, and something needed to change. Kensi knew that it was wrong for her to doubt Deeks, as he had proven to her time and time again that he wanted her, and only her.

Over the years, when Kensi had tried to analyze their relationship, she found that the best thing she could compare her and Deeks to was rain. She was a mere drizzle, while he was a hurricane. And damn, what a strong storm he was. He blew into her life, uprooting everything that she thought she knew. He was constantly changing how she felt about herself and almost every single aspect of her own life. For years she had remained the same. A dedicated soldier, and then later, a federal agent. Deeks changed everything though, and in that moment, she wanted to be with him more than anything.

She wanted him to come and fix her and love her and tell her that everything would be alright. Because though she would never admit it to him, every time she laughed she hoped he was watching. Not so that he'd see that she was happy, but that maybe, just maybe, he'd fall for her smile just as hard as she'd fallen for his.

She wanted the impending sadness to go away. It was rapidly approaching and consuming her entire body, and she needed him to come help her before there was nothing left that he could repair.

She needed Deeks to just be, well... Deeks.

* * *

After thirty minutes of contemplating what to do, Deeks decided he'd call her. That hadn't worked out too well the last time, but he needed to make everything right. He walked over to his couch, sat down and took a deep breath, pressing the first number on his speed dial. It rang once, twice, three times. Then he got her voicemail. 'Hello. You have reached the voicemail of Kensi Blye. Please leave me a message and I'll return your call- thank you.'

He was surprised that she hadn't answered- she never missed one of his calls. Tonight had been quite different than normal though, and he understood that she might not want to talk to him.

After waiting for the beep, he decided he'd leave her a message, even if it was rambly.

"Hey Kens, it's Deeks. Look, I know what I need to say to you, but I just don't want to do it over the phone. Let's talk tomorrow. I… I'm sorry. So, yeah. Okay. Bye."

He hung up the phone, walked into his room and tossed his phone on the bed.

Since he had just sat on the floor of his apartment for about thirty minutes over-analyzing Kensi's every word, Deeks decided that he desperately needed a shower. It was the easiest way for him to clear his head, and he needed to decide what he was going say before he spoke to her again- hopefully in person, tomorrow.

He glanced at the clock before wandering into his bathroom- it was well past 2:00 AM. Time for a shower and sleep.

Deeks showered and reentered his room to find the blue light on his cell phone flashing. He got butterflies in his stomach like a twelve year old girl as he thought about who it could possibly be: Kensi. He ran over and touched his phone to light up the screen.

His heart sunk though, as he saw that he had ten missed calls- three from Callen, two from Sam, and five from Hetty, all in the last few minutes.

Deeks suddenly felt like he'd just received a punch to the gut, and he didn't know why. His heart lurched from his chest as he contemplated what this could all possibly mean. He couldn't find an answer, so Deeks hastily fumbled to type in his password and return the most recent missed call, which was from Callen.

Only one ring, and he picked up. At that late of an hour, that fact alone was alarming.

"Callen! What the hell is going on? Is everyone alright?" Deeks asked, the panic apparent in his voice.

He heard what sounded like stifled tears coming from the other end of the line, and sirens in the background.

"Deeks- Kensi has been in a car wreck, right off exit five on the 405. You need to get down here now." Deeks' breath hitched in his throat, and he felt pure, unbridled terror settle in. He thought that this night couldn't have gotten any worse, but obviously it just had.

Deeks dropped his phone onto the bed, and ran to his dresser. He couldn't even breathe, or begin to think about what any of this meant, so he just concentrated on getting both legs into his sweatpants.

Deeks grabbed his keys and phone, turned around in one fluid motion and just ran, cumbrously jumping over Monty. He didn't even bother to lock the door behind him as he sprinted to the staircase- he couldn't bear to just stand in the elevator.

In that moment, he desperately needed to be with the woman he loved. But by the sound in Callen's voice, he didn't know how much longer he'd have with her.

After he jumped in his car and started the engine, Deeks bowed his head, said a prayer, and began to weather the storm that was closing in.


	4. What Lies Beneath the Surface

Wow-** my computer has darn near exploded people! Thanks so much for the support, you are all amazing. I was planning on waiting another day to upload this chapter, but you were all so kind that I didn't want to leave you hanging! Anyway, please leave me your thoughts in the review section below, and enjoy! =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Deeks drove as fast as he possibly could down the empty freeway. There wasn't a car in sight, which felt quite eerie in LA where traffic was usually a nightmare. He felt like a mess, even though he'd just showered. His hair was still wet- he hadn't even bothered to towel dry it before he left. His outfit consisted of a black tee shirt, an old gray hoodie, and black flip-flops.

It was 3:06 AM, but any type of exhaustion he had felt before was long gone. Adrenaline had quickly moved in to take its place, and was now pumping through his veins. He felt that every moment he wasn't with Kensi, he was losing precious time.

'_Time that could be spent telling her how I feel… Now I might not get to.' _Deeks shook his head, as if he was trying to rid his brain of the thoughts that had quickly made their way to the forefront of his mind, succeeding all the others.

Though he had no idea what had happened, Deeks couldn't help but feel responsible for Kensi's crash. '_If I hadn't made her leave, she would be fine.' _These thoughts caused a whole new wave of emotions to wash over him, as despair and remorse set in.

Deeks couldn't bear even the possibility of losing Kensi. He had felt that same terror enough times before that he probably should've been used to it, but that wasn't how it worked. It was impossible to get used to losing someone that he loved as much as Kensi, because if she was gone, than a part of him was gone as well.

That time seemed different though, as he felt they had so much more to loose. They had both come so close to nearly crossing the line that they'd danced upon for so long, and he hoped that they'd still have a chance to.

He was in love with her, and he could finally admit it to himself. Deeks counted her as a sort of better, shinier part of him that could be cut from him a thousand different ways, but he knew he'd never do that because they were so much stronger as a united force.

Sometimes you know in your heart that you love someone, but it takes almost losing them for your mind to figure it all out. He prayed that he hadn't waited _too _late though; that he would still be able to see her and tell her how he felt, once and for all.

It seemed as if he'd been given just a sliver of what could be. How perfect his life could be with her. And just as he began to want it more, it was being ripped away from him. All of those depressing thoughts made him drive faster- now he was going 90 mph.

The site of Kensi's crash was a mere twenty minutes from his house, but the drive seemed to take hours. He just stared straight ahead as his bright blue eyes swam in their sockets.

He abruptly pressed the accelerator as he saw it: exit 5. It was a winding ramp off the left of the freeway, and he quickly spun his steering wheel, palms damp and clammy with sweat. He pulled up towards an array of cops, medics, and firefighters.

As he parked and stepped out of his car, life seemed to move in slow motion. Rain misted through the air, and couldn't tell if it was that or the tears that flooded into his eyes upon seeing a fiery car wreck that was clouding his vision. Two cars sat crumpled together, one plowed into the side of the other.

He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat: Kensi's car was the one that had been hit. Anger flared up inside of him, and his soul felt exceedingly empty, as if all happiness or descent emotion in general had been stolen from his body.

He flashed his badge at whoever needed to see it and ran towards the cars, screaming her name.

Deeks could do nothing but inhale a deep sob and silent scream, knees nearly buckling at the sight before him. He almost dropped to the ground as he saw the outline of a lifeless body underneath a blue tarp. His whole world tilted sideways, his vision narrowed to pinpricks. He felt as if a splinter of glass had somehow worked its way into his heart.

Only moments later though, he noticed someone he barely recognized as Kensi being wheeled into an ambulance on a stretcher. Deeks darted in her direction, stopping only fleetingly when a paramedic told him he needed to stay back.

"Fat chance. That's my partner." Deeks said, declaratively. He shoved past people until he reached Kensi, who was still outside the ambulance as medics scrambled about around him, carrying braces, oxygen masks, and miscellaneous medical materials.

Upon seeing her, Deeks' feet wobbled, and it was arduous, nearly impossible to remain standing. She had an oxygen mask on her face, which was covering up some of the damage. Her right eye was nearly swollen shut, and her face looked bashed and bruised. He saw blood dripping down from a cut on her chin, slowly spreading to make a crimson stain on her white Henley, which was covered in black soot from the fire.

Through all of the bruises and blood, she was still the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen. The most beautiful people are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle and known loss. Kensi certainly had known all of those, but she still continued to persevere. She charged on, even when it seemed that things couldn't get worse.

Kensi had an appreciation, sensitivity, and an understanding of life that filled her with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people like her didn't come along but once in a lifetime, and he needed her to stay with him- always.

He clumsily dashed past people so he could stand right by her side, grabbing her hand and gently interlocking his fingers in hers. Since Kensi and Deeks were often in situations where their lives could be ended by even the tiniest of sounds, they had learned to speak with their eyes.

In that moment, he had never been so happy to possess a single skill. Kensi was being silenced by the mask that was concealing most of her face, and even if he had tried to say something to her, he doubted that she'd be able to hear it through all the chaos.

So he kept his mouth closed, and spoke to her in a hundred silent ways.

Her left eye fluttered awake briefly at his gesture, and he felt her very vaguely wrap her fingers around his. Deeks managed to show her a small crooked smile, her favorite, through his own barely audible tears.

Deeks wasn't sure in that moment if he was saying goodbye to Kensi; for he had no way of knowing. He could only hope and pray that she held on, for herself and for him. He did know one thing for certain though: the most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said, and never explained.

The paramedics quickly caught up with them, and ordered Deeks to step aside. He did as he was told this time- the last thing he wanted was to be the one who prevented Kensi from getting the care she needed.

He gave her hand a light squeeze before he let go. The paramedics lifted her stretcher up into the ambulance, and her eyes closed again. Deeks ran a hand over his mouth and through his hair as he stood, unmoving. He breathlessly watched the doors of the ambulance close, and suddenly felt inexplicably alone.

He by himself now, the fiery wreckage of the crash to his back, rain dripping down his neck. Momentarily, he was hollow- a person without emotions like an empty shell. Then, the feelings came rushing in seemingly all at once, threatening to drown him in his own misery. She needed to be okay. She had to live.

As he stood there, watching the ambulance drive away from him, Deeks suddenly missed everything about her. The way she rolled her eyes and smirked when he told a cheeky joke. How they somehow communicated without words. The way she walked with him to the coffee shop down the street from OSP, and asked for two sugars in her coffee when she really meant three. All at once, everything about her seemed purely irresistable.

Callen came up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder and jolting him away from his thoughts.

"Hey," he said quietly. Deeks continued to stare forward, his eyes following the ambulance until it was completely out of sight.

Slowly he turned around to face Callen. "Okay- so what the hell happened?!" Deeks exclaimed, pointing to the cars that now only had vibrant red sparks coming up from the hood, as opposed to the flames he had been greeted with earlier.

"Drunk driver." Callen said with a disgusted look upon his face. "Passed out at the wheel, and rammed straight into the side of Kensi's car as she got off the exit. He was killed upon impact."

Deeks had no words, so he just nodded, disturbed and trying to comfort himself.

"Geez… what was she doing out this late? It's _well _past the middle of the night." Callen added, as he looked at the wreckage then down to his watch, shaking his head.

Deeks' mouth went dry. What was he supposed to say to that? Was he supposed to tell Callen that it was entirely his fault, that he called her in the middle of the night just because he needed to be with her? That he'd had a moment of weakness, and _that_ could be the reason for her seemingly imminent death?

Deeks knew that this wasn't really his fault, and that he shouldn't carry that burden, but there was no way that he wasn't going to blame himself. He looked up at Callen who seemed to be staring off at nothing, deep in thought.

He didn't want to tell the truth, but he didn't want to lie either. So instead, he just ignored the question.

"I am gonna go to the hospital now. I'll see you soon." Deeks swiftly turned and ran towards his car, before Callen could ask any more questions.

He hopped in his car and turned on the engine in one fluid motion. He drove hastily to catch up with the ambulance, and was able to get up right behind it, as there wasn't a single car blocking his way.

As he looked into the back of the van, he could see the very top of Kensi's head, the light from ambulance standing out in the darkness of the night. He felt tears begin to sting his eyes again.

"Please don't break my heart." Deeks inaudibly muttered to himself, as he followed Kensi all the way back to the hospital.


	5. The Waiting Game

**I will say it again- wow. You guys are amazing, really and truly. I hope you enjoy this next chapter- it is longer than the others, just as I promised! Please leave your thoughts in the review section below! =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

A flurry of nurses and doctors had pulled Kensi swiftly from the ambulance and into the hospital, so he hadn't even seen her yet.

Deeks was glad for that because if he had to see Kensi covered in betadine with her blood spilling onto the floor he might pass out. Or shoot someone. Or die. Either way, something bad was bound to happen.

He'd followed the ambulance into the bay and was waved off one by one by the nurses. So instead, he sat in a row of chairs against the wall outside of ICU and waited for the doctors to tell him something; anything really.

Deeks couldn't sit still, so he just stared at the ceiling and tapped his foot, making his impatience known to the world. He brought his head down to a normal eye level and glanced around the room to realize that he was all alone. He wasn't surprised though, as the clock was still in the wee hours of the morning.

He liked it better that way; he couldn't be disturbed by the proverbial, '_So what brings you in here today? Is it your wife? Girlfriend? Sister? Brother? I am so sorry!' _

It was almost comical that sympathy could irritate Deeks more than most any other emotion, as he seemed to give it out on a daily basis.

He couldn't just wait for the time to pass by pulling up a game on his phone, or finding some way to distract himself. No, he was much too anxious and nervous for that. The waiting was painful, and each moment that passed was like receiving another punch to the gut.

Deeks knew far too well that to love someone as much as he loved Kensi meant being vulnerable. It was as if his heart was just waiting to be wrung and destroyed. The only alternative though was for him to keep his heart hidden, and that was far, far worse. He could bind it in bubble wrap, and lock it away in a dungeon of his own selfishness. But in that dungeon, dark, safe, motionless and loveless, his heart would change. It would become lonely, isolated, and irredeemable- so the only thing he could do was love Kensi with every fiber of his being.

Just the possibility of losing her and it being at least somewhat his fault was unnerving and heartbreaking, all at the same time. He knew that you can only loose what you cling to, and he clung to her. There was absolutely nothing he could do to change the way he felt, because you can't choose who you fall in love with, and you definitely can't choose which feelings stay and which ones fade away. Obviously, his feelings for Kensi were stronger than they'd ever been.

His thoughts were interrupted suddenly and without warning, as four doctors emerged from the double doors in front of him, pushing Kensi quickly down the hall on a gurney.

She looked almost awake, but an oxygen mask was still placed on her face. The only difference now was that she had a brace on her right wrist, and her right leg was in a cast that stretched up past her knee. That side of her body had definitely taken a beating, which came as no surprise- that was the side of her car that had been hit.

They pushed her past him, and he jumped up immediately to follow them. "What is going on?" He asked, aggravated.

Kensi's eyes lurched open at the sound of his voice, and she unexpectedly seemed fully awake. "Deeks!" She screamed, ripping off her oxygen mask and reaching her left hand up to his.

"I'm right here Kens!" Deeks said, quickly running to her side.

Suddenly her breathing became staggered and uneven. He grabbed her hand as the doctors quickly placed the mask back upon her face.

"We are taking her into ICU for surgery- she has a fractured rib, and as a result a collapsed lung. You need to stay outside!" The doctors rapidly pushed her gurney down the hall, and Deeks let her hand slip out of his. He was once again alone, standing in the wreckage of her path.

The hall was eerily quiet, as he stood exactly where she'd left him. He fiddled momentarily with the zipper on his sweatshirt, and felt one of the worst feelings come over him-the feeling when you're about to cry. The tears were stinging his eyes, and beginning to blur his vision. A lump formed in his throat. But the worst feeling was when he could feel his heart sink.

The panic in her voice as she searched for him, and how she had immediately recognized his voice was troubling and heartwarming all at the same time.

Without warning, a strong, unfamiliar and unnerving feeling welled up inside of Deeks. And all he wanted to do was scream, because he couldn't say it to her.

The feeling was love. Unconditional, never-ending, absolute love. He knew everything that there was to know about his partner, and he still loved her with every last part of himself.

Deeks no longer considered love a game, something that could be broken and thrown away like a child's toy. He'd only ever thought of it in that way because he had not yet been with someone like Kensi- someone so different from everyone else. All of the things he never knew he wanted resided there, with her.

He thought of her on every occasion and in everything he did. Constantly, wherever he was, simple things brought her to his mind like a bright blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. When Kensi was around, he lost his focus on everything that wasn't her.

They'd just had a huge fight that night, but none of it really seemed to matter anymore. Somehow, no matter what she said to him, he couldn't stop loving her, not even for a second. He knew that anything she said in the heat of the moment wasn't to be taken too seriously by him, and he just had to shrug it off.

"_I guess that's love,"_ Deeks mumbled to himself, grinning a tiny, barely noticeable crooked smile as he starred at the door down the hall.

He reluctantly returned to his chair. He couldn't just stand there all night- her surgery could take hours.

As Deeks sat around waiting for her, the effects of his adrenaline rush were slowly wearing off. He eventually managed to fall asleep in the dizzying array of what-if scenarios that relentlessly played out in his head.

* * *

Kensi saw a bright light flash before her eyes, and then everything was red. It seemed to be a mixture of blood and flames, but she couldn't tell. She saw Deeks in the distance, his figure fading away from her as she drove away. Kensi was surrounded by white walls and medical equipment, and watched Deeks run his hand over his mouth and than through his hair out a small window. Her heart raced, and she screamed for him at the top of her lungs. "Deeks! STOP! Let him come! Let Deeks come!"

She felt herself being shaken awake as she thrashed back and forth in a hospital bed. "Ms. Blye! Everything is fine! Ms. Blye!" Kensi froze as a dark haired woman placed a hand on her arm. A single tear silently streaked down her cheek as she came to slight consciousness, half of her body still dreaming.

The nurse looked back towards the other doctors in the hospital room with a concerned expression graced upon her tired looking face. "She's having a nightmare- it's a reaction to the morphine. We need to give her something to make her sleep."

It wasn't a question- she reached down towards Kensi and placed a new IV in her arm, securing it with a piece of medical tape.

She slowly she began to feel a strange warmth in her hands that quickly spread throughout her entire body. Kensi's eyelids suddenly felt tremendously heavy. Her heart rate decreased and soon enough she was practically knocked out, sleeping dreamlessly.

* * *

Two boots appeared in Deeks' line of sight. He looked up to find Callen holding two cups of expensive coffee from a café in Glendale. Callen had gone twenty-five minutes out of his way to bring Deeks a nice cup of Kenyan coffee guaranteed to lift his poor mood. Callen knew Deeks was going through hell, and he thought that he'd try his best to make him feel even the slightest bit better. Deeks accepted it graciously and took a long sip.

"Thanks man. It's been a long night," Deeks said, glancing out the window to watch the rising sunset. He leaned forward and stretched, attempting to get the kinks out of his back- the flimsy plastic chair that he'd been glued to was quite uncomfortable.

"What time is it? Is Kensi alright?"

"Kensi is fine- she's sleeping now. And it's about 7:00 AM. I went to OSP to talk to the team for a bit- a rumor was going around that Kensi had gotten a GSW to the chest." Deeks heart jumped into his throat, and his protective '_I-am-kinda-but-not-really-her-boyfriend' _instincts jumped into high gear.

Callen saw the look on his face, and immediately felt awful for causing him anymore unnecessary stress.

"Don't worry- I told them that they were wrong. Got here around 5. Waited for a bit, but Kens was still in surgery so I drove for awhile," Callen said, lifting his coffee cup.

"So Kensi is gonna be alright?" Deeks inquired cautiously, not wanting to jump to conclusions.

"She will live, yes. And eventually she'll be back to normal." Callen replied, taking a sip of his coffee.

Deeks let out a loud sigh of relief. Just as quickly as it came, his body suddenly felt free from the bonds of pain, and it was as if a colossal amount of weight had been precipitously lifted from his shoulders.

_Wait, did he say eventually? _"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked aloud, furrowing his brow.

Callen backed off quickly- he didn't want to worry him too much. "I just mean that it may take awhile for her to be back to her old self, in more ways than one. She was lucky to survive the crash, but some pretty severe damage was done. I'll let the doctor tell you when she wakes up; I'm not very good at all the medical lingo." Callen said, downing the last long sip of his coffee before tossing it to the trash bin adjacent to them.

Callen looked around the room as if he was searching for something to say. A few thoughts had popped into his mind as he drove down to Glenville, and he was wondering whether or not he should ask Deeks about them. He had seemed inconsolable enough already, the last thing Callen wanted to do was to make him feel worse.

He looked down at the ground, contemplating how he should form his question.

"So Deeks, I'm just gonna ask- was Kensi coming from your place? I just noticed how close the accident was to your apartment…" Callen said, trailing off.

He didn't need to say anything else; Deeks knew the question. It was the same question that he'd been asking himself for the past three years.

"Are you asking if Kensi and I are together?" Deeks asked, raising his eyebrows.

He didn't know what exactly to say, so he thought back to what they'd compared their relationship to in the past. Ray had said it best- they had a thing. A much denied, very disregarded, laughed at thing. But nonetheless, it was still a thing.

Callen swallowed and stared down at the ground, counting the number of squares in each of the tiles on the floor. "Yeah, I mean… I guess."

Deeks didn't really know what to say, which was apparently a reoccurring theme for him.

"Um... kinda. We kinda have a thing," he said, swallowing hard. "I guess we're still trying to figure it out ourselves."

He didn't want to speak for both of them until Kensi had a chance to give her side of the story. He knew that if he did, she'd probably shoot him. Or worse.

Callen's eyes widened, and he looked back up to Deeks. "Oh, well um... good for you guys." He shook his head and smiled a small grin, quietly adding, "It took you long enough."

It wasn't as if he hadn't expected it- Kensi and Deeks were bound to end up together eventually, and the entire team knew it.

Deeks chuckled and grinned, shaking his head as he sat back against his uncomfortable plastic chair. He took a long swig from his coffee cup and sighed. Again, he just had to wait.

* * *

Kensi's head pounded as she awoke once again. The light of the morning sun pierced her eyes and she shook her head slightly, trying to come out of the fog she was trapped in. Everything felt fuzzy, and her head spun as she attempted to look around the room. A wave of nausea, extreme fatigue, and achiness settled over her.

She sluggishly glanced down at the rest of her body. Her arm looked like a pincushion, and she felt buried under a labyrinth of tubes and wires. There was little sound in her room except for the clicks and beeps of computerized respiration. She assumed that she was in ICU, because she was all alone in the small hospital room, except for the nurse who was tending to her.

Her vision wasn't all there, so she gently moved her left hand up towards her face, gently feeling the swelling over her right eye.

The nurse acknowledged her movement, and smiled compassionately. "Good- you're awake," without a word, she swiftly switched out her oxygen mask for a cannula.

"Don't worry about your eye, the swelling should go down within a few hours. You're actually in descent shape considering the severity of your crash."

"My what?" Kensi asked, hearing her heart rate rise on the monitor next to her. She could remember everything that had happened last night up until when she exited the freeway; that was all a blur.

"Calm down- everything is fine," the nurse said. "Everything except your car, really. You were in a bad wreck though, and the damage was pretty extensive. You have a broken leg and wrist, a collapsed lung, one fractured rib, and you had to get about 25 staples in your chin."

Kensi looked herself up and down once more, taking it all in. "I am surprised that you're awake- we thought you'd be unconscious for another couple hours at least after your nightmare earlier."

As the nurse tampered with one of the IVs in her arm, she glanced back towards the door, nodding at it.

"You're boyfriend has been out in that hallway all night. He did fall asleep sometime early this morning, and I didn't want to wake him until you were up." The heart monitor next to Kensi's bed began to beep exponentially faster once again at the mention of his name.

The nurse leaned in as if she was telling a secret. "He's quite a cutie- you're lucky," she winked at Kensi, causing her cheeks to turn a rosy hue.

Kensi sat up in bed, playing with the edge of her hospital blanket. "Oh, um Deeks- no he is my partner, not my boyfriend."

The nurse was still skeptical. "I don't know sweetie- you're heart rate is telling me otherwise."

She finished placing the IV and patted Kensi's arm, pleased with her work. "I'm gonna let you rest for a little while- should I send your _partner _in? I think he's up now," she asked, cynically emphasizing the word partner.

"Um… sure." Kensi said, taking a deep breath. Now was as good of a time as any.

* * *

Deeks felt his breath hitch as he looked over and saw a nurse walking towards him. He hopped up from his plastic chair against the wall, anxiously running his hand through his hair as he walked over to her.

Deeks didn't even say a word; he was too nervous. Instead, he just waited for the nurse to speak. "So Mr. Deeks, your _partner _will see you now."

Deeks furrowed his brow at her peculiar choice of words and said thank you. He rapidly walked towards the large set of double doors that lead to Kensi's room.

* * *

**P.S. I can't really quote it, as I do not know where it came from, but the quote about Deeks 'wrapping his heart in bubble wrap' was something I found on tumblr. =)**


	6. Solid Ground

**My inbox is blowing up here... you are all too kind! Thank you SO much for all the nice words and reviews- I love love love it! Here's another installment, and I hope you all enjoy it! Once again, please leave me your thoughts in the review section below! =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Deeks didn't like hospital rooms. He couldn't quite pinpoint why- he just didn't. The stark white walls and beeping of respirators made him feel claustrophobic, almost nauseous. He assumed it was because he'd been stuck inside of them so many times before, that they always reminded him of near-death experiences.

He took a deep breath, nervously adjusting his shirt and hair before crossing the threshold into Kensi's room. She was wide-awake, already seeming quite annoyed that she couldn't leave her bed, but that was just how she was.

It was one of many reasons why he loved her: she was a spitfire, and never failed to keep him on his toes. He loved so much else about her though- all sorts of little things that constantly made him fall for her again and again. The way she hit him playfully and it actually hurt. How cute she was when she got angry with him. How she looked good no matter what she wore. The fact that she always smelled amazing, even if it was just shampoo. The ease with which she fit into his arms, though he had only ever felt it when they were undercover. Everything.

Deeks snapped himself out of his thoughts, and actually looked at her to make sure she was alright. He smiled upon seeing her, and grinned even wider when he saw that the oxygen mask had been removed from her face and a cannula had taken it's place- maybe they'd have a chance to talk. Her right eye was still slightly swollen, but mainly just black and blue. Her chin was all wrapped up, but he could see a hint of red creeping through the white bandages. An array of casts covered her body, including one that stretched up her leg past her knee, and another around her right arm.

Upon closer inspection, he swallowed hard as he saw a small chest tube inserted between her ribs. A conduit ran out of it, connected to a bag on the floor that was partially filled with fluid- he assumed it was coming from her lungs. It shouldn't have come as a surprise- she'd just had surgery for a collapsed lung.

He walked over to her and sat down right next to her bed, as a chair had already been placed close to her. That nurse sure was quite enthusiastic about their relationship.

"Hey," he said nervously, before channeling his cheeky side to compensate for the awkward silence. "That certainly was new Kens- I have to admit that you've gotten much better at being unpredictable."

"It wasn't really my choice Deeks," Kensi said, smirking. She would play along for his sake. "I didn't _choose _to get into a car wreck."

"I know you didn't." Deeks looked around the room, and then back to her, his expression changing to one of a more serious nature.

"We should talk." Deeks whispered, glancing around the room, his eyes focusing in on the two nurses still working away to his right.

"The last time you said that it didn't work out too well, now did it?" Kensi said, a smirk still strewn across her face as she turned her head to face him. She suddenly felt a sharp pain spark up her neck, but she ignored it.

Deeks smiled. "No it didn't. But I know what I need to say now, Kens." His words sent chills up her spine, in a good way though.

"Good," she grinned, leading him to believe that she wasn't nervous at all for what he had to say, when in reality her heart felt as though it was about to leap out of her chest.

This plan didn't work out too well, as the heart monitor next to her sped up again, giving her true sentiments away. "_Dammit," _she murmured, cursing under her breath.

He ignored the beeping of the heart monitor- he wasn't going to embarrass her; not at a time like this.

"Let's wait 'till the nurses leave though- that brunette one might start shrieking out of pure joy," Deeks said with a wink.

Kensi smiled- it felt wonderful and uplifting to hear Deeks talk that way again: so lighthearted and fun. Though having deep conversations about their feelings was necessary, she definitely enjoyed playfully chatting with him.

Deeks continued on when he noticed the reaction he got from Kensi. He leaned in close, gesturing back to one of the nurses.

"Just a minute ago, I thought she was gonna rip my head off when she told me I could come in to see you. She said I was your _partner_. Do you know anything about that?" He asked, jokingly raising one eyebrow.

Kensi threw her head back, laughing.

Abruptly and without warning Kensi let out a bloodcurdling scream, letting her head fall forward. Deeks jumped up, and his mouth became dry as he watched her continue to screech in pain.

The nurses immediately ran to her side, unsure of what to do as Kensi continued to scream.

"Deeks! Deeks! Oh my gosh, ow! DEEKS!" Kensi screamed, afraid to move her head from the forward position that it was stuck in. "My neck! DEEKS, IT'S MY NECK!" Tears streamed down her face, and a hiccupping sob escaped her lips. Deeks grabbed her hand in an attempt to console her- he had no clue what else he could do.

"What the hell is going on?!" He yelled at the nurses, who looked just as shocked as Deeks.

"We don't know, but she needs an MRI _now_. The doctors didn't think she needed one- she said her neck felt fine!" The nurse looked utterly terrified, which made Deeks feel utterly terrified.

"She wouldn't tell you if it did! It's just how she is!" Deeks exclaimed, exasperated. Kensi rarely acknowledged If she was in pain- she thought of it as a sign of weakness.

One of the nurses ran over to the table near Kensi's bed, grabbing a cervical brace that was tucked away in a drawer. In one fluid motion she swiftly picked up Kensi's chin and wrapped it around her neck. This caused another horrifying scream to escape her lips as they gently laid her bed flat, removing the security handles that held Kensi's bed against the wall.

The nurses swiftly wheeled her away, yelling at Deeks to stay behind.

* * *

He waited inside her room that time, which was a step up from the hallway. He just sunk into the recliner in the corner of the room, unsure of what to do or how to feel. Callen had heard the screaming from outside, and came rushing in just as they were wheeling Kensi away.

"Deeks- what the hell happened to her? Everything was fine just five minutes ago!" Callen asked, pointing towards the door. Now it was his turn to ask the questions.

Deeks slowly leaned forward, placing his head in his hands. "I have absolutely no idea," he replied honestly. " She threw her head back when I made her laugh, and just screamed. They are taking her to go get an MRI though, so we ought to know something soon."

Deeks stomped his foot on the floor and shot his head up to look at Callen. He was angry now. Not at anyone in particular, just at the universe for hurting Kensi. "I guess that it's just one more thing we'll add to the growing list of H_ow Everything is Falling Apart._"

"You need to stay strong Deeks. If not for yourself, than for Kensi," Callen said, attempting to soothe him.

Deeks continued to wallow in a quarry of his own self-pity. Guilt gnawed harder at his insides- he felt responsible for the crash, and now this.

"I'm just trying to do everything I can…" His voice broke, but he pressed on. "To make sure she is okay. I got her into this huge mess, I should be able to pull her out of it."

Callen felt quite sympathetic towards the broken man that was sitting before him. Plenty of people that he loved had died, and he didn't want Deeks to suffer the same fate as him- it was damaging. He said a silent prayer for Kensi, and spoke once again.

"None of this is your fault. You didn't slam into the side of her car, and you didn't hurt her here," he said, pointed to where here bed was. "You just need to be there for her- it's really all you can do right now."

As Deeks lowered his head again, Callen patted him on the shoulder. "I need to go to OSP, we have a case. You stay here though, okay? We can work this one ourselves, and you need to be here when she gets back from the MRI." He began to walk away, quietly adding, "Seriously Deeks- don't leave. I don't want her waking up alone."

Deeks nodded halfheartedly at Callen as he stepped out. There was no way that he was going anywhere, so he just sat alone, letting fat tears course down his unshaven cheeks. '_She has to be okay,' _he thought. _'She just has to be okay.' _

For a fleeting moment there, everything had seemed so simple. They were back to their old ways. He loved her. She loved him. Nobody was saying it.

They had joked around, playfully messing with one another. But it was so much more complex than that, and he knew it.

Suddenly, Deeks felt what seemed like his life flash before his eyes. It wasn't _his_ life though; it was his life with Kensi. He pictured their future, and prayed that he'd still get the chance to live it.

He imagined his and Kensi's first proper kiss as a couple, and what it would be like to have her as his- no pretending on an undercover op. He could see their first date- if she would ever let him take her out. The day he would finally get the courage to ask her to marry him; to spend a lifetime with him.

The moment where he'd see her walking down the aisle, looking truly angelic in her wedding dress. He saw the little ninja assasins he would have with her, a perfect mixture of them both. Her sharp cheekbones and warm brown eyes, his wavy hair and continuously cheeky grin. They would be funny and smart and just a little mischievous to keep their parents on their toes...and they would be the greatest years of his life. He just knew it.

Except in reality, he was sitting in a hospital room waiting to know if she was going to live to see another day.

Love was just a word that he knew all too well, but Kensi had come along and given it meaning. Beautiful and terrible things had happened to them, but he couldn't be afraid. He just had to charge on, and continue to be her solid ground.


	7. Make It Easier

**You guys are just too nice to me! Thank you SO much, I truly can't say it enough. Here's another chapter- I promise that I'll continue to update daily! Please leave your thoughts in the review section below! =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Deeks sat in the corner of Kensi's hospital room, sound asleep in his recliner. His arms laid lazily over the armrest of the chair and he snored loudly, mouth open. It was around 8:00 AM, and one of the nurses gently nudged Deeks arm, trying to get him to wake up. He had barely gotten two hours of restless and uncomfortable sleep that whole night, and he felt as if he had just ran a marathon.

Through all that though, as the nurse softly tried to awaken him, Deeks jumped up. He didn't care about his own sleep deprivation; he just wanted to see Kensi and know that she was okay.

He discreetly wiped the drool from the edge of his mouth and ran his hand through his messy hair.

"I'm awake, I'm awake… where is Kensi? Is she alright?" He asked the question nervously, as he woke up to reenter his own personal nightmare.

The nurse smiled, and looked down to her clipboard. "Ms. Blye has suffered a cervical fracture." Deeks' cheeks immediately flushed and his breathing became shallow as he took it all in, listening intently.

"We didn't notice it before because when she came in she was unconscious, and with the surgery for her collapsed lung we were unable to give her an MRI."

Deeks was livid. She had just been in a car wreck and they hadn't given her an MRI- it was unbelievable. He understood why they hadn't been able to give her one, but he was in no mood to be tolerant or understanding of their incompetence.

"The nurses are bringing her back in now- and she is unconscious. Ms. Blye was thrashing too much that we couldn't perform the MRI, so she was given a sedative." The word thrashing made him wince, but he continued to listen.

"I do need to inform you though that the cervical fracture caused some damage to her spinal cord." He just stared forward at her, his mouth agape in shock. A million thoughts ran through his mind at once, but he just had to take it all in.

"We certainly don't think it's anything permanent, but it's defiantly going to take her a few weeks longer than we originally planned to get her back on her feet. She won't be able to walk for at least a little while."

Had she just said _spinal cord? _And that Kensi wouldn't be able to _walk? _Deeks clenched his fists and his knuckles turned white. He was furious, but didn't exactly know who to direct his anger towards. So instead of yelling, he just concentrated on breathing normally.

"How long?" It was the only question Deeks could let out without fully screaming at the nurse.

"We don't know- we are just going to take it one day at a time." _Could this get any worse?_ That was all Deeks could think about as he sunk back into the recliner and waited for Kensi to reenter the hospital room.

As if on cue, the moment he settled comfortably back into the chair, Kensi was wheeled into the room. Deeks stood up, walking up to stand right by her side as the nurses secured her bed once more.

She looked just the same as she had before, except now she dawned a halo brace in addition to all the other wires, tubes and casts. The nurse followed his line of sight, and added reassuringly- "That brace isn't permanent, we are just trying to limit her range of motion to a minimum. She'll probably get to use a less restrictive one within a day or so, depending on how she is feeling."

"This is nuts," he muttered, reaching for her hand. He truly couldn't believe that overnight Kensi had gone from being able to run a six minute mile to being unable to walk. It was overwhelming, to say the least.

The nurse walked behind him, pushing a chair up directly underneath him. He sat down quietly, being sure not to awaken Kensi from her sedative-driven slumber.

* * *

Kensi awoke around two hours later. Deeks was still sitting by her side, holding her hand. Her badge rested on his lap- a medic had given it to him after Kensi drove away from him in the ambulance.

Sitting there he had pulled out his cell phone, one-handedly clearing his inbox and typing up a few emails for work. He'd also called the team, speaking in a hushed tone and updating them on Kensi's condition. The nurses had left while she slept, but Deeks never left her side, just as he promised Callen.

"Hey Kens," Deeks said quietly, leaning forward and hovering over her as her eyes fluttered awake. He needed to lean completely over her or else she wouldn't be able to see him. A panic stricken look quickly washed over her face as she realized that she couldn't move her neck or head, and a single tear streaked down her cheek.

"What is going on?" She whispered the question, not wanting to alarm him.

Deeks had never seen Kensi so emotional, but he had also never seen Kensi in such physical trauma.

"What _was _that earlier?" She asked, referring of course to her horrifying neck incident, which Deeks had to witness.

"I'll let the nurses explain everything to you- but just know that it is nothing permanent, okay?" Deeks squeezed her hand, which he was still clutching.

"Don't worry Fern-I'll get you out of here soon enough." He winked at her again, flashing his crooked grin- the one that was so cute it was almost infuriating.

Kensi wasn't sure if it was the right time to say it, but she couldn't continue to hide her feelings behind masks of sarcasm and jibes. She had to tell him the truth- once and for all.

"Deeks," Kensi said, staring him directly in the eye as he hovered above her. "I love you." The longer she hid her true sentiments from Deeks, the more she fell for him; but in that moment she didn't know how she could possibly love him more.

That was all she needed to say. Relief and pure bliss flooded his features, and without missing a beat he replied: "I love you too."

It was what Kensi had so desperately had wanted to hear, and in that moment she was literally walking on air.

Suddenly Deeks wanted nothing more than to kiss her, so he did. He leaned down, gently planting a lingering kiss on her lips.

"I love you so much Kensi," Deeks said as he pulled back reluctantly, beaming down at her. They had said it- finally.

Just as the words escaped his mouth, the brunette nurse (who's name had revealed to him as Cathy,) walked into the room. She let out a tiny, giddy squeal and ran back out the door.

Deeks looked to the door, than back down at Kensi. The both laughed quietly and he lightly kissed her once more before returning to his seat next to her, still holding her hand.

Kensi fidgeted slightly, still looking uncomfortable. She was still lying flat, and once Deeks sat back down all she could look at was the celling. She tried to sit up herself, quickly collapsing back onto the bed- it was much too painful.

"Whoa Kens- you need to let someone help you with that stuff."

She glared at him momentarily, but knew he was right. She needed to get used to letting people do things for her.

He leaned forward and fixed the bed himself- while Kensi was sleeping one of the nurses had taught him how. She smiled at his handiness, finally able to look him in the eyes without trouble.

Deeks assumed that it was alright for them to return to their sarcasm and jokes, so he went for it.

"Callen asked whether you were coming from my place last night. He was asking if we were together- I just said that we _kinda _had a thing. I guess we _really _have a thing, now don't we Fern?" It wasn't actually a question. They definitely had a thing. More than a thing, truly.

Kensi grinned, as nothing pleased her more than hearing him say those words. "Yeah I guess we do, huh?" Another thought fleetingly ran through her mind.

"Wait- what did Callen say? Was he… okay with it?" Callen was like Kensi's big brother, and his approval meant a lot to her. He was also their team leader, so if he wasn't alright with it- things could get a bit messy.

"Yeah- completely," Deeks said, looking down at her badge in his lap. "He said that it had _taken us long enough. _Surprisingly, he seemed quite pleased by the whole thing."

Kensi laughed, thinking back to all the awkward moments she had shared with her team- the moments when it had been so completely obvious that her and Deeks both had strong feelings for one another.

"Glad to hear it. Now we only have to tell Hetty…" She said, trailing off. Kensi didn't even want to begin to think about how uncomfortable that conversation would be.

Deeks knew better than Kensi though, as he still had the _gunpowder and sunshine_ note resting in his pocket, which suddenly felt quite heavy.

Deeks was incredibly pleased in that moment, as he got to share some happy news with Kensi. "I actually know for certain that she _wants _us to be together," Deeks replied, cheekily. "I mean, either that or she was just trying to play some Jedi-type mind trick on me."

"Why would you possibly think that?" She asked, shocked with his confidence. Hetty certainly wasn't any Leroy Jethro Gibbs, but she did have rules.

"You know the note that Hetty gave you to give me yesterday?"

"Yes- what about it?"

Deeks dropped Kensi's hand and fished around in his pocket for a moment, pulling out the note. He held it up in front of his face so Kensi could decipher Hetty's cursive script, and read out the words _Sunshine and Gunpowder._

Kensi studied it for a moment and when he put it back down she just stared at him, confused. "What does that mean?" Kensi asked, furrowing her brow.

Deeks heart skipped a beat as he realized that Kensi might have not heard him that evening so many weeks ago in the boatshed. He hadn't meant for her to, but just assumed that she had: she somehow always did.

"Well Kensi, it's something I said awhile ago in the boatshed... Did you not hear me?"

Kensi eyed him, suspicious. "No, I didn't hear you- what was it about?"

He figured he might as well not hide it from her, so instead he just made it into another joke.

Deeks scratched the back of his head and let a cheeky grin spread across his face. "It… um… it's what I said you smelled like: sunshine and gunpowder," Deeks replied sheepishly.

Kensi laughed. "Really?! Okay, tell me Deeks, how can one smell like sunshine?"

"Ms. Blye, your cheekiness never ceases to amaze me." Deeks looked up to the ceiling, as if contemplating her question.

"I don't know… I guess the scent of sunshine is whatever you want it to be." Deeks said, unexpectedly giving her a thoughtful answer. "It's whatever makes you happy. So, for me, it would probably be gunpowder, salty water, and fish tacos." He seemed content with his answer, so he looked back down at Kensi.

She burst out laughing, not tilting her head back this time though. That was one of the most amazing things she'd ever heard him say, and she just loved every word that came out of his mouth. '_Gosh he's brilliant,' _was all she could think as she smirked at him.

As they sat their together marveling at the note and wondering what Hetty was thinking, nurse Cathy snuck into the room. "Excuse me, Ms. Blye? We'd like to speak to you for a moment. Your _partner _is welcome to stay as well, if you'd like him to."

"Alright. And yes- I'd like my _boyfriend_ to stay," Kensi said, holding his hand just a bit tighter in hers.


	8. Rebuilding

**Once again, I thank you. You are so amazing- I plan to give it back to you ten fold with this story. Or so I hope. =) As always, please leave me your thoughts in the review section below!**

**-Hazel**

* * *

The nurses went through and explained everything to Kensi just as they had to Deeks. He told them that she could handle it, and she could.

It was difficult for Deeks though, to watch her just have to smile and say alright when he knew that they were grim concepts for her to understand. _You can't stand. __You can't walk. You can't move you're neck. _

Their lives had just come to a screeching halt, and it was taking time for both of them to adjust. Deeks sat holding her hand the entire time, gently squeezing it anytime she looked overwhelmed by what she was hearing.

As the nurses exited her room, nodding and smiling sympathetically, Kensi turned her attention to Deeks. Her head was still spinning from all the information, but she needed to get something off her chest before she could even begin to comprehend anything that was happening to her.

She released his hand to scratch an itch on her cheek- that halo brace was so damn uncomfortable.

"So Deeks- I'm… um… sorry for what I said last night." Kensi said the words cautiously, not wanting to bring up their late night conversation- as if he could've forgotten.

"Oh yeah… when you basically said I was an arrogant tool who had never changed, and that I was just messing with you. Yeah I remember that." Deeks spoke sarcastically, of course. He had entirely forgiven her- they were both at fault. But he wasn't just going to let her off that easy. He wanted her to know that she was wrong.

"I know I was wrong Deeks…" Kensi replied, unsure of what else to say.

"Yeah, you were wrong Kens." Deeks spoke kindly now, not heatedly. "Kensi- I want you to know that I have changed, in a way. I am still the same person that I have always been, I just found the one perfect person that I can channel all my flirty energy at. You." She rolled her eyes jokingly, but listened intently. "I am permanently in love with you, forever and always, and there is nothing you can do to change that. Nobody could ever surpass you-"

"Even with all this," Kensi whispered, gesturing up and down her body at the array of tubes, casts and bandages. She was obviously embarrassed by how she looked- the halo brace certainly wasn't very flattering.

"Yes Kensi. Even with all that." He smiled, gently squeezing her hand. "You are incredibly beautiful, but that is just a bonus I get to have with you. You're so much more than that. You're… you're my other half-" Deeks had thought it internally before, but had never said it out loud to her. "It would be impossible for me to leave you. I'd be incomplete."

Kensi had no words, so she just stared at him and smiled. She was still amazed by him. Whatever worry, uncertainty, or conflict she felt before was pushed aside in that moment. He was so perfect- it was as if he shouldn't exist in human terms.

"…And I love you. As if that even needed to be said again." He just smirked- Deeks loved it when he could make Kensi speechless.

Suddenly Kensi's stomach growled, loudly enough for both Deeks and Kensi to hear. "We should get some food- I haven't eaten since a burger late last night," Kensi said, remembering her late night TV-beer-burger stint. It seemed so long ago; she couldn't quite believe that it hadn't even been one day.

Deeks smiled and nodded, quickly realizing how long it had been since he'd eaten either. "I'll run and grab us some lunch- something much healthier than a burger," Deeks said, standing up and shaking his head. "You are strictly forced to eat only gourmet food for the rest of your stay in this hospital, okay? I'll run around for a bit and see what I can find."

Deeks kissed her cheek and walked out backwards, promising to come back within thirty minutes. Or earlier, if she needed him to.

Kensi waved him off and was left alone, accompanied once more only by the clicks and beeps of computerized respiration.

She sat still in her bed, thinking about what he'd just said to her, each word seemingly sweeter than the last. Kensi had never really understood how you could meet one person and your life changed forever, but she finally did. He'd torn down whatever walls she built up, and smacked her awake so she finally realized where she belonged- with him.

All she wanted was someone who would stay in her life so she wouldn't have to deal with another goodbye. Jack had left with no regard for her feelings or emotions whatsoever; he only thought of himself.

Deeks was the polar opposite. He was staying with her through all of this- it certainly was about as hard of a time as you can get. Their situation wasn't perfect, and it wasn't certainly wasn't something normal couples went through, but it was their lives.

Even though the particular situation at hand was new to them, they were used to the risks and insanity that went along with their jobs. Deeks wasn't just going to up and leave her- she knew that he loved her too much. He'd seen how much Jack had hurt her, and he wanted to do right by her. Always.

She continued to stare forward, deep in thought. Cathy unexpectedly appeared in the doorway, knocking on her door carrying a tray of hospital food. "I brought you lunch, if you're hungry."

"Oh I'm sorry- Deeks is out getting the two of us some food." Kensi smiled and would've shrugged if she could have.

"What a darling boyfriend you have! He is such a doll." Cathy smiled and set down the tray on the counter against the wall. She walked towards Kensi, pulling up a chair beside her bed. "I think he is just _too _adorable… are you cops? You said that he was your partner."

Apparently it was story-time, but Kensi didn't mind seeing as Deeks wasn't there. She told Cathy a bit about their jobs and Deeks, not giving away too many details of their lives, which consisted of a lot of secrets.

Within twenty minutes Deeks reappeared, a bag of food in hand. "I couldn't decide what to get, so I settled on Italian," he said, proudly waving the bag of food in the air. "Got us both gnocchi with pesto sauce. I also stopped and got you this," He said, gingerly placing down a twinkie on her bed. "Not really gourmet, but I thought it would brighten your mood."

"Like I said- too adorable!" Cathy whispered to Kensi, quickly standing up to go. "I'll see you in a bit; have a great late-lunch!" She grabbed the tray of food from the cafeteria and rushed out the door.

Deeks grinned, raising his eyebrows as he walked back over to the left side of Kensi's bed, taking a seat. "Did I interrupt something? A chat with your new bff perhaps?"

Kensi just laughed. "No Deeks. Just a bit of small talk. And thanks for this-" she said, picking up the twinkie and waving it around.

"No problem." He pulled Kensi's food tray around so she could eat and opened up the bag, letting the scent of hearty Italian food waft through the air.

"Mmmm… it smells divine." Kensi said, suddenly ravenous. Deeks flipped on the television, and they sat there just like it was any other normal day.

Lifetime was still playing the Top Model marathon, so he changed it to that, letting them sit and chat between large bites of pasta. He filled her in on the case that Callen and Sam were working, as they didn't have one of their own to discuss.

About ten minutes later, Kensi pushed back the plastic container of gnocci, "Geez- I am so full. Thanks for that." She smiled, loving the time that they had to themselves. Everything was so simple and effortless.

"No problem," Deeks replied, standing up to throw away their empty food containers. "Now eat your twinkie."

* * *

Kensi and Deeks continued to sit and chat, just enjoying one another's company. He had always loved just being able to hang out with her, and loved it even more now that he could just randomly kiss her or grab her hand without hesitation. Every once in awhile she would wince or try to sit up and everything would hit him again: life wasn't normal.

Kensi couldn't stand, let alone walk. He was trying to be as happy and positive as possible, but her immobility was still wearing down on him.

Though he'd never admit it: it scared him. Not for himself; but for her. He knew it was temporary, but he just hated the idea of her being glued to a hospital bed, unable to do anything even remotely normal.

Cathy walked back into the room, interrupting his thoughts. "Kensi- are you tired at all? If you are let me know- I'll need to put a different mask on you when you sleep." The moment the nurse mentioned it, sleep suddenly sounded like a very good idea. It was only 7:30, but they'd had quite a long day.

Kensi shot her eyes over to Deeks, who looked exhausted as well. His eyes were droopy and his features looked worn and tired. He also hadn't shaven, but secretly she liked his scruffy look.

"Yeah sure- I think I'll sleep for awhile. Deeks, you can go home and do the same if you'd like." She added, though secretly she didn't want him to leave.

Deeks saw straight threw her, and remained seated. "No I'll stay here- but can I maybe get a cot? I think I'll take a nap if Kensi is going to sleep."

"Sure thing! I'll call down to get one. Kensi- I'm gonna need to switch out your catheter and chest tube before you can catch some rest." The nurse was way too perky about it, and Kensi's cheeks turned a bright shade of crimson.

Deeks smiled at her, though he felt awful that she was embarrassed. "There's nothing to be ashamed of babe," he leaned down and whispered in her ear. She showed him a sheepish grin as he stood back up.

"I'll be right back- I'm gonna go take a shower. This place is full service!" Deeks pressed a quick peck to her cheek and left before Cathy could say anything to him about their chronic PDA.

Cathy worked with Kensi for awhile helping her get ready for bed. Deeks reappeared around twenty minutes later, showered and ready to sleep. Kensi's cannula had been switched out for a nebulizer mask, so she couldn't really talk. She was quickly drifting on pain medication, her eyes fluttering open and then back to closed.

Cathy called down to house, and in the blink of an eye a cot was placed directly next to Kensi's bed. "Sleep tight sweety!" She whispered, smiling and waving before she exited the room, turning off the lights as she went.

Deeks crawled into bed, tucking his feet under the thin quilt. His back was stiff against the metal bars that he could feel through the mattress, but he didn't even care. The moment his head hit the pillow, Deeks crashed. He was suffering from a mixture of emotional and physical exhaustion, which was a bad combo.

The panic feeling in his chest had receded a bit once all the doctors and nurses were gone- everything felt just a bit more normal. Well, their new version of normal.

Their old version of normal was comprised of a Friday night, sitting a respectable distance apart on Kensi's couch, eating and drinking beer. That was the new version- and they had to get used too it.

Reaching out in the darkness, he picked up Kensi's left hand and held it, warm and light in his own as they drifted off to sleep.


	9. Hold On, Hold On

******LONG chapter here- I hope you all enjoy it! I thought I'd reward you for being such loyal readers. As always- please leave me your thoughts in the review section below! =)**

**-Hazel**

**P.S. Prepare yourselves- the story is going to have a bit more drama next chapter… That's all I'll say!**

* * *

Deeks awoke to doctors and nurses at around 7:00 AM the next morning, before Kensi's room had received the rising sunlight. He stretched and yawned loudly as nurse Cathy entered and began getting Kensi ready for the day. He wondered if one day that task might fall to him, and he would be the one putting braces on Kensi and untangling her tubes and wires. He shook his head, swiftly clearing the thought from his mind. _'No,' _he thought. _'She will get better. It's only temporary.' _

He stood up; walking over to the foot of Kensi's bed as Cathy waved him over.

Kensi had slept soundly through the entire night, which the nurse happily attributed all to Deeks.

"Your company makes her feel so much better. I just know it," she said with a huge smile strewn across her face. "You're a lucky guy- she's crazy about you."

Kensi slowly awakened from her slumber, fluttering her eyes open as the sunlight slowly began to creep in through the windows. She was feeling well rested and content, especially when she looked up to see Deeks standing at the foot of her bed talking to some nurses and doctors. He was acting like her husband- taking care of everything for her, watching over her every move, getting time off of work to be with her.

Just having the word _husband_ run through her mind made Kensi's heart flutter and her stomach churn. She shook the thoughts out of her mind as the Cathy descended on her, removing the nebulizer mask and weaving a nasal cannula behind her ears.

She began propping Kensi up on mountains of pillows as she adjusted the height of the bed. "How is your neck feeling? I think that today we may be able to switch braces- the halo is the most restrictive."

Kensi smiled immediately. "Yes please."

She couldn't wait to get that damn thing off- she felt like she was constantly wearing a bomb suit from The Hurt Locker.

"Can I maybe try to get out of bed today too? Like on crutches or something? I feel like I haven't moved in forever." The smile quickly dropped from Cathy's face.

"One thing at a time- Mr. Deeks and I will work on some exercises with you today, and see how much mobility you have in your legs. Though it may be slight, your spinal cord injury may make it so you have little movement in your left leg for awhile." She smiled sympathetically. "I'll see what I can do though." With a wink she was gone, leaving Deeks at the foot of Kensi's bed.

A look of disappointment washed over Kensi's face. She desperately wanted to return to normalcy. Her job, her apartment, her life, everything. She felt stuck, pulled back from everyday life by the inability and powerlessness of her own body. She had nearly forgot about the idiotic drunk driver - he was to blame as well.

"Kens- Everything will be fine. You're not gonna be stuck in her forever, okay?" Deeks said, noticing how unhappy she looked. Kensi smiled half-heartedly.

"Cathy said we could work on stretching your leg a bit- do you wanna try?"

"Yes!" She said eagerly and whipped back the quilt off her left leg.

Deeks walked over to her side and grabbed her foot, the palm of his hand against her heel. He slowly bent her knee back, gingerly moving it until it rested at about a 45-degree angle. "Push back as much as you can, okay? Don't worry if you can't do it though, Cathy said it would be really hard with the SCI."

"I think I can handle myself, Deeks." Kensi replied cheekily. She tuned her focus to her leg, staring it down and pushing with all her strength. It tingled and moved slightly. She continued to push until it was lying completely flat against the bed. Satisfied, she looked back up at Deeks.

"Good?" She asked quietly, not sure whether or not she should be craving praise for what seemed like such a small accomplishment.

"Great." He beamed, and leaned down to plant yet another lingering kiss on her cheek.

He pulled the quilt back down over her leg and remained standing.

"I'm gonna go get one of the doctors- maybe you will be able to get up today!" He didn't want to instill false hope in her, but that was just about all he could do: hope.

"Be right back," Deeks practically skipped out of the room and down the hall.

Kensi wiggled her leg around as much as she could in his absence, trying to get the blood flowing.

He returned mere moments later, Cathy following quickly behind. "I hear your leg is moving! That is just fantastic. No walking on crutches yet, but we can try to get you into a wheelchair today, and maybe you two can go outside for a bit? We have a nice little deck and garden on the fifth floor." Kensi smiled and nodded enthusiastically. "You will need to stay in the halo brace if you're going to leave the bed though."

Kensi didn't even care- she desperately wanted some fresh air, and to move around a bit. Being glued to a bed wasn't exactly her idea of a good time.

"Okay- let's get your tubes untangled first and I'll place your right arm in a sling." Cathy got to work and called for a wheelchair. A man appeared just moments later, wheeling a seat up just to the right of Kensi's bed.

Once she finished, Cathy allowed Deeks to scoop Kensi to the edge of the bed and hold her while she got acclimated to sitting up on her own. She stiffened immediately, grabbing onto his sweatshirt as dizziness and vertigo set in.

Deeks glanced up at the nurse; alarmed. She just shrugged. "She's fine- Kensi has been sitting in the same position for awhile, so this is completely normal."

He looked back down at Kensi, who had a single tear running down her cheek. She closed her eyes.

Deeks smiled. Not that Deeks liked seeing her in pain- he was just glad whenever he got to be the one to help her or save her.

"Hey," he whispered, "I will never let go. You can't fall while I'm around, Blye."

She took a breath. "Ok."

He turned to the nurse. "Can I put her in the chair now?"

She nodded, turning her attention to Kensi.

"Arms around his neck." Deeks

grabbed her in a bear hug and lifted her easily into the waiting wheelchair.

She breathed heavily, but only for a second. "Ok," she gulped. "I'm good- thanks."

He lifted her feet onto the footrests. "Feeling alright?"

"Yeah, I'm great!" The vertigo was quickly leaving her, and she couldn't wait to get outside.

Deeks pushed her wheelchair out of the room and down the hall to the elevators. Kensi beamed up at him as they waited for it to come.

She studied his features, quickly realizing how handsome he was; as if she could've forgotten. His wavy blond hair, which was still ruffled on one side from sleeping so soundly. His scruffy, unshaven face. His bright blue eyes which were the clearest she'd seen them recently. He just looked happy, which made her happy.

The elevator doors opened swiftly and he wheeled her inside.

The ride was short and vaguely thrilling before the doors opened and he pushed her onto the fifth floor. It bustled a little more with activity.

Deeks wheeled her out the double doors and onto the deck. It had a beautiful view of the city, and the fresh air filled Kensi's lungs.

He turned her chair to the right so she was directly facing the city. The sun beamed down on her face, and she soaked in the Vitamin D. Wind softly blew threw her hair, tossing her natural brown waves behind her shoulders.

"You good Kens?" Deeks asked, leaning around to smile at her. He could tell how much she enjoyed it all, and how much it reminded both of them that life could be normal again.

They sat for about ten minutes, just enjoying the day. She quickly grew tired though, and asked if they could return. Just getting into the wheelchair and being pushed around took a lot out of her, and she needed to rest.

He walked her back into the elevator, up a floor, back down the hall and into her room. Cathy was standing there waiting for them, as always. "Did you enjoy it? It's quite a beautiful day."

Kensi just nodded- she was quickly dozing on her pain medication, which was constantly making her drowsy. Deeks knelt down next to her, and she gripped his shirt tightly with her one good hand. "You ready?"

She nodded, and Deeks grabbed her in a fireman's carry, placing her back on the bed in one gentle motion. She settled in, smiling as he tucked up the blankets around her.

Kensi looked up at Deeks, once more evaluating him as she always did.

"Hey Deeks- are you still wearing that same shirt you were the other day?" He looked down at himself, then back up to her, shyly nodding.

She giggled quietly, adding, "Why don't you go back to your place and grab some fresh clothes? Maybe feed Monty?"

Deeks nodded, and then looked back up, alarmed. "Oh yeah… Monty!"

He'd been too preoccupied with Kensi to even remember his favorite pup. Luckily he always left food in a bowl for him, but Deeks still felt awful leaving him home all alone for so long.

"Okay- I'll be back in an hour or two. Are you sure you're okay without me?"

Kensi just snorted. "Yeah Deeks- I'll be fine without you. Go- eat breakfast and hang with Monty," she said with a chuckle.

Cathy nodded, adding, "She'll be fine- after she rests I am going to take her down for a quick CT scan, give her a bath, and then if all looks good I will switch out her neck brace for a much less restrictive one!"

He smiled, nodded, leaned down to kiss Kensi, and quietly exited the room.

* * *

Kensi slept for a few hours before she went downstairs to get a CT scan, and once she returned she got a bath. She felt quite pathetic that she was unable to do it by herself- it was such a small, trivial thing. Though it might have been exceedingly awkward, it felt great. She hadn't realized how much she needed it until it was done. They had washed and blow dried her hair, pulling it back into a braid to avoid getting it caught in the brace.

After they finished primping her, she laid back down in her room and waited for the results, staring at the bleak white walls around her. She was still in ICU because of her spinal cord injury, and the rooms were quiet and simple with little or no decorations on the walls. She wanted more life around her.

Deeks hadn't yet returned, and though she was fine with him leaving for a little while, her life felt quite empty and lonely without him there. It seemed like the moment he left she was suddenly desperate for his company.

So Kensi just sat there, flipping through channels while eating a slightly stale ham and cheese sandwich (she desperately missed the gnocchi Deeks had gotten the day before,) until she finally settled on the news. She wasn't able to live in the outside world like a normal person, and figured that she should have at least some idea of what was going on out there.

It was boring: nothing even remotely exciting as newscasters droned on about unimportant and inapt stories just to fill the hour.

Eventually Deeks reappeared in her doorway- showered and shaved. He'd fed Monty and laid out extra water and food incase he stayed over at the hospital another night.

"Hey," he said, smiling a toothy grin. Relief and contentment flashed over her features as he walked towards her.

"I swung by your place and grabbed this," he said, holding up her favorite quilt that she always left hanging over the side of her living room couch. "I also cleaned up a bit: it was quite a mess." He was speaking sarcastically of course, but Kensi's cheeks still reddened.

The last time she'd been there Kensi had practically ran out the door to get to Deeks' place, not bothering to clean up at all. At the time she thought she would be going back, but by then that was irrelevant.

"How did you get in?" she asked in an attempt to turn his attention away from her crimson cheeks.

"I am a skilled investigator Kens; I can pick locks. You taught me, remember?"

She just laughed, and motioned for him to return to the seat next to her.

He tossed the quilt over legs as he sat back down, noticing that she was still wearing the halo brace.

"Have you gotten the results back yet?"

Kensi frowned. "No- I am still waiting for them. I need to get this goddamn thing off- I think it may be doing more harm than good. I feel like my brain will explode if I don't move some part of my upper body soon."

Deeks chuckled, and as if on cue, Cathy walked back into the room holding a clipboard. "Good news! I can switch out your halo brace for a Malibu brace! It will be so much more comfortable for you."

Kensi beamed up at her, and than back over to Deeks, who showed her a crooked smile from ear to ear.

'_See,' _he thought to himself. '_She is recovering.'_

* * *

Cathy switched out the braces quickly, being quite stern that Kensi not move her neck during the transition. She immediately felt better with the new brace on, but the nurse swiftly stuck a new IV in her arm, which produced a glare.

"What is that for?" She already felt like a pincushion, and didn't think it was even possible to inject any more drugs into her.

Cathy put her hands up. "Although the new brace may provide more movement and flexibility, that freedom can be a bit painful at times. This is just a bit more medication to help dull that pain."

Kensi's eyes were fluttering open and than back to closed, as she dozed on the new medication. "Oh yeah- it also makes you quite drowsy. Do you want to sleep?" Kensi nodded feebly and pulled the covers up around her.

"Deeks, you can go home for a bit," she said in a groggy voice.

He felt bad leaving, but if she was going to sleep, he might as well do the same. It was only 8:00, but the iron bars under the mattress on the hospital cot didn't feel great on his already sensitive back. He yawned, proving his own point.

"Okay, I'll spend tonight at my place. Are you sure you'll be alright?" Deeks asked. Kensi just nodded, barely even hearing the words he said.

"We'll call you if something is wrong, okay?" Cathy said, slipping off the cannula and trading it for a nebulizer once more.

Deeks slowly walked out the room. Sleep tight," he whispered, but she didn't respond. The sandman had come, and she was sound asleep.


	10. Block It Out

**Love love love you all! Here is yet another long chapter for all you wonderful people! ****I'm still overwhelmed by the support I receive here as a writer; it's shocking and flattering- thank you so much for all the kind words. Please continue to review- I read every single one and they make my day! =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Kensi awoke suddenly from yet another nightmare. This time it was Deeks who was leaving _her_ in an ambulance, and she shouted after him, afraid he wouldn't return.

"DEEKS!" She screamed, sitting up in bed slightly, only to collapse back down, breathless. She looked to the wall in front of her and glared at the clock: 4:00 AM.

She had fallen asleep so early and swiftly, and couldn't even remember quite how it had happened. She was alone in her hospital room, accompanied once more by only the clicking, beeping and sputtering of her nebulizer mask.

Dreaming of your partner getting killed was nothing new. It happened on a nearly nightly basis for her. But having your partner next to you when you woke up, reassuring you that it was okay - that helped with the feelings of abandonment and loneliness. Her eyes darted around the room, searching for him. He was nowhere to be found.

In the daylight it wasn't too bad; Deeks was always there to keep her company. But at night, when Deeks and nurse Cathy had left, it seemed as if a lifetime went by before anyone came to see her.

Kensi felt panic wash over her, as she realized how alone she really was. Deeks wasn't there, and she just couldn't seem to remember why or how he'd left her. She knew that he wouldn't have just abandoned her, but the fact that she couldn't stand up herself to call him made everything just that much worse.

He was all that she had left, really. Him and the rest of the team. Kensi's relationship with him was special though, for obvious reasons. In that moment, she had never wanted to see his face so much in her entire life. Silent tears streamed down her cheeks, tears that rapidly became sobs.

The night nurse rushed in as she continued to cry.

"Are you okay sweetheart?" she cooed in an attempt to calm her. The nurse quickly sat her bed up and switched out the nebulizer for a cannula so that she could talk to her.

Kensi couldn't speak. She was too lonely, too tired, too sad.

The nurse dragged a chair over to the bedside and spoke to her for a moment. Kensi cried on, embarrassed that she was unable to get her emotions under control.

"You want me to call someone for you? Your boyfriend?"

Kensi's eyes widened. "Yes- where… where is he?"

The nurse furrowed her brow, confused. "Well he just went home to sleep. You sent him on his way yourself," she added.

"Oh…" Kensi spat the word out between her tears. The fact that she had sent him away herself and couldn't even remember made everything just that much worse. She felt so mortified and deserted in that moment, she wasn't even sure if she _wanted_ Deeks to come- he would have to see her that way.

It was a bit late for that though, as the nurse had already stood up and walked over to the wall phone, dialing the number that Deeks had scribbled on a pad of paper. Kensi listened intently, and would've put her head in her hands if she could.

"Mr. Deeks- um Kensi has woken up and was wondering where you were- Okay. Okay. No she's fine. Well she is crying, but- Okay. No, don't worry- we'll see you soon."

The nurse hung up the phone and sat back down next to Kensi, continuing to keep her company until Deeks arrived.

Luckily he lived quite close to the hospital, so it took him all of ten minutes to get there. He zipped through the empty streets of LA, and came to a screeching halt at the first parking spot he could find.

Kensi had calmed herself slightly, but upon seeing Deeks standing in front of her, she crumbled. The nurse slipped out as he walked in.

He hastily sat down next to her and began rubbing her back in gentle circles. "Hey, shhhh. It's okay, babe." She was still crying, so he put his face closer to hers, and stroked her cheek. "Kens- what's wrong?"

Deeks had never seen her so emotional in the entire time that they'd been working together. It was so unlike her to just break down and cry, and it was alarming, to say the least.

Kensi sighed and stifled more tears as she attempted to speak, taking long, slow deep breaths. "I just- had a nightmare, and then- then I woke up and you weren't here…" She looked down and began to fidget with the quilt in her lap. "The clock seemed to tick by so slowly, and I- I thought you'd left me…"

He shook his head, heart tearing a little.

"Kensi- I'm not going anywhere. You said it was okay for me to leave, so I just did. I won't listen to your drug-induced rambling anymore, I guess," he said, leaning back to put his hands behind his head.

"And I know, time is such a slut. She screws everybody."

Kensi let out a howling laugh that probably could've awoken her entire floor, and wiped her eyes with her left hand. "Okay, Deeks. Th-Thank you. I love you."

"You got it, Fern. And I love you too." He grabbed her hand. "You should try to get some more sleep- the nurses said you may be able to get out of bed again tomorrow."

Kensi just nodded; crying like that was exhausting. Deeks slowly lowered her bed, and the night nurse slipped back in, placing the nebulizer mask on her face once more. He mouthed thank you to the nurse as she left, closing the door behind her.

Kensi continued to hold Deeks' hand as she closed her eyes, slowly drifting off into a hopefully dreamless sleep.

Deeks kissed Kensi's tear-ridden cheek, and sat next to her holding her hand. He wasn't going _anywhere, _and that was for certain.

* * *

Deeks had managed to get about two hours of sleep on the cot after Kensi finally drifted off, snoring loudly as usual.

The team- Callen, Sam, Nell and Eric, stopped by in the morning around 9:00 AM to check in. None of them had seen Kensi since the accident except Callen, and her injuries were shocking, to say the least.

Though Kensi no longer dawned a halo brace, the Malibu brace had taken it's place, and her right arm and leg were both in a cast.

Nevertheless, her chin was healing up nicely without a bandage, and the swelling was entirely gone on her right eye.

"Hey Kens!" Nell exclaimed. She was the first one to run inside, engulfing Kensi in a huge bear hug, carefully maneuvering around the tubes and braces.

"How are you? We've all missed you so much at OSP! Both of you." She said, gesturing over to Deeks. "We have everything under control though, so you don't need to worry. You guys have quite a few saved up vacation days!"

"We're hanging in there- thanks Nell." Kensi smiled and grabbed Deeks hand impulsively. Callen just smirked and looked down to the ground- he was the only one who knew about them and their _thing. _Sam cleared his throat and Eric turned red.

They both looked down to their hands, instinctively pulling them apart. Kensi smiled at Deeks as if asking what she should say, and he just shrugged.

"So, I'm, um, not quite sure how to say it, but we are kinda together now-"

"We figured." Sam said, cutting her off with a smile. "It took you guys long enough."

They all chuckled and Deeks grabbed her hand again, not dropping it this time. The four of them pulled up chairs from against the wall to make a semi-circle around the bed. She loved the company, and appreciated them coming to see her. She assumed that everyone was rather busy with the extra workload they got from her and Deeks' absence.

Callen had stopped to get breakfast for all of them at a bakery, and they sat together eating and talking about their new case. Once they finished their food, Cathy snuck in silently, allowing them to continue chatting as she fixed the cords on Kensi's IVs and adjusted her cannula.

Callen's phone rang, and he went out in the hall to take it. "Hey guys," he said, walking back inside. "That was Hetty- we have a lead. Sam and I need to get downtown and they need Nell and Eric back at OSP."

Everyone looked to Kensi with sad faces, but she just smiled- she was happy that they'd stopped by, even if it was just for a little while. "You guys go- thanks for coming. And for the breakfast."

The four of them came by one by one, each giving both Kensi and Deeks a hug. As they all slipped out the door saying their goodbyes, Sam lingered just a moment longer by Deeks, whispering, "Don't mess this up. I'll kill you. For real."

Deeks just grinned a crooked smile and uttered, "Message received: loud and clear." Sam patted him on the back and they were gone, leaving just Kensi, Deeks, and nurse Cathy.

"So, now that your friends are gone I thought we may try to get you on crutches today! You seem quite eager to get out of bed, so we can try stretching a bit and then see what happens," Cathy said, looking back and forth between the two of them.

Kensi wasn't sure if she could do it- it had practically taken a team to get her into a wheelchair the day before. She'd try anything to get out of bed though, so Kensi just nodded.

Deeks pushed his cot back against the wall and moved to the recliner in the corner of the room. Cathy stretched with Kensi for around thirty minutes, trying to improve the circulation in her leg. Once Kensi was able to fully extend her leg on her own, Cathy waved Deeks back over.

He once again picked her up in a single fluid motion and placed her on the edge of the bed, feet hanging over the side.

"Kensi- Deeks is going to pull you up, and you can place your left arm around his neck, alright?" Kensi nodded, and Cathy added, "You're left leg should be able to support you, I think that the effects of your SCI are wearing off. It should be regaining mobility."

Deeks stood in front of Kensi, and she wrapped one arm around his neck, holding on tight. "This is fun Fern," he murmured, just barely loud enough for her to hear. She smirked and concentrated on breathing as he pulled her up off the hospital bed, gently landing to rest on one leg.

"Oh!" She sputtered; her left leg tingled and felt as if there were teeny tiny bugs crawling all over it.

"Are you okay?" Cathy asked, alarmed by the look on her face.

Kensi couldn't respond; it took entirely too much energy not to lie back down. The room was spinning, her left leg was trembling. She held tightly to Deeks' shirt, using it to steady herself. It had seemed like ages since she'd attempted to stand, and the vertigo was almost unbearable.

"I won't let you fall." Deeks said with a reassuring smile. He meant it in more ways than one.

Kensi wobbled and quickly collapsed back onto the bed, frustrated and embarrassed.

"I know it's hard, but it'll get better." Cathy was trying to be kind, but her voice seemed so condescending that it just made Kensi angrier.

"Can I just rest for a bit?" Kensi asked. She wasn't really tired; she just needed an excuse so that the nurse would leave her room.

"Sure," she said, helping Kensi back into the bed and pulled the covers up around her. "I'll be back to check on you in a bit." Cathy smiled sympathetically and walked out the door, leaving Kensi alone with Deeks.

He continued to stand by her side, but gestured to the door." Do you, um, want me to go too? I want to stay though, but only if _you_ want me too..."

Kensi didn't even answer his question, she just stared back at him in disbelief. "I don't understand Deeks. I made you come here in the middle of the night, babbling like a crazy, irrational, hysterical mess. I look terrifying-" she said, gesturing down to the rest of her body.

She was wrapped up in bandages, buried under tubes and wires. "How is it even possible for you to still be here?" She asked the question heatedly.

Kensi was frustrated with herself and the limitations that her body was giving her. Truly though, the last thing that Kensi wanted was for Deeks to leave. She was just scared, and felt like she was trapping him.

Deeks shook his head. Suddenly the hospital lights were too bright, the sanitized hallways too pungent with the strong scent of bleach. He couldn't decide whether he wanted sprint to the elevator and out the doors or reach down and give her a giant bear hug.

Neither of them had any idea how long it would take for her to get back up on her feet- Kensi hated the idea that he could be taking pity on her. Her lower lip wobbled, and she fought off tears. "I'm useless," she added, her voice reduced to a whisper. "How can you still love me?"

Was that even still a question? He wasn't going to let her push him away, and that was for certain.

Deeks walked right up to the side of her bed. He shrugged at her question and placed his hands in his pockets, staring at her with an unwavering gaze.

"It's quite simple, actually. I love you. Always have and always will. I will forever want to hug you and want you to hug me back. I want to hold your hand. I want to know that whenever you see me, you smile, because whenever I see you I can't stop smiling. Ever. I want to look into your eyes for hours. They're beautiful. You're beautiful, and I can't stop thinking about you every minute of every day. You're practically perfect Kens, even with all the wires and braces."

He paused for a minute, grinning and adding, "I want you to tell me that you think I'm handsome, because I am. Extremely handsome." Kensi laughed, tears filling her eyes. At least this time they were happy tears.

Deeks became serious once again. "Look Kensi: I want us, no matter what it takes. I want us to laugh for no reason and to act like idiots together. I mean, I can't promise you a perfect relationship, but what I can promise you is that if you're trying, I'm staying. No matter what. I want you to love me; to love us. I do. I... I'm in love with you."

Kensi had no words, so she just stared at him, mouth agape in wonder. How did he always know the perfect thing to say? "I love you too Deeks," was all that she was able to get out.

Gingerly, Deeks lowered the safety rail and propped his leg on the bed, allowing her too scoot over so he could sit close to her. She leaned into him and sighed. He caught her easily and pulled her close.

Kensi found it funny that she didn't miss Deeks' affection until was given, but in that moment she craved it more than anything else. He could never give it enough; she would drown in it if possible.

"I'm sorry Deeks... for-for doubting you." She looked down, picking at her cast.

"It's ok babe- there's nothing to be sorry for." He looked around the room, taking in his surroundings. "I can't wait to get out of this awful place."

"Me neither."

"I love you."

She grinned and leaned into him just a bit more, winding her arm tightly around his waist. "I love you too."


	11. Darkness Ensues

**I don't know what else to say up here other than thank you. Truth is, this story is a hard one. Hard to scaffold and hard to write. I don't want to rush anything, and I am trying my best to pace it well. So anyway- THANK YOU! Like always, please leave your reviews for this chapter below! =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Cathy reemerged around twenty minutes later, her eyes conspicuously red and puffy. "You doing better now? I can go get you both lunch if you'd like?"

Kensi glanced up at Deeks, silently asking him to go find them something better to eat than hospital food; he easily took the hint.

"I think I'll run and grab us something- thank you though." He slowly stood up and stretched, his left leg numb from hanging off the bed.

Kensi motioned for him to lean in. "Pizza and a twinkie?" She asked, winking at him. She used to hide her addiction to those cream filled sponge cakes, but that was pointless now, as she knew he'd figured it out a long time ago.

He flashed his crooked smile and leaned in to kiss her cheek. "The best medicine."

* * *

Deeks sauntered back into the room thirty minutes later- no food in sight.

"Where's lunch?" She asked, a bit disappointed. Kensi's stomach was growling, and hospital food wasn't exactly idea of a good meal. Everything was bland and carried the same flavor as the plastic bowl it was served in.

He just grinned at her, looking quite mischievous. "I had something else in mind for today- come with me?" He asked, pointing his thumb behind him out the door.

She furrowed her brow, uncertain as to what he was doing, but agreed anyway. Deeks easily lowered her into an awaiting wheelchair, and pushed her out the door and into the elevator. He was wearing a huge, silly grin and she studied his face but was still unsure what was going on- Deeks was being rather ambiguous.

Once they reached level five, he wheeled her around the corner, through the double doors and onto the deck.

They were the only two people on the deck, and directly in front of her was a small card table, covered with a clean white tablecloth. A single chair sat on one side, the other open for her wheelchair.

The tabletop was set beautifully- a small vase with a single flower in it, two plates already set with three slices of pizza each, and a dessert plate in the middle with one lone twinkie on it.

"Wow!" She said, gasping at the intricate spread before her. "Is this for us?"

He began pushing wheelchair her towards the table, nodding enthusiastically. "Yup. I reserved the deck for the next hour. It's just you and I, Fern."

She sat with the best view, facing the city. Deeks had his favorite view as well: Kensi.

They once again sat together eating and talking, both relishing every moment of their new mormal. It certainly wasn't perfect- but it was theirs. Kensi and Deeks both needed time away from the smell of disinfectant and the harsh bluish tint of the florescent lights.

"So- how are you feeling?" He asked in between oversized bites of pizza. "I mean we haven't really talked about it much- what are the nurses saying?"

"I'm alright." She couldn't shrug but it was evident in her voice. "The nurses are saying that I can get the casts off my right leg and right hand in a few days- luckily they are both minor fractures so the casts were just for preventative purposes, mainly. " She looked over his shoulder to the beautiful view of the city, longing to return.

Kensi squinted at the bright sunlight-which was giving her a bit of a headache. She ignored it, as usual.

"I just can't wait to get on crutches and find my way out of this place. Everyone is nice and helpful… but it isn't home."

Her eyes met his once more, looking quite glum and serious. "I also miss OSP. Seeing everyone was great, but I feel like I… like I don't have a purpose anymore." She spoke bluntly, shocking Deeks.

He dropped his slice of pizza mid-bite back to the plate, and grabbed her hand from across the table. Kensi usually wasn't the type to openly share her feelings, or to admit that she was afraid for the future- it just wasn't something she did.

"You'll be able to go back soon enough- and that's crazy talk. You still have a purpose, Kens. Always." She just smiled and nodded, deep in thought.

He thought for a moment, then winced, adding, "Even if you can go back to OSP soon, you probably shouldn't be getting shot at while your body tries to heal- not really the best idea."

"I know," she easily agreed, defeated. She dropped her slice too, quickly losing her appetite. "That's what bothers me. I feel like even when I am supposedly _back to normal,_ I won't be able to do normal stuff like field work."

He just showed her half a smile. "I know it's hard, but you'll be back to it eventually. In the meantime though, you can just be a super-sexy data analyst. You are a professional lip reader- that can definitely come in handy. I'll get you some nerd glasses, and you can work up in OSP with Nell and Eric. Trust me- it would be great."

She smirked and rolled her eyes, appreciating the comic relief.

He leaned back in his chair, showed her his best crooked smile, and placed his hands behind his head. "If nothing else- your purpose is to make me smile, Fern. Now come on- I worked hard on that food!" he said, sarcastically pointing to the unfinished slice on Kensi's plate. "Fern- finish your pizza, and eat that twinkie."

* * *

Dinnertime had rolled around, and Kensi was feeling quite sick after a long day of continuous stretching and exercising with Cathy. It shouldn't be making her feel that way though, and she knew it. Stretching was supposed to make everything better, or _back to normal, _as she kept saying.

Kensi wasn't quite sure what was going on inside of her damaged body; her neck felt extra stiff, she was hot and cold, and every light seemed as if it was blinding her.

Deeks had reluctantly run back to his house to grab Monty and drop him off at a friend's house, as he wasn't sure how long it would take him to get back to any sort of a normal schedule. He certainly didn't want leave Monty alone all day- everyday.

He hastily reemerged though, carrying a homemade chicken and rice casserole that Nell had made the night before and dropped off at his place.

"Hey Kens," He walked in, dropping a quick kiss to her cheek and sitting down in the seat next to her. She was sitting alone in the quiet hospital room without the TV or radio playing- just silence.

The only sounds were of computerized resperation and the continuous tick of the clock.

"Babe- do you wanna turn the TV on or something?" He looked into her eyes- Kensi sat unmoving, just staring forward at nothing. Her eyes were glazed over, and a single string of drool ran from her mouth. It seemed as if she was lost in another world- either deep in thought, or not thinking at all.

"Kensi," he nudged her arm, and she stayed still, unresponsive. Luckily her eyes were open- which was almost even more disconcerting.

"Kensi- Are you alright?" Nothing. She continued to stare ahead, seemingly not hearing a word he was saying.

"Cathy!" He screamed, standing up and dropping the food to the table on his left. She swiftly charged in from around the corner, immediately running over to Kensi's side.

"Something's really wrong," he said, stating what already seemed glaringly obvious. "She's totally unresponsive." His voice was shaking, and he waved a single hand in front of her face. Again; nothing.

Cathy fiddled with Kensi's cords and wires. "I think it she's having a seizure." Deeks heart just about stopped altogether. "It is most likely a reaction to one of her medications- we were just beginning to wean her off of it," she said, shaking her head. Cathy put her hand on Kensi's forehead and worked quickly, gently removing her IVs.

"She's quite feverish as well- help me get her into the wheelchair." Deeks swooped in, carefully maneuvering her across the room and gently placing her into the chair.

Her lashes were fluttering—she was struggling to keep up with them. It was unsettling, and Deeks could feel the tears creep into his eyes, beginning to cloud his vision.

'"I am taking her up to the 7th floor neurological unit- I need you to stay here!" Cathy yelled, already half way out the door.

He stood for a moment, cheeks flushed and breathing shallow as he watched Kensi leave him once more. Deeks eventually let out a heavy sigh and sunk into the recliner, defeated.

He decided that it was useless to try and prevent himself from crying, as numbing the pain for just a little while would only make it worse when he felt it. Which he had; over and over again. There was a thin line that separated Deeks' feelings of love and grief, pain and comedy, humor and hurt.

It seemed as though every time they were returning to normalcy, things took a turn for the worse. She took two steps forward and another back. He wouldn't run away though- he couldn't. If he left, Deeks would never forgive himself, or be able to live even a remotely happy life.

Kensi was much more than a partner, and he didn't want to exist a single day without her. Deeks could meet a million people in his life, but he knew he would never meet someone that could make him feel the way Kensi did.

She certainly was something special; different than anyone he had ever met.

He knew things would be different when they left the hospital, but he wanted it all the same. He wanted a life with her- forever. No matter what.

People talk about how perfect love is, but that is bull. Love can hurt, and a feeling as strong as love can become a wound. It will tear you apart if it isn't treated properly. The damage was permanent; there would always be scars. He would forever be haunted by his memories of her in pain. Eternally followed by the sound of her screams on that dreaded first day in the hospital.

Pain is the most confusing feeling that exists. We hate it, but at the same time we wouldn't be able to live without it. Can you imagine a life without pain and suffering? No you cannot, because that life would cease to exist. Our souls cannot know happiness if we have yet to know grief. We wouldn't be able to call happiness a 'good' feeling, because we would not yet know what the darkness felt like.

Deeks swallowed hard, thinking. Somehow, in the midst of all this, _he _was the one breaking down. He was the one who was unsure how to carry on, unsure of how they were going to get past the roadblocks.

He put his head into his hands, taking a deep breath as he let tears flow down his already swollen cheeks. All Deeks could do was hope- it's the only thing stronger than fear.


	12. Half Awake

**Sorry for yet **_**another **_**cliffhanger in that last chapter- I quite like writing them, if you can't tell. I hope you all enjoy this next installment- I will continue to update daily! =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Cathy reentered the room with Kensi around an hour later, who looked unconscious. She had been placed onto a gurney sometime in the absence, and was hooked up to even more cords and wires. As they wheeled away her old bed and replaced it with the new one that she was laying on, Deeks noticed what looked to be stickers on her head, hooked up to a screen.

Cathy eyed Deeks and waved him over, following his gaze. She was carrying a clipboard and wearing a solemn expression.

"What is it now?" He asked, stifling a heavy sigh that wanted to escape his lips.

She let out a deep breath before speaking. "It's mostly all good news. Kensi was having a seizure, just as I suspected, It just wasn't from what I thought. It wasn't a reaction to the medication- she has meningitis." Deeks stared at her, shocked. _'How is that good news?'_ She seemed to hear his implied question and continued on.

"The machine that she is hooked up to is monitoring her brain waves. It will alert me immediately if she has another seizure. The type of seizure she had is called an absence seizure, so it is difficult to detect unless you are trying to talk to her or engage her in some way." Deeks could do nothing but just stare at Kensi as his mind processed all the new information.

"Now I know that meningitis isn't fun, but we can get past it. It's just a roadblock, and I know it sucks, put things are looking up- I promise." She said, smiling compassionately, turning her attention to Kensi, whose eyes were fluttering awake. Deeks rushed back to her side and grabbed her hand, which was hot and clammy in his.

"Kensi- I have something that ought to brighten your mood- I can take your neck brace off! The cervical fracture should be healed up by now- all that time in the halo brace made everything go much quicker." Kensi smiled feebly and looked over at Deeks, who grinned through worried eyes.

"Hey Deeks- thanks for staying." Kensi said weakly, using all her strength to lightly squeeze his hand. "Always," he answered simply.

Cathy quietly cleared her throat and they both looked up to meet her stare. "Is there anything I can get you, Kensi?"

She glanced over at Deeks, silently asking him to speak for her, which he didn't mind in the slightest.

He just smiled at Cathy and nodded. "Yeah- how about a coffee. Black, no sugar."

"Military girl, huh?"

"How'd'ya know?"

* * *

Cathy removed the brace quickly and painlessly as Kensi rested, dozing in and out of consciousness. She was utterly exhausted, which Cathy recognized as a side effect of her new medication.

Deeks continued to stay by her side even while she rested and the nurses left- he didn't want her waking up alone, as she had the other night.

He ate the casserole that Nell had made for them, and shared with Kensi when she woke up from one of her many naps. She had lost a bit of her appetite because of the meningitis, but it was still Kensi after all, so she ate regardless.

Deeks just sat, watching her weak figure as she tried slowly and carefully to eat the food that had been laid out before her. He studied her every movement, and put her any and every need ahead of his own.

Kensi knew that Deeks was drained- mentally and physically. That fact just made everything worse. His eyes were drooping, his posture was lacking, and he looked as if he might fall asleep any minute. He was being so amazing and so kind though, and she didn't want it to go unnoticed.

But at the same time, Kensi didn't want sympathy or remorse from anyone. She just needed to be normal again, so she wouldn't have to feel so fragile and just purely pathetic all the time.

Though she tried to hold it in, Kensi let a single tear silently spill over her lid and streak down her cheek. She suddenly felt so weak, setback once again by her own body's inability to heal itself. The meningitis wasn't helping matters either- her head was pounding and her neck felt stiff as a board.

Kensi looked up as she took the last bite of her food, dropping her fork and slowly pushing the bowl away. She felt awful letting Deeks see that side of herself. She hated crying in solitude, and despised it even more when she had an audience.

"What's wrong, Kens?" He asked, turning all of his attention once again to her.

Kensi quickly wiped the tear off her cheek, shaking her head. "I'm fine Deeks," she lied, giving him a bogus smile.

He knew her much better than that; she obviously wasn't alright, which needed to be rectified.

"I know this is hard, but like Cathy said- it _is _going to get better." He smiled, grabbing her hand.

"Oh, I know. It'll all be fine." The unexpected hindrance was weighing heavy on her mind, and she looked around the room slowly, wondering if she was ever going to get out of that place. Speculating if she'd ever be able to see the world beyond those bleak and isolated white walls.

Deeks put his hand on her shoulder, bringing her mind back to reality.

"I love you," he said simply, and leaned over her to place a gentle kiss on her lips. "Every step of the way."

He gingerly lowered the safety rail, allowing her to scoot over before he propped his right leg up on the bed next to hers. He wove his arm around her shoulders, finally able to rest it there without the brace blocking his way. They sat for a moment, and he stroked her shoulder as Kensi leaned her head on his shoulder.

"It's just hard Deeks," she said finally, becoming teary eyed once more.

"I know." He said meekly, through truthfully he didn't. He had no idea what she was going through; but she had temporarily lost everything that was familiar. Her identity was her strength and tenacity- losing that couldn't be easy.

Deeks ran his fingers through her hair, whispering sweet nothings into her ear as she leaned into him further, closing her eyes.

"Sh." He didn't want her to worry about anything. As he had learned, it was pointless and got them nowhere. Kensi just needed to focus on getting better.

Sleep was tugging at her, attempting to drag her into the darkness. Her eyes eventually fluttered closed, and she let the darkness take her.

* * *

It was getting late- the clock had ticked well past midnight. Once Kensi had fallen asleep, Deeks ever so discreetly lifted himself off the bed and back into the empty chair-still holding her hand, but not wanting to disturb her. She needed to sleep well, without getting any kinks in her neck from laying her head on Deeks' shoulder.

The chair had practically conformed to his body, an indentation made from the hours he'd spent in it.

Cathy wandered back in and lowered her bed, removing the cannula but not replacing it with a nebulizer.

"She doesn't need it anymore," she whispered, grinning at Deeks and pulling up a chair next to him.

"So- were you guys always this close?" Cathy asked quietly, raising one eyebrow. "Things seemed a bit complicated when she first got here-just _partners,_" she said with a wink, thinking back to Kensi's first day in the hospital.

He just smiled slightly- partially unwilling and partially unsure how to explain their complex relationship. "Not exactly. This-" he said gesturing to his hand in hers, "-is new. We've always had one another's back though- we're partners. It's what we do."

"I can tell," she said with a wink. She was trying to be motherly, and he appreciated it. "I'm guessing you didn't have late night conversations like that though." Apparently she had been listening in on them; he had assumed nothing less. She was a bit like a nosy neighbor- one with good intentions.

Deeks thought for a moment, cocking his head to one side. "Yeah. I mean, sometimes. Back before all this she used to show up late once in a while, hang with me while weworked something out," he said, thinking back to the night she got in her accident. He wished he hadn't.

"Really? Well she doesn't really seem like an open book to me," she said kindly. The nurse was treading lightly, not wanted to push on any wounds.

Deeks didn't seem to take offence though. He scratched his neck, hesitating before he spoke. "You just can't try to pry emotions out of her or bluntly ask her how she's feeling. She's usually alright with me, but Kensi is one tough cookie—you have to let her deal with these things herself. If you don't, well you're likely to get bit."

She smirked. "Yeah- I kinda figured that out the other day with the whole 'crutches' situation… I felt awful. She wasn't ready, and I pushed it."

"Yeah." Deeks hated agreeing, but she was right. It was too soon, and at the time Kensi definitely wasn't ready to get up on crutches.

"It's okay though," Deeks ran his hand through his hair, tousling his wavy blond locks. "Hopefully she will be soon enough."

Cathy nodded with a smile and stood up to go.

He looked back at Kensi, who by then was fast asleep. She looked even more like her old self with the brace off of her neck, and he loved it.

Her cheeks were quite rosy from the fever, and Deeks could visibly see the beads of sweat that had accumulated around her hairline. There were still stitches in her chin, and he was sure that even when they were gone, there would always be a mark. One reminding them of what they had lost and what they had gained through the entire experience.

He studied her face- it was like the cover of a book. Her book. He could see the scars and read the unprinted words written across her face. It was a story filled with grief, sadness, joy, and the occasional bought of hysterical laughter.

It was gunpowder and sunshine, and it was the Story of Kensi Blye. A long, complex, 800-page novel that had taken him years to even begin to decipher. It was confusing and baffling; mystifying yet endearing. There were new twists and turns on every page, and he couldn't put the book down. He wanted it to continue and never end- he needed to know what was going to happen next.

But that was impossible, as there were no hints hidden in between the lines. No chapters that had been left unread- for her story was still being written.


	13. Rise to Me

**What else is there to say up here? Not much. I am updating twice today because I don't believe that I will have time tomorrow- so enjoy! You all are too nice to me- and I love it. Please continue to review- I read each one! =)**

**-Hazel**

**P.S. I have the next chapter just about written, but I do love suggestions for my stories. Let me know what you want to read, and I'll see what I can write.**

* * *

Kensi finally stood to her full height and gasped slightly, her brown eyes wide. She hadn't done much more than just sitting in days, and the shock of seeing Deeks at his same level was almost too much. Almost, but at the same time it wasn't enough. She wanted more- she wanted to walk.

"Great job Kens," Deeks said with a smile, giving her a quick kiss. He was hovering over her, hands out waiting to catch her if she were to trip.

Kensi blushed, surprised by his sudden outburst of public affection. "Thanks."

The day after Kensi's seizure episode, Cathy had finally taken the cast off her right arm and gotten her up onto crutches. Kensi's fever had dropped, and the meningitis was quickly leaving her system, fought away by round after round of antibiotics.

Standing was difficult though, as the weight of her body plus the weight of her cast was balancing solely on her left leg.

Kensi certainly was not weak, so she didn't cry. She was in a bit of pain, but more in a refreshing, thrilling kind of way. This was quite different than the kind of pain that may cripple you and send you away crying. No, it was not that at all. She was healing; her body was regenerating. It was becoming stronger, more like her old self- every single day.

Her fingernails dug into the palms of her hands, and her teeth bit into her lips. She steadied her bobbing head and looked forward, eyes clear.

"Lets try to get you moving! You wanna walk up and down the hall with that sweet boyfriend of yours?" Cathy asked.

"Okay," Kensi replied, smiling though she was unsure of her body's limitations. Her leg tingled with excitement as she began slowly moving towards the door, using all of her upper body strength to balance herself between the crutches. She was wearing a pair of white running shoes that Deeks had grabbed from her apartment, and she felt like one of the nurses as the rubber soles squeaked along the floor.

Deeks walked alongside, one hand around her arm as he helped her to balance until they were finally out into the hall.

"I got this Deeks," she said, smiling but still slightly snippy. Kensi needed to prove that she was alright; that she was more than capable of taking care of herself. Showing _them_ was the easy part though; proving it to herself was much more difficult.

He smiled at her tenacity, stepping away slightly. "Alright Fern. I'll go to the end of the hall, and you walk down there to meet me, okay?"

Kensi felt as if she was a toddler just learning to walk. It was embarrassing, to say the least. She needed to do it though, so she swallowed her pride. "Okay."

Deeks walked to the end of the nearly empty hall; only a few doctors and nurses were still there. He took a military stance, arms crossed behind his back. He certainly wasn't going to reach his arms out and wait to catch her- that would just be humiliating.

Kensi's cheeks were red and bright, and she furrowed her brow, purely concentrating on not falling. Her leg felt stiff and inflexible as she attempted to maneuver across the bleached hospital floors.

She finally reached Deeks, dizzy and out of breath. "Great job Fern." He winked at her and she just smiled, collapsing into him and allowing Deeks to fully hold her up.

He didn't mind in the slightest, so he just wrapped his arm around her waist and let her lean into his side. Cathy went to grab a wheelchair, as Kensi had just about used up her quota of energy.

"I love you," she whispered in between her heavy breathing.

He just smiled and shook his head; it still felt surreal to hear her say those words aloud. She was saying them a lot too- he liked that even more. "I love you too."

He kissed the top of her head but pulled away, blushing, when Cathy walked towards them. "Let's get her into the wheelchair- she seems really tired."

She smiled and winked. "No problem, Romeo."

* * *

Life nearly felt normal again. Deeks walked down Wilshire Blvd to a coffee shop a few blocks from the hospital. The sun beamed down on his face as he passed by the typical dog-walkers, coffee drinkers and Bluetooth wearing businessmen in expensive suits.

He felt alone without Kensi, but knew that she would be able to join him soon enough. She was fast asleep, so he had taken a quick break from sitting in the hospital to go meet with Sam, Callen, Nell and Eric. They had just wrapped up their case, and all wanted to know how Kensi was doing.

Their little meeting certainly wasn't secret by any means, he just knew Kensi well enough to know that she would feel strange with the attention all centered on her. She didn't want to make a big fuss about her injuries; even if they were profound.

"Hey guys," he said, a smile forming on his face as he saw everyone crowded around a small table, sipping their coffees. It felt so strange to not be with them everyday; he hadn't realized how much he missed them all until that moment.

"Hey!" they all replied in unison, smiling through their worried gazes.

Deeks grinned; he couldn't wait to share good news with them, finally. He slipped into a seat as Callen passed a coffee down across the table.

"Thanks man." he grabbed it, downing half the cup in a single long sip. Knowing that all they really wanted to hear about was Kensi, he just dived right into it.

Deeks told them about everything- from her first try to get up on crutches to the seizure scare, as well as their lunch on the terrace.

They all watched him speak, each of their facial expressions fading in and out of happiness and grief.

"She walked down the hall today- by herself. Just crutches." He smiled, watching the everyone's faces light up again.

Callen smiled, puffing his chest like a proud big brother. "It's not surprising. She's a pistol."

Nell quickly put her hand up, holding her pointer finger out. "If that is the case, than when can she go home? And come back to OSP?" She asked eagerly. Nell desperately missed her friend, and wanted Kensi back to work as soon as she could stand, basically.

Deeks sighed. "We haven't been given an exact date yet. We are both hoping that it is soon though- she can't wait to get out of there." He couldn't wait to either, but refrained from adding that.

"Is there going to be any permanent damage?" Sam asked cautiously.

Everyone was wondering it, so Deeks he thought he might as well calm their fears.

"Luckily, no." Deeks said, grinning. That expression quickly changed though, as he thought back to their first few days in the hospital. "At first they weren't so sure. She had a slight spinal cord injury… It could've been much worse than it was." He said, looking away momentarily.

"Well we are glad that isn't the case then." Callen said, bringing Deeks back to reality.

Sam looked at his phone when the blue light began to flash. "We need to go- just caught a case."

They all gave hugs and said their goodbyes. Deeks sat for a moment after they all left, grabbing a bagel from the deli and just relaxing. It was nice having a moment to himself, uninterrupted by doctors and nurses.

He needed to get back soon though, or Kensi would be wondering where he was.

Sure enough, when he reentered Kensi's hospital room she was awake and alert. Her expression changed into a huge grin that stretched from ear to ear as he entered her room.

She was sitting in the chair that had practically become his over the past few weeks, just playing with her tablet. Her brown hair was down and curly, the waves spilling over her shoulders.

"Hey!" She exclaimed, switching off the tablet and looking up to meet his gaze.

"Sorry I took your chair, I just wanted to sit up for awhile." She grinned and stretched her arms out above her head. "It feels really good."

"I'm glad," he said, giving her his best crooked smile and quickly walking up to her side, perching himself on the edge of the recliner and wrapping his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close.

"I went to go meet with the team for a little bit," Deeks said, before Kensi even prompted the question.

She lifted her eyebrows and turned towards him. "Really? How was it? How is everyone?" Kensi smiled sadly, looking back down at her lap and adding, "I miss them."

"I know," he replied. "They definitely miss you too. Nell was nearly convulsing when I said that you ought to be able to go back home in a few weeks."

She just smiled and nodded, pushing herself up on one leg to let Deeks slip into the seat of the recliner. She sat back down on his lap, gently resting her head on his chest.

Deeks sighed and stroked her hair, letting her melt into him. He thought back to that first time he saw her lying in the hospital, when he realized all things that he loved so much about her. The ease with which she fit into his arms- now that was definitely putting going at the top of his list. He didn't have to be undercover to feel it anymore, which made it feel just that much better.

"I know I keep saying it Deeks, but…" she smirked and looked up, her head still resting on his chest, now just inches from his face. "I love you. So much."

He once again was unsure of what to say. So instead of speaking, he just kissed her. As long as he could smell her scent, and as long as he could kiss her, he knew that she was still there. He knew that it wasn't all a dream; that he hadn't imagined her falling in love with him, and him with her.

Once they finally pulled away, she nestled her head back into his chest. "I'm glad you chose me, Deeks."

He wrapped his arms tightly around her, pulling her closer still. "I don't think it was really a choice. I fell in love with you. I couldn't change that even if I tried."

He smiled and rested his chin on the top of her head. "But if _given _the choice- I would choose you, Kens."

She smiled, relishing in that moment, when Kensi finally knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted to be in love so much that it hurt. She wanted to finish someone else's sentences. To be married with little ninja assassins that she adored. To have a husband who made her feel safe, beautiful, smart, secure, silly, serious, salacious, serene and satisfied.

She wanted someone who could make her laugh even when it wasn't that easy. She wanted to believe in someone, in something, in a future family that wasn't what she'd always thought it might be: laundry, soccer practice, subdivisions, and guilt-tripping grandparents. She wanted to complete someone; to make them a better person.

Then it hit her: that someone was Deeks.

* * *

**Once again- kudos to tumblr for helping me write some pretty good quotes. I can't cite an author, because they don't have one listed, but they were so good that I just couldn't leave them out. =)**


	14. A Light in the Dark

**Read on my dears- I think you will quite like this chapter. Please review as always. =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Days went by, then weeks. Kensi continued to improve, each day returning more and more to her fun loving, cheeky, yet tough old self.

Hours of stretching, strengthening, walking, and tripping with Cathy and Deeks had eventually paid off. Slowly the wounds became scars, and the scars began to fade away.

The physical injuries she sustained from the crash were healing up nicely as well. Twenty-five stitches were removed from her chin, as well as the cast from her leg. She had barely any trouble walking on her own anymore; her left leg was still just a bit stiff.

It had been nearly a month since her accident when the day came for Kensi to leave the hospital. Deeks and her were no longer stuck on the ICU floor, as she was moved downstairs to the general-care unit about three days after her seizure.

The room was much smaller, but she liked it better still. There was no quiet hush, and she could hear others talking. It was a lovely sound compared to solely hearing the beeping of respirators and ticking of heart monitors. People were up and walking around, moving independently without crutches or wheelchairs. It was exactly what she wanted- a floor with people that were living, and in return pushing her to live.

Kensi had awoken early that day, and was wearing a stretchy yoga top and sweatpants that Deeks had bought for her a few weeks prior. She loved getting out of that itchy hospital gown and into something more comfortable, something more normal.

Though she had wanted to leave sooner, the doctors had made her stay in the hospital so they could monitor her brain waves- the last thing that anyone wanted was her getting home and having more absence seizures. It annoyed her, but she couldn't deny that it was all for the best.

Deeks woke up to a gentle shaking of his shoulder. Kensi was standing over him, smiling in the dim early-morning light. He found it funny that she was the one waking him up, as if Deeks was the patient who'd been in the hospital for weeks.

Her hair was down, flowing over her shoulders in pools of soft waves. She looked to be wearing a bit of the makeup that Nell had brought her- it was the first time that she'd bothered with it in weeks.

Deeks loved that she was acting as if it was any other normal day. As if Hetty was going to call them any minute, informing them that they had a case. It wasn't obviously; but he could still enjoy it all the same.

"Today's the day!" Kensi exclaimed, leaning down and dropping a quick kiss to his lips. She walked around to the chairs against the wall to finish packing up her bag. She stowed the quilt Deeks had brought her from home, along with the many other items he had bought her over the past few weeks. Deeks thought that showering her with gifts seemed like the best medicine- and she couldn't lie, it didn't hurt.

Kensi was especially chipper that morning; she could not wait to get out of that place and back to her own apartment. To feel her toes sink into her own carpet, to relax on her couch with Deeks and have a beer while watching the Top Model marathon. In that moment, nothing seemed more appealing.

Deeks sat up in his cot, yawning as he wiped his eyes and ran his hands through his messy hair. His back was sore; he had spent many nights at the hospital with Kensi, sleeping on the hospital bed even when she told him that it was fine to go home. He said it was better to sleep there than to go home to an empty apartment with no Monty, but truthfully he just didn't want to leave the hospital without her.

His outfit consisted of a forest green tee shirt and black sweatpants. He wasn't planning on changing for the drive back home- but quickly remembered something else he'd had planned.

Deeks jumped out of bed and shut the door for a bit of privacy. He left on his tee but swiftly grabbed his jeans off the dresser and threw them on, discarding his sweatpants to his duffle bag.

"Hey Kens?" He asked, attempting to get her attention as she continued to sort through her bag, preoccupied and distracted.

"Yeah babe- what's up?"

Though she didn't notice, Deeks grinned a cheeky smile and ran his hand through his hair once more, looking down to the floor.

"Will you come with me for just a minute?" He asked, quiet and unassuming.

She looked up, surprised. "Um, yeah. Where?" Kensi furrowed her brow.

He grinned, trying to hide how nervous he was behind a smile. It usually worked pretty well. "Just up to the deck for a minute before we load up my car."

"Oh… alright." She replied, still unsure of what he was doing.

"Just let me fix my hair real quick."

When she moved across the room, you could barely tell that she'd ever even had an injury. She walked over to the bedside table, grabbing a tie and flipping her head over, pulling her hair back into a ponytail.

He shifted from foot to foot, nervously awaiting her company.

"Let's go," she finally said with a smile. Kensi had no clue what was going on, but she'd play along for his sake.

Deeks slipped on shoes and grabbed her hand, walking swiftly down the hall and into the elevators.

Once they reached the fifth floor, Deeks walked with Kensi outside. To her surprise, they once again had the deck all to themselves. It was a beautiful day- the sun was shining directly on her face, and she took in the sweeping view of the city.

She looked back to Deeks, who was was acting rather strange- tapping his foot and messing with his hair more than usual.

"Hey Deeks- you alright?" She asked, cocking her head to one side.

Maybe he had another meal planned out for them on the deck? No, that wasn't it. Kensi looked around- there was nothing there out of the ordinary. Just beautiful potted geraniums and tulips, along with a couple of lounge chairs.

He walked around in front of her, releasing her hand. Deeks stood tall, his eyes beating into hers with an unwavering gaze.

It was almost worrisome, the look he was giving her. So staunch and serious. It was not all a 'Deeks' thing to do, but then again they had both been acting different with one another recently. They were saying how they felt; that certainly was new.

"I can't wait to get you home Kensi- out of this place. Sharing you with all the doctors and nurses isn't exactly my idea of a good time."

He took a deep breath, shifting his weight and placing his hands in his pockets. "I worry about losing you. Especially after that seizure a few weeks ago… I worry everyday, Kens."

She showed him half a smile, unsure of where he was going. She knew he wasn't leaving her- it definitely wasn't that. He just wasn't acting like, well, _Deeks. _The normal Deeks was succinct and charming and cheeky, not poignant or truly emotive.

"I don't want to make you worry," she said placing a hand on his arm. "I am fine now, Deeks. I am going home. _We _are going home. There is nothing to worry about anymore, I promise," she said, gesturing up and down her cast-free body. "Everything is back to normal. I will try not to throw you any more loops."

There was a strange flutter in Deeks' chest—a pressure. He didn't want their old 'normal again'. Their old normal was not whole or complete. They were just partners. Partners who left many words unsaid, and who had terrible communication skills.

Deeks knew that he had to face all aspects of his life head on. The pain, the pleasure- everything. No path could be left untraveled. He understood then more than ever that wanted a life with her, and only her. One uninterrupted by unspoken feelings and trepidation.

Whenever they weren't together, he felt this strange, inexplicable pang in his chest. The thing is, when two souls fall in love, there is nothing else but a strong yearning to be close to one another. The presence that is felt through a hand held, a smile dealt, or a voice heard.

Souls don't have clocks or calanders, nor do they understand the notion of time or distance. They only know that it feels right to be with one another.

That was the reason why they missed one another so much when they weren't together- even if they were only in the very next room. They just knew that it felt right to be with one another. Their bodies could merely feel the absence- even if it was temporary.

Deeks' heart would always ache for her, as she was the only one for him. She consumed his thoughts; he could waste hours just sitting around thinking about her.

Kensi waited for Deeks to add something more, but he was quiet. "Was there something you wanted to say?" she asked, cautiously. He didn't answer right away, but she could feel him struggling, so she waited.

Deeks grinned a crooked smile, his eyes still beating into hers without fault.

"Can I ask you something?"

It was Kensi's turn to hesitate. "And what would that be?" she hedged, smiling all the while.

Deeks had been planning what he was going to say for weeks, but in that moment he couldn't hold it in any longer. He knew that he wouldn't be able to get through any sort of a rehearsed speech.

He dug around in his pocket for a moment. Kensi's breath hitched and her heart rate soared to new heights as he sunk down to one knee before her.

"Kensi Blye- will you marry me?"


	15. Fluttering Hearts

**Thank you SO much for all the kind reviews on the last chapter! Please leave me you thoughts below as always. =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

_"Kensi Blye- will you marry me?"_

Kensi struggled to find the words to name the feelings that flooded through her, but she had no words strong enough to hold them. For a long moment, she let them wash over her and cover her with their beauty. When she surfaced, she was not the same woman she had been.

She was different; stronger. Regenerated by the power of those six simple words. They flooded through her, taking with them everything in their path, but at the same time giving it all back ten fold.

The single word that she whispered drifted through the air, as if leaving a mark on the clear blue skies. "Yes."

Hands shaking, Deeks slipped the flawless diamond rock onto her left hand ring finger.

Tears streamed down her face as he stood up without hesitation and grabbed Kensi, enveloping her in a kiss.

Her hands wrapped around his neck, pulling him even closer to her. As close as he could be, really.

Because in that moment, neither of them moved. Neither of them breathed. They just- existed together. Any prior tension that had been lingering nearby was long gone. And the kiss was candid, still desperate, because it was real. The most honest, sincere moment they'd ever shared.

Kensi eventually reluctantly pulled back, out of breath. She just giggled, as she had no clue what else to do. He had just proposed- and she was still in shock.

"I love you," she breathed, resting her forehead against his. Deeks gave her his best crooked smile, and replied. "I love you too. Now let's get out of this damn place."

Nurse Cathy nearly passed out when Kensi and Deeks resurfaced in the hospital room, as she noticed the rock that adorned Kensi's left hand and the tears that were still quite apparent on her face.

"Oh my GOD!" She squealed, running over to grab Kensi's hand. She just stared at the ring, before grabbing Deeks for a huge hug.

"I called it, you know," she said, looking at Kensi and pointing back and forth between the two of them. "I told her that you were more than a partner. I just could tell."

She squealed once more, then finally relented and helped them grab their bags to carry out to the car.

After a couple of hugs and a few tears shed from Cathy, Kensi and Deeks were finally in the car, driving away from the hospital that had been housing both of them for a number of weeks.

It was surreal for Kensi- in the beginning she was unsure if she was ever going to leave that place. She hated that hospital, but at the same time loved it. It contained some of the worst and best memories she had ever experienced. There were moments of agonizing pain, as well as elated happiness.

They drove for a few minutes in comfortable silence. Neither of them really knew what to say to one another. Everything had just happened so quickly, and it was taking time for both of them to realize what had just occurred.

Kensi was in a car wreck. She said I love you. Deeks became her boyfriend. A month later, they were engaged. _Engaged. _

It all flew towards her in a split second. She opened her mouth halfway and then closed it again, unsure of what exactly she could say to him.

"Hey Deeks?" She asked, quietly. He grabbed his water from the cup holder, taking a swig before nonchalantly replying: "Yeah."

Kensi just let out a small laugh- he was acting as if this was all _normal- _like this was all expected. Obviously it wasn't too much of a shock to him- he had been the one who planned the proposal.

Kensi cleared her throat before she spoke.

"This may be a dumb question- but who's place are we going to? And what is going on? Are we moving in together, or what?" She was rambling, looking out the window in front of her, practically speaking aloud to herself. "I mean are you going to live with me, or me with you? Are we gonna get buy a house? We are going to get married, so we have to live together, ya know? And oh my gosh- we are going to get married! Nell can help me with that. I'll have to find flowers and placeholders and a cake…"

Deeks just smiled to himself as she continued to rant about beef tartar and groomsmen.

"Kens!" He finally exclaimed, stopping her mid-sentence. "Everything. Is. Going. To. Be. Fine." He grabbed her left hand, holding it in his. "I promise. We'll figure it out. We got engaged like, twenty minutes ago."

She just took a deep breath- Kensi knew he was right. She loved to analyze, scrutinize and overthink everything. It was just her thing. She had always done it- but in this case it was a bit much.

"Okay- but seriously. Whose apartment are we going to?" Deeks was on the freeway now, one mile from the exit to her place and two miles from his.

He just shrugged. Truthfully he didn't have any of it figured out himself- he assumed they would figure it out eventually, together, like they always did.

"I am guessing you want to go to your place."

Kensi nodded sheepishly. It was true, she desperately wanted to go back to her home. Nothing sounded more wonderful than sleeping in her own bed.

Deeks just nodded and spun the steering wheel abruptly, merging into the next lane and getting off at the exit to her apartment.

* * *

Once she was inside, Kensi immediately dropped her bag to the floor beside her door, running over to her couch. She sunk into it, appreciating the familiar feel of the leather and the warmth of the blankets. _Her _blankets.

Deeks just smiled and did the same, dropping his bag in the entry way and jumping onto the couch.

"No beers?" She asked, inquisitively. It seemed to be a sin not to walk into her apartment immediately and grab them both their beverage-of-choice from the fridge.

Deeks gawked at her, looking down to his watch. "It isn't even nine yet!" He exclaimed with a laugh.

Kensi furrowed her brow, looking up to the clock on the wall. "Oh. Right." She said, looking slightly disappointed. "Water then?"

He hopped up, grabbed two waters and sat back down in a flash.

Kensi grabbed the bottle from his hand, scooting over as close as she could get, tossing a blanket over both of their legs.

As he handed her the drink, Kensi's eyes caught on the ring. _Her _engagement ring. She had minor heart palpitations just looking at it. In the moment Deeks proposed she hadn't really gotten a good look at it, so Kensi took the opportunity to marvel at its beauty.

It consisted of three round diamonds with the largest in the center. It was truly stunning; the diamonds sparkled and reflected the light that shined in through her windows.

"Wow," she said aloud, surprising herself and Deeks. "I didn't really look at it before- it's beautiful!" He grinned, and her smile quickly turned to a frown as she sat up, pushing herself away from him slightly so she could look at him.

"How much did this cost Deeks?" She asked, waving her hand around in the air. Neither of them were made of money, and it seemed like quite a large purchase from someone who hadn't worked in a month.

Deeks just shrugged- he definitely wasn't going to give her a number. "That is nothing you need to worry about Fern." He pulled her into him, and she was stiff as a board.

He rolled his eyes, but she couldn't see. "Seriously Kensi- it's fine." She eventually sunk into him, all the while looking down at her ring. How could she be mad when he had just gotten her _that_?

"Okay, fine." She gave up, reaching for the remote and flipping through the wide array of channels before she finally settled on the news.

Deeks looked down at her, appalled. "Really Kensi. _The News. _Since when do you ever watch the news?"

She just smirked, wrapping her arm around his waist. "Since I stopped living my life with the rest of the world. Now watch- maybe we'll learn something."

* * *

They sat for probably another hour before Kensi finally asked Deeks to run and grab them some breakfast. They had both forgotten about food for awhile- Deeks' impromptu proposal had thrown them both for a loop.

He slipped out the door, promising to return with food, as well as Monty. It was finally time to retrieve the little guy from his friends house- and Deeks couldn't wait to bring him home.

Kensi sat on the couch and flipped the television off as soon as he slipped out the door. She just needed to sit and think in silence.

It was what she did- she overthought things. Overanalyzed. Reheard every single word play back in her head.

Under most circumstances it was a bad thing- but in this case it was wonderful. Magical, really.

She relived every second, every breath, every thought from those five minutes out on the deck. His words ran through her and she took them, listening to every single one over and over again, each seemingly sweeter than the last.

The way his hands shook as he slipped the ring onto her finger. How he had pulled her into a kiss, overcome by emotion.

Her favorite moment was how nonchalant he was before proposing- it was only something Deeks would do; it was his favorite way to cover up any nervousness or anxiety he may have been feeling.

"_Can I ask you something?" _He had asked before proposing- as if she would've rejected him because he didn't get her permission first.

The more she thought about their love for one another, the less sense any of it made.

In actuality they had been together for one month, but in her mind it had been three years. Being partners with Deeks she had learned practically everything about him- everything that you would learn from dating someone for three years.

Their love was irrational, impromptu, bewildering and spur of the moment. It was surreal for her, and senseless by society's standards.

It was_ their_ love though, and that was just how it went. It wasn't thought through, and it wasn't planned.

Kensi knew that love was better that way; when it comes at unexpected times and from unexpected places. She couldn't help the way she fell so hard for him- it was unfathomable.

She was in love with everything about him. Every part of him. Even the things that used to annoy her somehow became the things that made her love him the most.

She fell in love with the way he stumbled out of bed when he first woke up, and how his eyes groaned with exhaustion. The way his hands grabbed her hipbones and his lips stole the endings of her sentences. Every single day with him felt like a month of Sunday mornings with white bed sheets and lazy smiles.

Kensi and Deeks had found their way out of the depths of darkness, and for once she didn't have to do it alone. She would never be able to forget that, not even for a second.

Over the years, they had barely been stuck together with scotch tape and many prayers. But in the end, they had one another, and that was all that mattered.


	16. Little Talks

**Wow- you guys are too much! Please keep the reviews coming- I absolutely love reading them! Also, if you have any ideas for future chapters, just let me know- I am always open to suggestions. =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Deeks returned with breakfast as well as Monty, who wagged his tail happily and ran through the door. The pup jogged straight up to Kensi on the couch, who hadn't moved an inch since Deeks' departure.

"Hey Bud!" She exclaimed as Monty tackled her back to the couch, covering her in slobbery kisses. Though she usually failed to show it, Kensi secretly did quite like Deeks' little mutt.

Deeks sat down next to her and wrapped his hand around Kensi's waist, pulling her close as they snacked on breakfast and sipped their coffees. Monty climbed in between them as he switched the TV back on.

She leaned her head on his shoulder. Suddenly, it just hit her. Everything felt so _domestic. _And that was something that she never thought would come to her. It was so easy for Kensi to get caught up in the moment with him. To let her worries go and cast them into a lake of forgetfulness.

She flashed back to when they were undercover together in that neighborhood, playing husband and wife. Kensi had realized then that she did eventually want a family- someone to come home to at the end of the day. She just never expected it to be so soon.

She had to admit- it did feel so good. A Wednesday morning spent curled up on the couch with her future husband and his dog seemed like the best possible kind of day. It didn't seem real. Any of it.

Knowing that he was going to be there with her and that she wouldn't come home to an empty apartment at the end of the day was a wonderful thought. It filled her up with feelings of contentment and gratification, and she squeezed his waist just a little bit tighter, reaching her other hand down to pet Monty.

As Kensi sat and thought about their lives together, she wondered what it would be like when they went back to work. Most likely it would consist of a lot of cases, a lot of paperwork, and even more Mr. and Mrs. Smith jokes. But through all of it she would have him- and that was all that mattered. They wouldn't have to awkwardly shrug and say no whenever anyone asked them if they were a couple- which occurred fairly regularly.

A question popped into her head unexpectedly, one that had come to her while he was away.

"Hey Deeks?" She asked, in between bites of her breakfast burrito.

"Yeah Babe?" He replied, looking up from the television to meet her gaze.

Dear God. Kensi's heart nearly burst right out of her chest. She loved when he called her babe.

"Just out of curiosity- when did you buy the ring?"

"Oh!" He glanced down at her in his arms, surprised by the question. "I actually bought it right after you had that seizure." He cringed thinking back to that memory of her, when she sat there in the hospital practically looking like a zombie as she stared forward, completely unresponsive to anyone or anything around her.

He cleared the thought from his mind and shrugged. "It was that night, definitely. After you went to sleep."

Kensi sat up, her mismatched brown eyes wide. The look she gave him was a mixture of horror and delight, and Deeks couldn't decide which emotion overpowered the other.

"Deeks!" She screeched. "We had been together for _two days! _Are you insane?!"

He just smirked, and it was almost too much to handle._  
_

"No. I am not insane. And it is insulting to my ego that you would even suggest that," he teased. "It should be offensive to you as well- you don't think that the man you just agreed to marry is a crazy person, do you Ms. Blye?" He winked at her, pausing before he added, "…or should I say future Mrs. Deeks?"

Kensi rolled her eyes in an attempt to cover the rapid increase in the speed of her own heartbeat. He called her _future Mrs. Deeks. _And it sounded so damn good to hear.

"Truly though- what were you thinking Deeks?" She asked, bringing herself back to reality.

He shrugged, feeling a bit hurt by her choice of words. Kensi could tell, so she quickly backtracked. "I am quite glad that you bought it- don't get me wrong. It just seems so…"

"Soon?" He replied, finishing the end of her sentence.

She looked down, fiddling with the ring that had been newly placed on her left finger. "Yeah, I guess."

They sat in slightly awkward silence for a moment, letting the sound of the television waft throughout the room without interruption.

Deeks sighed. "I personally do not believe that it is too soon Kens. We've been dating for three years." He said, grinning his crooked smile so cutely that she couldn't help but smile back.

"I agree." She said, only letting her smile fade slightly.

"What's wrong?" Deeks could read her like the cover of a book. "Are you scared or something?"

"Maybe… a bit." She replied, continuing to look down.

"Why?" he asked, exasperated. Deeks knew _why, _it was a big step for them. For any couple, really. Especially a pair that had been together for less than a football season.

She looked back up at him, her eyes mirroring her suddenly more serious demeanor. "Maybe I'm scared because you mean more to me than any other person. You are everything I think about, everything I need, everything I want."

It was true; she'd just never said aloud to him in the same way that he had. Deeks was a wordsmith; he could make everything sound beautiful, romantic, or majestic. Usually she didn't hold that same power, but it that moment Deeks sure thought that she did.

In what seemed like less than a split second, Deeks' arms wound around her, holding her securely against his chest. He pressed his lips against her forehead, and she felt his breath move the wisps of hair from around her face when he spoke.

"Don't be scared," he said, brushing the hair away from her eyes. "We are meant to be together my dear." Deeks was immediately overcome by the truth of his own words.

"It'll be great," she whispered, mainly to reassure herself. It would- and she knew it. Kensi sunk back into the couch, cuddling up to him and burying her head in his shoulder. It just felt so _right._

"Maybe…" Deeks said, "You'll fall in love with me all over again. When we get married that is."

Kensi giggled. "Hell, I love you enough already. What are you trying to do here Deeks? Ruin me?"

He squeezed her waist, pulling her just a bit closer. "Yes. I definitely want to ruin you."

"Good." She replied, grabbing his hand. "That's what I want too."

* * *

Together, Kensi and Deeks walked back into OSP. It felt like just another day at the office, expect they weren't there to work. Not then, at least.

It was mid-afternoon on that very same day, and after a quick walk with Monty on the beach, Deeks suggested that they stop by OSP to visit the team, who had just wrapped up another case.

They walked passed the bullpen, noticing the empty clump of desks and chairs, and trying to avoid eye contact with the mountain of papers that were stacked up a mile high on both of their desks.

Deeks just shrugged at everyone's absence and pointed up the stairs. He motioned for her to go ahead, and he would follow behind.

She passed through the automatic doors to find the entire team, minus Hetty. Callen, Sam, Nell, and Eric all stood waiting with a giant clump of balloons.

"AHHHHH! Welcome back!" Nell was the first one up to them, wrapping Kensi up in a huge hug, and then moving on to Deeks. "We missed you guys!"

Kensi looked over at Deeks with a mixed look of happiness and shock. "Did you do this?"

Deeks shook his head. "I just got you here- it was all Nell's idea."

Everyone smiled, giving hugs and greetings. They quickly decided to move their little party back downstairs, as they weren't aloud to drink around all the computers. Finally, Kensi could have what she really craved- a beer.

Nell began to question Kensi about everything that happened in the hospital- they hadn't really heard the story from her point of view yet.

She went through and explained almost every detail of that crazy month, leaving out just the impromptu proposal on that last day, which had been that very morning- Kensi still couldn't quite believe it herself.

"I am so glad to be out of there," Kensi said finally, shaking her head.

"_We _are glad to be out of there," Deeks added, winding his arm around her shoulder.

A loud "Awww!" was recited in unison by Nell and Eric. Callen and Sam didn't follow-they weren't quite there yet.

Kensi forgot momentarily that everyone already knew about their _thing, _and she blushed. She silently thanked God for the relatively dimmed lights that would make it hard for them to see. It was scary what Deeks could make her body do, and she hated and loved him for it.

"You've got yourself a good one here." Nell winked and walked around to gently elbow Kensi in the side.

She finally relented- they all knew, so what was the harm in acknowledging it?

"I know." She smiled and pulled her left hand out of her jean pocket to grab Deeks' hand.

Deeks eyed Kensi immediately at her seemingly harmless action, done without thought.

His wide eyes quickly gave away their little secret, as he couldn't help but look down at the engagement ring that had swiftly been exposed for the world to see.

Kensi wasn't planning on telling anyone so soon, but it was a bit late for that now. Everyone's gaze immediately drifted to Kensi's left ring finger, as her diamond rock glistened in the bit of sunlight that streamed in through the windows.

Kensi's heart nearly stopped right then. If they hadn't noticed her blushing before, by then they certainly had. Their mouths dropped, and they continued to gawk wordlessly at the new piece of jewelry that adorned her left hand.

"Oh. My. God." Nell's expression of shock slowly turned into a huge grin as she stared at Kensi. "He didn't. Oh my gosh- did he?"

Her gaze quickly shifted to focus on Deeks, as she began to jump up and down where she stood.

"You proposed?" She asked, her hushed tone switching to a hysterical one as she asked the question again. "Did you?! Did you PROPOSE?!"

Deeks grinned his best crooked smile and shrugged, keeping Kensi's hand tight in his. "I think you already answered that question yourself, Nell."

Nell continued to jump up and down as she clasped her hands to her lips. Eric just looked, well, shocked.

But as Kensi glanced at Sam and Callen, she knew Deeks should've run. Far, far away from that place. He was marrying their baby sister after less than a month of dating- it didn't look too good for him.

A stunned silence filled the air as everyone tried to comprehend what he had said. The air was so thick Kensi could hardly breathe and her legs wobbled slightly, but Deeks continued to hold her up.

After Nell calmed down, the room was entirely silent.

Callen was the one who broke the silence. "Wait, What?"

Sam narrowed his eyes. "You did what? You _proposed?_"

"You heard me," Deeks spat out bitterly. He was defensive of his spur of the moment decision, and though it may have seemed crazy to them, it was completely sane to him.

Nell looked around the room, and quickly saw what needed to be done. She grabbed Kensi's arm, pulling her away from the desk clump.

"Kens! Come with me! Let's talk about the wedding! We need to get a florist, a dress, a cake, a caterer… What do you want your colors to be? I was thinking maybe lavender and brown, or light pink and…"

Her voice faded away as she walked up the stairs with Kensi. Eric remained standing awkwardly adjacent to Deeks, who continued his stare down with both Callen and Sam, his eyes switching back and forth between the two men.

"I need to go check on case stuff, so I'll just go..." Eric said, clumsily walking backwards towards the stairs, reaching them and immediately running up them- far, far away from the impending argument that was brewing between the guys.

Then there were three: Sam, Callen and Deeks. They stood together, their tenseness and apprehension magnified by the silence that filled the room.

Finally, Callen cleared his throat and started. "Kensi is not just a friend. She's family. Like a sister to us."

"To _both_ of us," Sam agreed.

"We only want her to be happy, Deeks. We want whatever is best for her"

Deeks already knew all of that, so he let them know immediately. "I know that. I want the best for her too."

He winced internally for his poor word choice. It was as if he was saying, _yeah duh, that is me. I am what is best for her- you should know that. _

He believed it, but that didn't mean they needed to hear it.

"Look guys," he said after a minute, taking one step towards them. "I only want her to be happy, and I want you both to know that."

Deeks showed them just the tiniest hint of a grin. "I want to marry her, because…. I- I am in love with her."

They both softened at the use of the word love; Deeks had never spoken that way to them about Kensi, or anyone for that matter.

Callen and Sam both glanced at one another, shrugging as if to say that it was alright to go a bit easier on Deeks.

"Okay man," they said finally. Both men gave Deeks half-ass-as-well-as-slightly-awkward hugs, and Sam repeated basically the exact same thing he had said nearly a month earlier at the hospital.

"Do not screw this up Deeks. You are in deep now-understand?"

Deeks shook his head, his smile only faltering for a second. Sam could be quite intimidating when he wanted to be.

"I gotcha." That was really all Deeks could say. He knew that one day, eventually, he would convince them that he really was what was best for Kensi. _Eventually._

* * *

**I Hope someone noticed the Ernest Hemingway reference in the first section. I LOVE his stories! =)**


	17. Normality Returns

**Once again- thank you so much for all the reviews and suggestions. I love it! I also wanted to say that I am planning on extending this story for awhile. I mean, **_**awhile. **_**Let me know your thoughts on the matter below. =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

"That went well," Kensi said sarcastically as both her and Deeks wandered through the front door of her apartment.

Deeks sighed. "Hell- I'm just glad we got it over with." They drifted towards the couch.

It was 10:00- they had gone to grab a quick dinner after their little 'Welcome Back Kensi and Deeks' party at OSP.

Deeks moaned when he remembered the one other person that was still unaware of their little secret. "Kens- now we have to tell Hetty."

The troubled look in his eyes was alarming. She hit him playfully in the arm. "Deeks! You said she would be fine with it!" She narrowed her eyes to slits. "Were you just trying to make me feel better?"

He sat up immediately, pleading his innocence. "No! Of course not!" He shifted in his seat at the mere thought of Hetty being angry with him. "I know that she'll be alright with us dating…. I'm just not so sure about marriage."

Deeks smiled, attempting to cover up his nervousness. "You know what Kens? She'll probably be fine with it."

Kensi certainly wasn't convinced. "Okay- let's just wait to tell her."

He shot her a look. "Why? If she figures it out without us telling her first she might be really mad. And you know she will. She is like a sneaky little ninja. Seriously. There isn't anything that she doesn't already know."

Kensi just shrugged. "I don't know… it was hard enough telling Callen and Sam."

A question suddenly sprang into her mind- Kensi had been too preoccupied with Nell that she didn't even want to begin to deal with Sam and Callen's reaction to the situation.

"How were they after I left? They looked really pissed…"

Deeks shrunk back into his seat as he thought back to their stare down. "Yeah they were… a bit apprehensive. But they warmed up to me a little after we talked."

"What did they say?" Kensi was glad that she hadn't been there to hear it, but she still wanted to know how her family was handling everything.

"They said that you were family to them, and that they wanted what was best for you." He let a grin creep across his face. "I told them that I wanted that too- and that _I am _what is best for you."

Deeks disguised his sheepishness with a smile as Kensi melodramatically buried her head in her hands. "You said _what?" _

"I definitely backtracked a bit- don't worry Blye."

She just laughed and shook her head.

"Sam basically said he'd kill me if I messed this up."

Without missing a beat Kensi added, "And he will."

She buried her face in his chest and yawned. It had been an emotional day, and she just wanted to relax.

Deeks just smiled at her gesture."C'mon Kens. We should go to bed."

"I just want to watch some Top Model, is that too much to ask?!"

"Kensi, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. I just want to sleep."

She just rolled her eyes. "Seriously Deeks. Am I your child now?"

"Only if you act like one." He sighed dramatically. "Well, I guess you choose the hard way."

"What the hell- Deeks!"

He scooped Kensi up into his arms and carried her into the bedroom, giving her a quick peck on the cheek.

"Deeks, set me down!"

He dropped her onto the bed. "There. Now sleep my dear."

He turned around and changed quickly, throwing his clothes back into his awaiting duffle bag. He was going to have to go home eventually.

"Aren't you going to put on some pajamas?" Deeks asked as he turned around.

Kensi was suddenly absolutely exhausted- she couldn't imagine moving from the spot that she had sunk into. "Nooooooo."

Deeks smirked as he threw her some sweatpants and a tank top from her top dresser drawer. You know a person too well when you're able to navigate their bedroom and locate the correct drawer despite having never set foot in the room before.

Kensi lazily stripped down and changed on the bed, throwing her clothes across the room, not bothering to pick them up when she missed the laundry basket by a good five feet.

He hopped into the bed next to her without hesitation. "You don't mind a little sleepover, do ya Blye?"

She lazily shook her head and let a smile creep onto her face. Honestly, she didn't even think that it was a question. They had spent every waking moment together in the hospital, and she had gotten quite used to his company.

"Night, Kens." He smiled and glanced down at her asleep in his arms. It was truly unreal. They were getting _married. _And he hadn't been killed yet by Sam and Callen, so that was a bonus as well.

"Love you," Kensi said sleepily.

Once again- unreal. He pulled her just a little closer to him. "I love you, too."

* * *

Kensi awoke early that next morning, so that she could be ready for what she assumed would be a tough day. The day that reality hit.

Sadly, Kensi had not yet been cleared for field work, so she was on desk duty. Desk duty without her partner. Her partner who was also her fiancé.

Neither of them had any more vacation days saved up, and by the way that Nell had been talking about Kensi's wedding they both needed to go back to work. And they needed to do it _fast._

Kensi quickly realized this was the first _night _they had spent together- outside of the hospital or being undercover, of course.

She quietly snuck out of the room and into her bathroom to take a quick shower.

When she reemerged, Deeks was barely awake, sitting on the edge of her bed yawning profusely.

"Deeks? We have work today- you should get dressed." He shot his head up.

"Oh yeah!" Unlike Kensi, Deeks was excited to get back to work. He didn't have to be tied to a desk.

"I am on desk duty," she said, narrowing her eyes as if to glare at an imaginary Hetty. "Uggggghhhhh!"

Kensi stomped like a two year old and turned around to go back into the bathroom and brush her hair. "This sucks Deeks! Seriously. Paperwork is like the worst thing _ever."_

Deeks could no longer see Kensi, but he could picture her face after every complaint. He just laughed and smiled.

"I'm sorry. But I know that you're just upset because you won't get to spend the day with your ruggedly handsome partner."

Kensi opened the door just a crack to peer around at Deeks, who was already dressed. Apparently he'd kept work clothes in that duffle bag of his.

"No. That's _certainly _not it," she replied sarcastically. "And I wouldn't be too sure," she called after shutting the door back. "Did you see that stack of papers on your desk yesterday?"

Deeks entered the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"Well then I guess I might just have to spend the day with you, huh Fern?" He said, pecking Kensi on the cheek.

"You just might," she replied with a grin. She could only hope.

* * *

Kensi and Deeks walked back into OSP together, trying to keep a respectable distance between them. The fact that they drove in together most likely already gave them away- but by that point it certainly wasn't a secret that they were together. At least not to the team- they still hadn't told Hetty yet.

"Morning," Kensi and Deeks both said groggily as they made there way to their desks on the opposite sides of the room. Sinking into their chairs was a great feeling- until they looked at the paperwork.

Since the team had been picking up the work that both Kensi _and _Deeks had missed, filling out the basic case reports had been saved for them.

Kensi and Deeks both looked up at one another in disbelief.

"Seriously guys?!" They recited in unison.

Kensi blushed and Deeks smiled.

"Awww." Sam said sarcastically. "Look G- They're even starting to sound alike!"

Callen chuckled, and Kensi just smirked. "You really couldn't stand to fill these out yourselves?"

"While you and your boyfriend were on your month long vacation, we had to shoot some bad guys for you. The least you can do is complete some paperwork to repay us."

Sam raised his eyebrows as he spoke, and Callen just responded with a single word. "Yeah!"

Kensi snorted at their insensitivity. "Really guys. I got hit _by a car." _

Sam chuckled. "Yeah- I know. But I don't think that Deeks was in the car with you. He didn't need a month off."

Kensi face reddened once more, and Deeks had to fight off annoyance as he looked over at his partner. He had become quite protective of Kensi, and even though Callen and Sam were just messing with her, it still infuriated him slightly.

"It's called having your partner's back, kay?"

That seemed to shut them up, so they went back to doing paperwork until Eric walked out to the top of the staircase and whistled. Neither Kensi nor Deeks had heard that sound for a while, so it startled them a bit more than usual.

"The team is back together again! And just in time- we have a case!"

They all stood up to go- even Kensi. Deeks shot her a questioning look. "I still want to know what you're all up to. I can work Intel from here."

Deeks nodded and winked, and they all quickly made their way up the stairs.

Hetty was standing in front of the screen with Nell, waiting for them. "Nice of you to join us. Ms. Blye, Mr. Deeks- it is good to have you back."

They both nodded, and looked to the screen as Nell and Eric described the case to them. It was nothing out of the ordinary, just another basic case that shouldn't take long to crack.

Once Eric and Nell finished, Hetty turned her attention back to Deeks. "Mr. Deeks- now that you have returned, I would like you to go undercover and get close to Ms. Sharlousky. If you get can get her to spy on her boss for us, then we should be in business."

The room fell dead silent- you could've heard a pin drop. Eric and Nell both stopped typing, and everyone's eyes- including Deeks'- fell on Kensi.

Her stomach churned and she suddenly felt nauseous. Deeks going _undercover _had been the start of all the awfulness in the first place. She hated watching him smooch on another girl when they _weren't _together, and she had a feeling that it would hit her ten times harder now that they were dating. And engaged. She kept forgetting that.

Her vision narrowed to pinpricks as she willed herself to stay standing. She was angry, upset, embarrassed, and hurt- all at the same time.

How could Hetty do this to her? She then remembered- Hetty didn't know that they had sparked up a romance in their brief absence from NCIS.

Maybe the sudden pale color of Kensi's cheeks gave her away. Hetty shot her a concerned look.

"Ms. Blye- are you alright?"

"I-I-um-don't know..." was all Kensi could mutter as she looked up helplessly at Deeks.

She searched his face desperately in search of an answer, but found nothing more to say. Should she tell her? Should she let him go on the undercover op? Just that simple thought made her stomach churn all over again.

Without warning, Deeks turned his face from Kensi and spoke confidently to Hetty.

"I'm sorry, but don't know if I can do that."

Suddenly the florescent lights were too bright and the loudly colored images on the computer screens were giving Kensi a headache. Immediately she wanted to do nothing more than run the opposite direction, but the feeling of Deeks hand in hers kept her feet planted to the ground.

"I don't think I can do undercover work like _that _anymore," Deeks looked down at Kensi, and then back up to Hetty.

"We are together."

He pulled the hand that he was holding up to the air, showing off Kensi's ring to the room. "Like- _really _together."

Kensi held her breath as everyone's eyes immediately shot over to Hetty, who took a deep breath before speaking.

"So, you all knew?"

It wasn't really a question; just rhetorical. They all agreed, "yes," quietly before Nell quickly chimed in, "They just told us yesterday!"

Hetty merely nodded, taking in all the information as it came to her.

"Mr. Deeks, Ms. Blye- may I have a word?"


	18. Let It Be

**I'm glad that you all want me to continue the story- I believe that I will! Thank you so much for all the support. I know that this chapter is a bit shorter than most, but I didn't have a ton of time to write and I am trying to keep updating daily. Please review as always- I love hearing your thoughts on the chapters. =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

It was hard to tell how much time passed. Kensi and Deeks sat at Hetty's desk, waiting for her to say something- anything, really.

She loved to use the silence against them. To let them sit there and contemplate what she was thinking, as it was impossible to know.

"Tea?" She asked, holding up a freshly brewed pot in her hand.

"No, thank you." Kensi said.

"Yeah, no thanks." Deeks replied, attempting to be as polite as possible. It wasn't a time for jokes or puns, and he knew that well. The last thing Deeks wanted was Hetty to be mad at him. That ship may have already sailed though.

Hetty set down her cup and smiled. "So… I see you received my note Mr. Deeks?"

Deeks just stared at her in shock. Hetty was nothing if not unpredictable, and to say that he expected her to be angry would be to underestimate the matter dramatically. He had sort of thought that she was going to castrate him right there in front of the entire team, upstairs.

Luckily for him she had decided to go easy on him, and he finally let a grin creep across his face as he looked down at his lap. The note was still in his pocket- he carried it with him just about everywhere he went.

"It was all you Hetty- you know it."

Kensi let out a breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding. "So, you are, um-"

"Okay with it? Yes, I am. I will say I am a bit astounded by the ring though- I certainly wasn't expecting that."

Deeks grinned- he loved that he was able to leave Hetty aghast.

"Well… I guess I just know what I want."

Kensi blushed and shot Deeks a look.

"It is quite alright Ms. Blye, your fiancé does have a way with words. Let me ask- how did he pop the question?"

Kensi let out a little giggle. Hetty was acting as if they were best friends chit-chatting after a long day at work. Should they start braiding each other's hair and gabbing about American Idol?

"Well, he, um… took me up onto the deck of the hospital and told me that he worried about losing me, and then asked me if he could ask me a question. I asked him what that would be, and the question was…" She gestured to the ring on her left hand.

"It was pretty perfect." She added quietly. Deeks grabbed her hand, and she blushed once again. It seemed as if he was always making her do that. As if there was some special super power he had that made her highly susceptible to all of his gestures and jokes.

"Well I guess the undercover tasks of _that_ nature will fall to from now on."

Deeks smirked. "I bet he'll love that."

Kensi couldn't help but laugh, and Hetty shot them both a look from across her desk.

They both quieted immediately. "So Mr. Deeks- you get to stay here and fill out paperwork with your partner. Okay?"

"Okay."

Hetty nodded, and both Kensi and Deeks walked swiftly back to their desks before she could stop them again.

Kensi wondered if maybe Hetty had already known about her and Deeks, and that was her little way of outing them.

They knew that Hetty was most likely still close behind, so rather than talking and voicing their feelings of relief, they just shot one another smiles from behind their desks.

Deeks jokingly winked and made a kissy face at Kensi just as Sam and Callen descended from the staircase.

Callen rolled his eyes at Deeks' attempted PDA. "Well- I'm guessing you aren't going undercover this time?"

Deeks smirked. "It's all you."

Sam laughed and patted Callen on the back as they walked over towards Hetty's desk to get their wardrobe's fitted.

"I guess it's just you and me Fern!" Deeks exclaimed once everyone was out of earshot.

Kensi grinned. "Yeah, and a whole hell of a lot of paperwork."

He just smiled and shrugged. "But it's paperwork with my _fiancé._

* * *

Kensi and Deeks sat for the next few hours, completing case report after case report. They had missed _a lot _in that absence, and it all began to hit them at once.

Deeks didn't mind the paperwork too much, as he got to look up and see Kensi across from him, being adorable as she furrowed her brow while studying Callen's bad handwriting.

It was nearing the end of the day, and their stacks of paperwork were slowly depleting. The office was empty- Callen and Sam were out working their case, Nell and Eric were upstairs, and Hetty was… somewhere. Nobody ever knew where she was, really.

Kensi threw a file folder down on her desk and sighed. "Only five more to go, Deeks."

He smiled and stood up, making his way over to her desk.

"Maybe we can head back to your place after this, Fern."

Kensi laughed hard, placing her head down on her desk. "You really suck at pick up lines, you know that right?"

Deeks gave her a confused look. "I only need to be good at pick up lines if I have to _pick-up _a girl. I already have you. Using the good ones would be pointless."

She raised her eyebrows. "Oh really Deeks? And what would those be?"

"Oh I don't know… When did you fall from heaven? Because baby you're an angel. Do you have a BandAid? I just scraped my knee falling for you. Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged! Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?" He observed her momentarily, adding, "Should I continue, Blye?"

Deeks began to chuckle along with Kensi, who had busted over in a fit of laughter.

"That-that last one was the-the best," she let out in between giggles.

Deeks began to tickle her, hoping to perpetuate the laughter as long as possible.

"Oh my gosh! De-Deeks! STOP! Deeks-"

She and Deeks both froze where they were, Kensi half out of her seat and Deeks hovering over her, just as Callen and Sam began to walk back into the bullpen.

They both froze where they stood. They were used to Deeks being the brunt of their jokes, but not Kensi.

Callen smirked. "Really?"

Sam joined in on the fun. "We left for like, three hours dude."

Neither Kensi nor Deeks moved a muscle. Both Callen and Sam laughed, and turned around to jog back up the stairs.

Kensi's cheeks turned a deep shade of crimson. "Well that was embarrassing."

Deeks finally stepped out from behind Kensi's desk, letting go of the edge of her shirt. He hadn't even realized that he'd been clutching it the entire time.

"Oh Fern- it would've been embarrassing if it was Hetty."

Kensi shot him a wide eyed look that could only mean one thing.

"She's behind me, isn't she?" Deeks whispered, half kidding and half not.

"What would be embarrassing, Mr. Deeks?" He spun around, unsure of what to say or do.

Since Deeks had come to her rescue earlier that day, Kensi assumed that she should do the same for him.

"Oh nothing Hetty! Just a little joke! We'll see you tomorrow."

Kensi grabbed her bag and Deeks' arm, promptly leading him out of the room and towards the parking lot to her awaiting car.

Deeks let out a sigh as soon as they were out the door. "Thanks Fern."

She smiled sweetly, winking as she walked in front of him towards her car.

"Don't sweat it."

* * *

Maybe it was all those pickup lines, or maybe it was nothing at all- but that evening, Deeks seemed purely irresistible. The way the light danced across his face as he walked with her towards in the doorway. How he coolly ran his hands through his hair, absentmindedly making her want him desperately. Everything.

They had barely even gotten inside the door as Kensi grabbed Deeks. She kissed him, hard, pressing him up against the door just as it closed.

They flew to one another, crossing some line that dared them- and they took it.

She wanted more. More of him. More of this and them…she wanted to see him there, beside her and know that they were together, always. She wanted to find their own beautiful rhythm. The silence swirled and rose about them, somehow creating a tempting pace she was eager to match. She smiled, and he felt her smile travel all the way to his heart, allaying his worries.

Kensi looked down into his open blue eyes, their noses only a whisper apart. "I love you," Kensi let out, breathlessly. His body immediately relaxed next to hers as he heard her say it.

Eventually Deeks pulled away just enough to reply. "Love you too, Fern."

She jumped up into his arms, still kissing Deeks copiously as he carried her into the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.


	19. Falling Slowly

**Hello! Thank you again, for everything. ****As always, please leave reviews below! =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Kensi yawned loudly and rolled over in bed, reaching her arms out for Deeks. She wiped her sleepy eyes in the early morning light to find that the bed was empty, with only a bit of warmth remaining on the sheets from where Deeks had laid.

She sat up and stretched her arms out above her head. "Deeks?" She called out, but there was just silence. Nothing.

Kensi quickly slipped on her sweats that had been strewn to the side of the bed.

"Deeks?"She asked again, more inquisitive this time. Still, there was no response.

She heard a clink in the kitchen, and swiftly reached over into her nightstand, gently pulling out her loaded SIG.

She tiptoed across the floor, her feet brushing Monty's tail as she slipped past him. Kensi leaned her head against the wall, attempting to look behind the wall and into the kitchen.

She couldn't get a good look though- the bookcase was blocking her view.

"Freeze!" Kensi yelled as she ran into the kitchen, holding her gun out to point directly at the culprit.

"Holy shit!" Deeks yelled, dropping a spatula back into his mixing bowl and putting his hands up. He stood with a smear of pancake batter across his face and all over the front of his shirt. Headphones were in his ears, and the kitchen was a total and complete mess- bowls and miscellaneous dishes scattered everywhere.

Kensi dropped her gun immediately so it was pointed at the ground.

She placed her hand over her heart, breathless. "DEEKS! What are you doing? You could have gotten shot- by me?!"

She couldn't even imagine if she had accidentally let a bullet leave the barrel of her gun to hit him. She was still getting used to having someone with her in her apartment- it didn't seem normal, but obviously she needed to acclimate.

He just stared at her. "Um… sorry. But isn't it kinda obvious what I'm doing?" He asked, gesturing around his to the messy countertops.

"Please don't shoot me for making you pancakes." He added sheepishly.

Geez. He was just too damn cute. Kensi shook her head and placed the gun on the counter, flipping the safety on.

"Yeah- sorry."

They both laughed and Deeks let out a deep breath as Kensi walked around beside him, planting a kiss on his cheek.

She walked back out of the kitchen to sit on one of her bar stools. "So… breakfast?"

He chuckled. "Yeah- I think a few of the pancakes turned out alright."

Deeks plated the ones that weren't burned and sat down next to Kensi. They quietly munched away- it turned out Deeks wasn't too bad of a cook.

"Hey Kens- I have something I need to tell you."

Oh gosh. He had a thoughtful look in his eyes, which threw Kensi off a bit. It wasn't one of the usual cheeky or mischievous gazes that he threw at her from time to time.

He was serious, so she laughed to cover up the growing tension. "What?"

Deeks showed no sign of a smile, or even a hint of brazenness. He dropped his fork down to the plate softly, and looked back up at her with a steadfast gaze.

He took a deep breath before speaking. "I want to buy us a house."

"What?" That was becoming Kensi's response to most of Deeks' questions lately.

He finally broke into a smile and repeated his question. "I want to buy us a house. I mean, we _are_ getting married."

Kensi smiled back and put her hands up in the air, letting a small giggle escape her lips. "Okay!"

Normally that would be a giant step for any couple, but for them it wasn't really- or at least it shouldn't have been.

They had basically lived together in the hospital for a month, and were suddenly getting married. They had rebelliously skipped the _lets-see-if-we-can-stand-to-live-with-one-another _stage, and hopped straight into pre-marital bliss.

"So- since you are okay with it…"

Kensi rolled her eyes. What else could he possibly have to tell her?

"What? We can start looking soon, if that's what you're wondering about."

He bit his lip, waiting for her to lunge across the table at him out of anger. "I already bought us a house."

She was shocked at his tenacity, but then again it was a very _Deeks _thing to do.

"What?! When?!"

He shrugged shyly.

"When you were in the hospital, I-" Kensi's eyes became wide as she repeated his words.

"When I was in _the hospital_?"

He put his hand up, asking to finish speaking. She allowed it, though she was still so confused.

"I haven't bought it, exactly. Well- kind of. I put an offer in on a house. I am still waiting for the real estate agent to get back to me."

She just shook her head. Deeks took in a deep breath as he studied Kensi's face, waiting for her to yell and shout and say that she should've been involved, and that she was angry with him.

Those screams never came though. She just took in a deep breath and opened on her eyes wide. "So... you bought a house- for me?"

He was stunned by her response and just nodded.

"But Deeks- you didn't even know what I was going to say when you proposed!"

He smiled and shook his head. "But that's where you are wrong my dear. I _did _know what you were going to say."

A few tears came into her eyes. "Well... thank you."

Deeks was so relieved that she wasn't mad- he hadn't expected it. At all. "You're very welcome."

There was a moment of silence, and then laughter. They couldn't help but mock their situation- it was so abnormal_. _

Deeks had gone out and bought them a house. A house! Every single day with him just seemed to keep getting better and better.

Everyone knew their little secret. They didn't have to hide anymore, from anyone. They could say their feelings aloud to one another, and it certainly wasn't their usual way of living.

Kensi and Deeks were telling each other how they felt, without lying or hiding behind a wall of cynicism, jibes, and a never-ending stream of touché references.

They went back to finishing their pancakes, and Deeks promised that he would take her soon enough to go and look at the house, which hopefully would be theirs soon.

Kensi was just finishing up her pancakes as she caught a glimpse of the clock out of the corner of her eye.

"Deeks!" She exclaimed, wiping some loose crumbs from the corner of her mouth. "We need to get to work!"

Her internal clock was quite off, most likely as a result of her month without any work or any places to be at a set time.

"Oh crap!" He jumped up and ran into Kensi's bedroom alongside her.

Kensi ran into the bathroom to take a quick shower, while Deeks rooted around his duffle bag looking for something to wear.

"Hey Kens- is it bad to wear the exact same thing two days in a row? Because I think that's where we are at now."

Deeks laughed, partially out of anxiety and partially because he thought it would be really funny to walk into work and have everyone do a double take.

His only two options were the clothes he had worn to work the day before or sweats- Deeks hadn't dressed up much for his hospital dates with kensi.

Kensi hollered back at him through the door. "It'll be fine- I'm sure nobody will even notice!"

* * *

That didn't exactly turn out to be true. Kensi and Deeks walked back into the office, hand in hand. Kensi quickly jerked hers away as they entered their desk clump though- office PDA was a big no-no.

They still needed to remain professional; otherwise it was very likely that they wouldn't remain partners for too much longer. Kensi had a feeling that PDA would be the one area where Hetty would put her foot down. She cringed at the thought of Hetty walking in on them acting like, well, a couple. She had already come dangerously close the day before.

"Hey Deeks… nice shirt." Callen said with a smile.

"And pants," Sam added.

"Shut it." Deeks warned jokingly, putting his pointer finger out to scold them.

That day at work didn't seem nearly as long as the last. Kensi and Deeks finished up their remaining case reports within the first few hours of the day, and then made their way upstairs to help Nell and Eric with the case.

They both quickly realized that working from the office and avoiding field work can be boring on one hand, but also quite relaxing on the other. No bullets were flying, and they were safe and sound behind the protection of computer and television screens.

Kensi certainly missed the thrill of it all, but Deeks was surprisingly content with staying at the office.

He enjoyed not having to always be frightened that Kensi was going to get herself put in harms way, which happened quite often.

Kensi relished in that part of it all as well; she didn't have to see Deeks dodging bullets out of the corner of her eye. In the past, she had come quite close to nearly knocking Deeks over in relief when she thought he had been injured, but turned out to be fine.

It was the nature of their jobs though, so they just had to deal with it. They had to learn that it was normal to nearly be killed on a daily basis. To have someone try to kill them because they had a vendetta against them for doing their jobs. It just came along with the territory.

Deeks and Kensi sat upstairs with Nell and Eric, watching Callen and Sam complete a raid. It was fascinating, in a way, to watch what goes on behind the scenes for the work that they did so robotically. Rarely did they think about how they were able to do their work so effortlessly. Well, as effortlessly as it could be, really.

"Raid is complete," Sam let out breathlessly through his earpiece.

"Another job well done guys." Eric said with a smile.

Deeks grabbed Kensi's side, pulling her close to his side when nobody was looking.

"You ready to get back out there Fern?" He whispered through the chaos.

She grinned and looked to her left at him. "Yeah, I think I am."


	20. Gunpowder and Sunshine

**So- I have decided that I am going to continue this story for a couple more chapters, and then I will write an epilogue. I want to wrap it up nicely, and I promise not to leave you hanging! I just didn't see how I could continue it for **_**too **_**much longer, but now I know exactly what I am going to write. =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

The next week flew by in a flash. Kensi was finally cleared for field work, and they got a new case after wrapping up their last one nicely. Luckily for Deeks' sanity the case required some lip reading from Kensi, so she was still stuck at the office for awhile.

At the end of the week, Deeks was finally able to find time to show Kensi their new house- their offer was accepted before Kensi even got a chance to look inside.

Pulling up, the home truly took her breath away. It was a navy blue two story colonial with wooden shutters and a white picket fence. Basically it was exactly what Kensi thought she would never want, but for some strange reason, she suddenly wanted it desperately. She wanted some form of a domestic life- but their own version.

She could see it so well- a stay-at-home mom by night, crime fighting special agent by day. Kensi wondered what her cover story would be in that neighborhood. Would she be a chef? No, probably not, as someone might eventually ask her to cook something for them. That would not go well.

She would find something though; something that was different and fun and exciting. A job was set apart from all the rest- which sadly already was her job. It was just the job that nobody could know about.

"Wow- Deeks this place is beautiful." Kensi said, stepping out of the passenger seat while still keeping her eyes glued on their new home. Every element of it just seemed exquisite.

Deeks made his way in front of Kensi to push open the gate for her. She looked down to the ground as she made her way up the front steps, taking in every single detail of the pristine pavement. Even the noise her flats made walking up the front steps seemed, well, purely perfect.

Deeks made his way up behind her, handing her the key.

"You ready?"

She just nodded, a smile still apparent through her bitten bottom lip. Kensi turned the doorknob, slowly opening the door and peering her head around the corner.

She took one step inside and was in awe once more. The original architectural lines and details blended seamlessly with the more modern luxurious finishes. Kensi watched as the sunlight streamed in through the family room windows, magnifying each particle of dust that wafted through the air.

"Deeks it's…"

"Pretty perfect, right?" He said with a cheeky grin, cutting her off. Deeks stepped up right behind her, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"You did good, Marty." She replied, reaching her hand around to pat his.

Deeks looked flabbergasted. "_Marty? _Since when do you ever call me by my first name?"

Kensi just giggled and shrugged. She felt strange calling her fiancé by his last name, which was soon to be hers. It seemed weirder to call him Marty though, so she just assumed she'd leave it at Deeks.

"I don't know Deeks? Maybe because we are getting married and aren't exactly on a _first name basis_ yet?" She teased, elbowing him lightly.

He nodded his head to the side. "Touché."

Kensi walked further into the house, which was empty of all furniture. She made her way into the kitchen, which consisted of white-antiqued cabinets, white and gray marbled countertops, and stainless steel appliances, which gave the room a more modern feel.

She spun around for a quick moment, taking in her surroundings. She looked back down at Deeks who stood watching her sincerely, his hands in his pockets. He loved nothing more than the fact that _she _loved it.

"Seriously Deeks. You did _really _good."

"Um- was that ever a question?"

She rolled her eyes and walked towards him, letting Deeks wrap on arm tightly around her waist.

"Welcome home, Kens."

* * *

"So- you need to choose your color scheme. Seriously girl. I need to know. I am the maid of honor, after all."

Kensi sat with Nell on the couch in her apartment. It was a Saturday afternoon, and Deeks had hopped outside for a quick moment to take Monty on a walk, leaving Kensi alone with their impromptu wedding planner.

"I don't know Nell." She replied, sighing while glancing down at color swatches. "Whatever you think Deeks will like."

Nell rolled her eyes dramatically. "Ugh! You lovebirds are nauseating. He said the same damn thing to me about you."

Nell was too concentrated on flipping through her bridal magazines that she missed Kensi smile and blush.

"Okay Kensi- maybe if I narrow it down to three options you will choose."

She nodded- if it would make Nell happy, she'd do it.

In no time Nell whipped out three sets of swatches. "I present to you, your choices." She spoke theatrically, pulling the color sets out one by one.

"Number one: coral and green."

Kensi made a face of disgust and Nell quickly moved on.

"Alright then. Hot pink and purple?"

"Are you _insane?" _

"Oh my GOSH! Fine… mint and pearl?"

A lightbulb seemed to go off in Kensi's head. "Um- yeah! I love that! it seems very... fitting, I guess."

Nell's face lit up and she beamed back at Kensi. Deeks interrupted their moment though, as he came back inside with Monty, shaking off his raincoat and hanging it on the back of one of Kensi's chairs.

"Hey," he said, shooting Kensi a crooked smile. He adored seeing her plan their wedding- Nell had finally coerced her into it. It wasn't that Kensi didn't want to get married, because she did, more than anything. She just didn't need to plan it.

Kensi wanted to marry him, and that was all. She didn't need the overpriced bouquet or the expensive venue. It all seemed like… too much. But, nevertheless Kensi knew that Deeks and Nell both wanted her to have a fairytale wedding, so she eventually conceded. Their life was full of too much heartache and trouble as it was; Deeks wanted their wedding to be separate from all that. Different.

He leaned down to let Monty off of his leash, shaking out his own shaggy hair as he shut the door.

"It's like a freaking downpour out there." He said, walking over to Kensi and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before making his way into the kitchen.

"I grabbed some food at that food truck up the street- either of you hungry? Kens? Nell?"

"Oooooh yes please!" Nell replied eagerly, dropping her magazines to the couch cushion next to her. Kensi quietly stood up to follow.

"So, your bride-to-be finally picked out her wedding colors. _Your _wedding colors." Nell said, reaching into the brown paper bag to grab some tacos.

Deeks raised his eyebrows, turning his attention to Kensi.

"Intriguing! Now you must tell me- what did you choose? Am I going to be wearing a camo suit? Or maybe a red and black color scheme, you know keeping with the whole crime-fighting theme?"

Kensi opened her mouth to speak, but Nell didn't notice.

"Oh GOSH no!" She ran back over to the table, picking up the color swatches.

"Mint and Pearl. It's soft, elegant and oh-so romantic."

Nell set them back down, ravenously diving into her tacos, completely oblivious and unaware to the eye conversation that was brewing between Deeks and Kensi.

He nodded to her with a smile, as if to tell her good job. Deeks knew that Kensi loved Nell, but sometimes she could be a bit difficult to deal with. The mixture of OCD and ADD made her hyper, eccentric, and quite a perfectionist.

Deeks was glad that they had finally gotten somewhere in the wedding plans, as they had already set a date: July 16th. At the rate they were going though, it looked as if they were going to be planning up until just before the wedding.

"So!" Nell exclaimed, interrupting their silent chat, "where the hell are you actually getting married? We have two months, and I have four deposits down on different venues."

Kensi looked shocked. "What? You never told me that?"

"I wanted to make sure that you got exactly what you wanted! Each one is different- and I am certain that you will like at least one of them."

* * *

So far, Nell's theory hadn't quite yet proven to be true. They were at the third venue, which was a farm about an hour outside of Los Angeles. The first two locations were both indoors, and Kensi was not having any of it. They felt stuffy and enclosed, rather than open and bright like she had pictured it.

"This could be perfect Kens," Deeks said flippantly, stepping out of the car. "As you well know, I am the animal whisperer."

Kensi rolled her eyes and let out one single loud laugh. "I don't know about that," She caught Nell's eyes in her peripheral vision, and swiftly backtracked. "But I'll give it a shot! Let's go!"

They strolled around for probably an hour, and it just didn't feel quite right. Kensi couldn't put her finger on it, but there was just something about the farm that was so not like _them. _Most likely, it was the fact that the wedding would involve animals. And fly spray.

Kensi, Deeks and Nell made their way out to the car. Nell looked rather defeated, but not entirely.

"I have one last place, okay? Just bear with me here."

Kensi and Deeks both felt bad that they were dragging Nell all around town, but they wanted to find the right place, and neither of them had seen it yet.

Nell drove about an hour back towards Los Angeles, then continued driving, passing exit after exit on the freeway.

"I hope this isn't some kind of Santa Barbara thing? My paycheck isn't that steep." Deeks asked nervously.

Nell just shook her head and laughed. "Don't worry. I think you will quite like this one."

She parked her car in the first space she could find and hopped out, leaving Kensi and Deeks trailing behind her.

They were at Ventura Beach, halfway between the chaos of Los Angeles and the expensive venues in Santa Barbara.

Apparently Nell had rented out the beach to show them it, as there were no sunbathing bodies in sight.

Kensi and Deeks walked hand in hand towards the beach, taking in the sunset, which was barely visible any longer as the sun was just peaking out over the horizon. Seagulls fluttered around the skies- they felt as if they were walking inside of a postcard.

"I don't know about you Kens- but this is pretty awesome."

They stopped to look at one another, and Kensi watched his bright blue eyes light up, matching the color of the sea. She quickly recalled what Deeks had told her in the hospital- about gunpowder and sunshine. How sunshine was whatever you wanted it to be, and that for him it was gunpowder, fish tacos, and... salty water.

"Yeah. This is it." She said, looking back towards the water. "This definitely is it."


	21. Never Leaving

**Hey Everyone! So, I am going to propose a proposition to you all. Since you have been such amazingly loyal readers, I wanted to give you a bit of a reward as I plan to wrap up this story. I want you guys to tell me what you want to read. I (of course) will have a wedding chapter, but if there is anything else that you think would be fun incorporated into the story, I would love to write it. **

**So please- either shoot me a PM or leave a review below with your suggestion. I will give you credit in my authors note if I use your idea! Thank you. =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Three weeks later, Kensi and Deeks walked down Sunset Boulevard after work. It was a beautiful Friday night, and they were both in desperate need of a good meal and some drinks with their friends. It seemed like the best possible way to help them cope with the stress of wedding planning, as well as moving.

Almost everything had been unpacked into their new home, and it had been a struggle to force either one of them let go of their prized possessions. Kensi was the main source of any animosity between the two, as she tended to be a packrat.

Though she loved Deeks' furniture and taste in décor, as it was much better than hers, she was prideful. She had been teased enough over the years by Deeks that Kensi certainly wasn't letting him throw out all of her stuff without a fight.

He had gone through everything alongside her, holding up each item with an inquisitive look, until she eventually caved, letting him throw away what he pleased. Any furniture from Kensi's apartment was most likely from Ikea. Actually, it _was_ all from Ikea.

Kensi brought herself back to reality. Back to who she was walking with. Deeks' hand held hers firmly; his grip untiring. She looked up to him on her right, and was still in awe of how ruggedly handsome he really was.

Deeks' blond locks seemed to glow in the fading light, the dwindling sun showing off the natural flaxen shade of his hair even more than usual. The vibrant baby blue hue of his eyes radiated through the evening skies, making the flashing street lights seem just that much brighter.

To sum it up, Deeks just looked happy- and he was. Happier than he had ever been. Happy to be with his partner, his best friend, his fiancé. Happy that soon enough their lives were going to be joined together, permanently.

As Kensi watched him walk beside her, she realized how much their lives had changed in three short years. She met him and everything just spiraled out of control. In a good way though; a perfect way.

Love is such a strange emotion, and rarely do we see the nitty-gritty bits and pieces of how it functions. In their case though, you can see it. How their love changed and evolved. It certainly wasn't love at first sight, no sir.

Somehow though, Kensi's feelings had changed so much over the years. It seemed unreal, how they could turn from tolerance, to interest, to infatuation, to lust, and then eventually to love.

And then suddenly- they were engaged, walking hand in hand down on their way to dinner with their coworkers.

She would fall part without him; he held her together. He held _them _together. They supplemented one another perfectly- Deeks with his lighthearted and joking nature, and Kensi's more serious outlook on life.

Kensi had never known for certain whether or not she believed in opposites attracting, but she had learned without a doubt that Deeks was perfect for her.

She glanced down to the ground momentarily, and was surprised by what she saw as she had almost forgotten about the high heels that adorned her manicured feet. The shoes were nothing crazy, just about four inches, but it was still completely unlike her to dress up for a simple evening out.

Spending that month in the hospital had made her miss the simple things though; like a random excuse to dress up and go out with her closest friends.

Kensi was following Deeks' lead, and after walking for around ten minutes, he finally pulled her into a quaint little Mexican resteraunt.

"Hey Everyone!" Kensi exclaimed as she saw Nell, Eric, Sam, and G all crowded around a booth in the back. Apparently Kensi and Deeks were running a tad bit late to the party.

"Hey!" Was recited in unison back to them. Even Sam and Callen had small smiles on their faces, as they had eventually grown to tolerate, and maybe even appreciate Kensi and Deeks' relationship. They saw how good they were together, and welcomed it. Sort of.

There defiantly was a slight shift in the balance of their team once it was known that Kensi and Deeks were together. It made certain scenarios fairly uncomfortable, but other situations had been far, far worse in the past when the partners _weren't _dating. Or engaged. Kensi kept forgetting that part.

Kensi and Deeks slipped in beside Nell and Eric, who were sitting mysteriously close to one another. Kensi knew she would need to interrogate Nell about that later.

"So- drinks?" Nell asked, picking up the cocktail menu and waving it in the air.

"Yes." Kensi said, leaning forward to snatch the menu from Nell's hand.

Deeks grinned a crooked smile at her impulsive action. "Eeeeeessy there tiger. We have all evening."

She stuck her tounge out at him playfully and began flipping through her long list of drink options, looking to see what struck her fancy.

Sam turned his attention to Deeks. "So- what is going on with you two?" He asked, gesturing between them.

Deeks just furrowed his brow. "Well... we are engaged so, that's a, um, thing."

Sam rolled his eyes as if to say _that's not what I meant idiot. _"No- with the wedding and everything. Nell hasn't told us anything yet, and she said she wouldn't until you two were here."

Deeks just shrugged and ran his hand through his shaggy blond hair. Neither him nor Kensi had talked at all about anything but work with the team. He thought that if they brought that conversation into their work relationship, things could get weird. But then again, they were their best friends and surrogate family, so they needed to know.

Kensi finally set down her menu and looked up to Deeks, permitting him to speak on her behalf. She was just too damn tired.

"Well- we have just about everything planned."

Nell shot him a glaring look, so he quickly backtracked.

"I mean _Nell _has just about everything planned. And we have set a date too- July 16th." Nobody was too surprised by the news, so Deeks continued without interruption.

"Let's just hope we won't have to work. It _is_ a Saturday after all."

"I seriously doubt it- there is no way Hetty would allow that." Callen added.

They all just nodded and a waitress came over swiftly to take their orders. Kensi had finally just settled on a beer- she wasn't really in the mood for a fancy cocktail.

Once their server left, Kensi turned to face Deeks as the rest of the table seemed content in their conversations with one another.

"We need to get the last of your stuff over to the new house soon- the realtor is coming by to put up signs and stuff before we put your place on the market."

Deeks nodded with a smile, and they both looked back towards their friends that were crowded tightly around the table.

They all wore the same blank stare.

"Wait, what?"

"You bought a house? You never said that!"

Nell looked genuinely elated. "Ooooh! What color is it? Where is it? I wanna see it!"

Kensi and Deeks glanced at one another, amused as usual by Nell's exuberant personality.

"It is a navy blue traditional house with a white picket fence. It's probably around five minutes from the beach." Kensi shook her head, almost not believing the words that were coming out of her own mouth. "It's amazing. Really. Deeks did a really great job picking it out."

All of their coworkers seemed pretty confused.

"It was a surprise," Deeks said quickly, as if the answer should have been obvious.

Sam and Callen both laughed and shook their heads.

"You're getting pretty ballsy dude."

Deeks smiled and took it as a compliment. "I know."

"So Kensi- do you have a dress yet?" Eric asked inquisitively. Kensi assumed that he was presenting the question on Nell's behalf, as she didn't want to bother her about it- Kensi had enough on her plate as it was.

"Um…" Kensi was unsure of what to say, as she hadn't even begun to think about it. Everything was done- except that. Choosing a dress. It was probably the biggest piece of the complex puzzle that was their wedding, and she felt so much pressure to pick the right one.

"Well Kensi," Nell started, gesturing her hands out in front of her, "I am going to take you dress shopping next weekend. Deeks can move the last of his stuff into your house, and I will take you away for the day!"

"Okay," Kensi agreed easily. Nell was doing enough for her that there was no way she would put up a fight.

At everyone's request, Kensi and Nell delved into all the details of their wedding planning. Well, mainly Nell delved into it. Kensi listened intently to the conversation, as she didn't know half the stuff that Nell was saying. In the past she had sort of let it go in one ear and out the other.

As Nell spoke, Kensi let her head unknowingly drift to Deeks' shoulder, her eyes gritty with fatigue.

"...and the wedding is on the beach. It should be great." Kensi shot her head up as Nell finished and Sam, Callen and Eric all turned to face her.

"Yup." She said, nodding as if she had actually understood anything that Nell had just said.

Everyone erupted in laughter at Kensi's halfhearted response.

Sam flagged down a waitress. "How about another round?"

* * *

It was nearly 11:00 by the time they all said their goodbyes, each turning separate directions out of the restaurant.

By that point, Kensi was almost completely drunk. Deeks was the designated driver for the evening, so he had only drank a single beer, allowing Kensi to do as she pleased.

After her accident, Deeks could never imagine driving drunk. It was just something that he would never do. He would never run even the slightest risk of putting someone else's life in peril for such a careless reason.

Deeks wrapped his arm tightly around Kensi's waist and led her to the car, climbing into the drivers seat.

Kensi became quite giggly when she was drunk, and it undoubtedly was apparent that night. She shut her door and hopped in.

"That was fun," she said, her heavy-lidded eyes fluttering open and closed.

"It was indeed, Fern." Deeks stared into her brown eyes, wide under the thick fringe of dark lashes, and yearned for sleep. "Let's go home."

She drunkenly furrowed her brow and turned her head slightly to Deeks, who had just narrowly escaped his parking space without clipping any cars. "Home isn't ready yet. We can go to my place though."

Her words were slurred, but Deeks could still understand. He grinned widely- somehow drunk Kensi still knew that her apartment was only a temporary home. "You're right Fern. My bad. Let's go to your apartment then. We can go _home _soon enough."

* * *

**As always, please leave me reviews down below with your thoughts on this chapter as well! =)**


	22. Challenged

**Hello Everyone! So in a review from yesterday, a guest wrote something that sparked the idea for this chapter. I hope you enjoy- please leave me your thoughts below as always! =)  
-Hazel**

* * *

"Morning." Kensi and Deeks both said groggily to nobody in particular as they wandered to their desks on opposite sides of the room.

They were exhausted, as it turned out that buying and outfitting a new house took a lot of effort- as well as a lot of money. The house was almost finished, but sadly they'd had to spend the last three days inhaling paint fumes. All of the bedrooms had an ugly forest green finish that neither of them wanted to look at, let alone live in.

They had stayed up late the night before putting the final coat on the walls, since painting with Deeks took much longer than one might think.

Thank goodness that the floors were covered with tarps and that Kensi had been wearing an old tee shirt, because Deeks took way too much pleasure in flicking bits of paint at her as she concentrated. This ended with them both rolling on the floor laughing, their faces and clothes splattered with dried drops of paint.

Kensi forced the fond memories to leave her mind, as she tried to focus on work. "Hel-lo?" She spoke to the room, her single word cut in two by a loud yawn.

There was no response, and it took both Kensi and Deeks a moment to realize that they were alone. Neither Sam nor Callen were at their desks, and they shot confused looks at one another.

"Eh-hem." Eric cleared his throat at the top of the stairs.

"We've got a case." He spoke formally, which was very out of character. No shrill whistle or anything.

They made their way up the stairs and around the corner into ops, being sure to keep a respectable distance between themselves.

Kensi and Deeks straightened up immediately when they saw Assistant Director Granger standing alongside Hetty. The entire vibe of the room felt awkward and just… strange.

Hetty had told Granger that Kensi and Deeks were together, so that shouldn't have been the problem. They would've preferred to keep it hidden from him, but since they were getting married, there really was no choice other than to let him in on their little secret, which practically the whole world knew about.

Hetty had never mentioned anything negative that came from that conversation, so Kensi and Deeks both assumed that everything was fine, and that he was alright with it.

They still felt uneasy seeing Granger there though, as his visits weren't usually for leisure.

Callen and Sam stood in front of the table monitor in the center of room. Callen was propped up against it, his arms crossed. He glanced over to Deeks, his eyes wide as if to warn him that something was about to go down. Deeks furrowed his brow and looked back across the room to Hetty.

She stood tall, her hands clasped together behind her back. Her lips were pursed, and she looked, well, _angry. _That was rare from Hetty, and it was unnerving, to say the least.

"Ms. Blye, Mr. Deeks." She acknowledged them, nodding her head in their direction.

Nell and Eric went through all the information that they had so far about their target, who was an international arms dealer. NCIS had come so close to catching him in the past, and he was hiding right under their noses.

After Nell and Eric stopped speaking, there was a momentary silence that blew through the room.

Everyone's attention turned to Kensi and Deeks. They glanced at one another for a split second, before Kensi spoke. Everyone was acting so strange, and it was beginning to piss her off.

"Is- um, something wrong?"

Hetty continued to frown, before relaxing her stance slightly and shifting where she stood.

"This case requires some-" she stopped midsentence, sending a glaring look towards Granger, who didn't flinch. "-undercover work."

Deeks could tell by the tone in her voice exactly what her words meant, and he practically felt his blood pressure spike.

Unsure of what else to do, he took one step across the room towards her, pleading his case. "Hetty- we've talked about this. Can't Callen-"

She put her hand up and closed her eyes, stopping him mid-step.

"Not you Mr. Deeks." Hetty cleared her throat, turning her attention to Kensi. "Ms. Blye will be the one going undercover."

Deeks' eyes widened, and he clenched his jaw, turning around to face his fiancé.

Her heart nearly jumped out of her chest, and though she tried to internalize it, a small gasp escaped her lips. They were getting married _in a week. _That kind of working undercover really couldn't have come at a worse time.

Hetty shook her head, practically reading Kensi's mind as she always did.

"I know, I know. But this case has been assigned to Mr. Callen's team, and since you are the only female agent, naturally you have been chosen for the task."

Kensi just stared forward, clenching her fists until her knuckles turned white.

Granger piped up for the first time- he hadn't said as much as a word so far.

"Can you still do your job, Ms. Blye? Or do I need to find an agent who can handle the tasks that I assign."

Deeks swallowed hard, and it took everything in him not to lunge across the room at Granger.

Kensi quickly chimed in before Deeks did had a chance to do something he would regret. "No Sir."

He just smiled coldly, and began making his way out the door. "Good."

Kensi blinked back tears as the entire team stared at her, including Deeks, whose eyes were laced with panic and anger.

What the hell was she supposed to say? Kensi didn't move. She just rolled her neck, angry and desperately wanting to break something.

For lack of a better term, Granger was a jerk- and that was putting it nicely. He just was. Always had been, and always would be. Kensi could tell that this was all a test to him. It was Granger's way of seeing whether or not Kensi could continue doing her job professionally, even when her partner was also her fiancé.

With flushed cheeks and shallow breaths, Kensi cleared her throat. "I'll be right back." She stomped through the hall, down the stairs, past Granger, and straight outside into the parking lot.

She needed to take a breather, or Kensi was probably going to wind up shooting somebody. Most likely Granger, which wouldn't bode well for her upcoming performance review.

She ran her hand through her wavy hair, stomping the ground once, then twice for good measure. "Ughhh!"

Kensi couldn't think of any possible way to get out of the horrible situation that Deeks and her were suddenly stuck in, so she just sunk down to the ground against the wall.

* * *

Deeks was still up in ops, unsure of what to say or do following Kensi's little standoff with Granger.

Trying to relieve the tense situation, Eric quietly let out, "Yikes."

His face was stuck in a playful grimace, which quickly faded away as every person in the room shot him a glare.

"Sorry, I'm just gonna-" Eric pointed behind him to a computer and spun around, sinking into a seat and beginning to type.

Deeks shook his head and shoved his hands in his pockets with force. "I'll be right back."

He walked out the door and down the stairs, looking around for Kensi. All he saw were random field agents, clothing racks, and Granger, sitting behind Hetty's desk. Instead of stopping to yell at Granger like he wanted too, Deeks put one foot in front of the other and made his way outside, to where he knew Kensi would be waiting.

She heard the door slowly creak open, and saw two boots appear in her first line of sight. She looked up: it was Deeks.

"Hey." He smiled through his frustration, but she knew he was feeling the exact same way as her; though probably worse.

He sunk down next to her on the ground, sucking in a deep breath.

"Well… this sucks." Deeks had a knack for stating what was already glaringly obvious.

Kensi just put her head in her hands, unsure or unwilling to explain how upset she was. "He's just such an…"

"Ass?"

She turned her head towards him, smiling halfheartedly. "Yeah. Pretty much."

He contemplated what to say for a moment, then smiled as the perfect words came to him.

"A tiger doesn't lose sleep over the opinion of the sheep, my dear." He paused, leaning over just enough to kiss the top of her head. "So neither should you."

Kensi giggled and grinned, though he couldn't see it. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

She sighed and spoke slowly, choosing her words carefully. "I just don't want to do this part of our job anymore, Deeks. It's so…" She trailed off, once again allowing him to finish her sentence.

"Weird and awkward for everyone involved?"

Kensi just nodded, certain that if she attempted to speak her voice would crack.

Deeks wrapped one arm around her shoulders. Kensi turned to face him and batted her eyes so miserably that his heart clenched up tightly. Tight enough that he could feel it, like a sharp pain deep in his chest.

"I am gonna talk to Granger." He said, and Kensi could feel him stiffen beside her.

She rolled her eyes- what the hell was he thinking? She knew that he was just being protective of her, but there was a fine line between being protective and being idiotic.

"You know you can't do that Deeks. We'll both get fired. Or given more _undercover _assignments."

Though he hated to admit it, Deeks knew she was right. "Okay, fine."

He paused, thinking. "There really is no way to get out of this, is there?"

"Aside from losing our jobs… no."

Deeks could already feel the jealousy setting in, and nothing had even happened yet. They were just sitting outside on the hard cement, waiting for the wall of perfection that they'd built up around themselves to come crashing down.

Somewhere deep down they had both known that eventually, something like this was bound to happen. At one point or another they would have to go undercover again- the type of undercover that neither of them liked. The type that was awkward and uncomfortable and was a sore subject for the both of them.

The repercussions of working _undercover_ had almost shattered their relationship altogether, while at the same time bringing them closer than they had ever been.

Kensi had realized how deep her feelings were towards Deeks when he was undercover and she had to bear witness to it all. But now that they had both spoken their feelings to one another, she was sure that Deeks would feel the same as she had, except ten times worse.

Having to watch your fiancé come onto someone that wasn't you, even though it was pretend, certainly seemed to be the worst thing that could happen happen a week before your wedding day.

"Don't come, okay?" Kensi asked, interrupting his never-ending train of negative thoughts.

"What?"

She bit her bottom lip, obviously searching for words. He saw her struggling and waited a moment for her to speak.

"Deeks- if you come it will just make everything harder. I don't want you to have to deal with what I did when you went undercover. Just stay at OSP with Nell and Eric."

"Fine," he agreed easily, with a clenched jaw. Deeks couldn't decide which would be worse- watching her undercover, or having to stay back while knowing what was going on.

"I love you." She said, resting her head on his awaiting shoulder, where it fit perfectly in the crevice between his neck and head.

He felt one or two tears come into his eyes, clouding his vision. He blinked them away though, and gently rested his head on top of hers. "I love you too."

Deeks eventually pulled himself away from her and stood up, extending his hand out to grab hers.

"Now let's go get this over with."


	23. Defiance

**Hello everyone! So I wanted to put this chapter up as soon as possible, because I don't think that I will be able to write this weekend. I am going to a horse show (wish me luck!) but I am sure that I will be able to update again by Monday at the latest. As always, please leave me your thoughts on the chapter below! =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Deeks finally understood how Kensi had felt all those years when he had gone undercover. The feeling was indescribable in a single word. It was revolting, gut wrenching, painstaking and traitorous, all at the same damn time.

He was sitting up in ops with Sam and Callen, watching the monitor and waiting for Kensi's earpiece to be switched back on. Deeks had spent the past two days without his partner, as she was undercover trying to make the arms dealer, informally known as Paul, trust her.

It was harder than one might think though, as he was a very secretive man who didn't trust _anyone_- especially someone who showed up out of the blue. Kensi had met him in a club, and with her good looks and charm had managed to retain a bit of his trust.

Deeks tapped his foot, allowing that single sound to be heard by everyone in the room, voicing his annoyance.

Callen turned his neck around slowly to face Deeks, trying to be patient.

"Just sit and watch Deeks. Kensi should be back on soon."

Sam nodded in agreement.

Deeks gawked at their insensitivity. "Okay. Or you know what else sounds like fun? Stabbing myself in the face with a fork."

Sam rolled his eyes and Callen just smirked. "Stop being so dramatic dude. It's all _pretending_, remember?"

A loud voice came on over the speakers in the room, stopping their playful teasing of Deeks.

Eric motioned for the guys to hush, and then turned on his earpiece. "Hey Kens- let me know if you can hear me."

There was a momentary silence. "Hahahaha- yeah!" She said, obviously trying to blend her words to Eric into whatever conversation she was having elsewhere.

"Roger that." Eric switched off his earpiece- if Kensi got caught talking to herself while she was with Paul, the repercussions would certainly not be good.

"Okay guys- we have her audio feed."

Granger sauntered into the room with purpose.

"Everything good?" He asked to nobody in particular.

They all nodded, except Deeks. In his mind, everything was definitely not _good. _Everything was really, really bad.

Sensing Deeks' animosity, Granger of course turned his attention directly to him.

"How are you doing Mr. Deeks?"

It was a rhetorical question, even though it wasn't phrased that way.

An angry frown creased his forehead. "Fine. Thanks." Deeks certainly wasn't going to let Granger know how much the man got under his skin, though he was sure that it was already readily apparent.

They all turned their focus back to the noises from Kensi's earpiece, and for a moment they could only hear footsteps crunching on the pavement, along with the sound of Kensi's delicate heels clacking about.

Quickly though, other sounds- voices, made themselves heard.

"You are a beautiful girl, you know that?"

Deeks felt sick to his stomach, and a lasting blaze of indignation burned furiously in his eyes. _It's not Kensi, _he had to keep reminding himself. _It's not her. _

The words he recited over and over again in his head didn't seem to work very well, as anger coursed through his veins.

Kensi laughed, her voice carrying throughout the room as she channeled her best valley girl accent. " I do get that a lot."

Deeks began to lower his head into his hands, but shot up out of his chair as she continued to laugh.

He stamped his foot in anger. "Nope. Nope. This is just…" Deeks trailed off, massaging his temple with force. "You know, Kensi didn't even want me to hear any of this."

He said it to everyone in the room, his hands making grand gestures as Deeks tried to get his point across. "She said it herself, so I am just gonna go," he spoke with his head down, beginning to make his way towards the exit.

Granger put his hand up in protest, and spoke calmly. "No your not. She is your partner, and you need to stay."

His calm tone somehow managed to make every word more infuriating than the last.

Callen somehow suddenly felt protective of Deeks, now that he was with Kensi. There was no way that he was going to allow Granger to push Deeks around like that, so he shot up from his seat, walking over to where they stood.

"Honestly Granger? You really can't cut them a break just this once? Kensi and Deeks are getting married in less than a _week_."

Kensi's laugh continued to travel throughout the room, with the occasional "Stop it!" or "You're too sweet!" interrupting their standoff.

Granger seemed to soften just the slightest bit at Callen's words, taking a deep breath and considering the proposition that had been laid out before him.

"Fine," he said stiffly while continuing his stare down with Callen. "You may go Mr. Deeks."

Deeks slipped out quietly, not wanting anything to do with the brewing argument between Callen and Granger.

He ran downstairs, only to begin pacing back and forth in front of his desk, before finally settling on the couch, which seemed like a much more comfortable option.

He just couldn't stand it. Granger was messing with his soon-to-be wife, and it wasn't going over well. Somehow, the temperature in the room seemed to rise as his balled fists began to turn white at the knuckles.

"Hey."

Deeks looked up to see Sam standing before him with a slight slouch, his hands in his pockets.

"Hi..."

Deeks wasn't entirely sure what he should say, so he assumed that he would just let Sam do all the talking.

"I'm sorry man," he started awkwardly, "I know this must suck."

He rolled his eyes, smirking through the pain. "Ya think?"

"Look. I know we haven't gotten along too well in the past, but-"

"I know, I know. You want me to be strong for Kensi. I got it."

Deeks didn't even seem to hear the words that Sam was saying, and it was aggravating, to say the least.

"No, that isn't what I was gonna say." He took a seat next to him, being as patient as he could. Sam was trying his best not to give him a hard time, under the circumstances.

"I- I think that you are good for Kensi."

The shock nearly robbed Deeks of his speech, but he quickly regained his voice.

"You gonna start gettin' all sentimental here Sam? Do I need to ask for your blessing before I marry her or something?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Look man- I'm serious. I have never seen Kensi so grounded and domestic; it's good for her."

Deeks felt his confidence soar. "Well thank you."

Sam didn't need him getting too cocky. "Just don't screw it up. She hates this just as much as you do, if not more," he said, regaining his tough guy attitude.

Deeks could see right through it. "Okay. Thanks man."

Sam nodded with just the slightest hint of a grin, and began to make his way upstairs, stopping halfway and turning around.

"You coming?"

Deeks laughed and pointed to his desk. "I think I'm gonna sit this one out. I have some, um, paperwork to do."

Sam bobbed his head understandingly with a sympathetic smile. "Yeah- paperwork."

* * *

"Hey guys."

Kensi was back on the screen, smiling at them through what looked to be a webcam camera.

After doing some paperwork and random organization for about two hours, Deeks eventually made his way back upstairs to ops when he saw Granger leave. There was no way in hell that he would be able to stand in the same room as that man without punching him. Or shooting him.

Deeks turned his focus to Kensi,who was wearing a black bodycon dress with her natural brown curls tousled slightly, and she looked simply stunning.

Deeks couldn't do anything other than gawk at her, mouth agape. He hadn't seen her at all since she went undercover- it was far too dangerous. So instead of being at home with him, she had been staying in a hotel, and the shock of seeing her in person was almost too much to bear. He just wanted to be with her, and the fact that he wasn't and some criminal was made everything ten times worse.

"Wow. You look… wow."

She showed him a glaring look, letting him know it was time to shut up.

"Really Deeks? Let's just focus on the case for now."

He swallowed hard, throwing his hands in the air. "Fine."

He didn't want to focus on the case. He actually wanted to get as far away from that damn case as possible.

She nodded. "Okay- so I have dropped a few listening devices around different parts of Paul's house, and it's not good. He sounds pretty eager to sell his two remaining nuclear weapons."

Sam and Callen just looked at each other and nodded. Deeks frowned, crossing his arms like a two year old. _His house? _Ugh.

"So what do you suggest?" Sam asked, not looking too happy about the situation either, but for different reasons. Nuclear weapons were bad news, and Deeks didn't really seem to care.

She shrugged, her brown curls falling off her shoulders slightly. "I am thinking that we need to broker some kind of a fake deal with him so that he'll finally come out of the shadows with the weapons. There is no way I am going to learn anything else from here- he certainly isn't giving up information that easily."

Granger walked back in just as she spoke. "That deal won't be necessary Ms. Blye."

She looked completely baffled. "Wait- what do you mean?"

"This is much bigger than any of you realize. I am passing this case along to the red team. You're work here is done."

Kensi's wrath became quite apparent as she shot Granger an icy glare, while Deeks' eyes were shining with delight.

She wanted the case to be over just as much as the next person, just not like _that_. One of the most unsatisfactory feelings was ending a case right smack in the middle of it.

Kensi liked to wrap them up nicely, sending the bad guys either to jail or burying them ten feet in the ground. She didn't care which- but one of them needed to be done.

It seemed unreal to her that Granger would have the nerve to pull a stunt like that. Putting her on a case that she didn't want to be on, and then pulling the rug out from underneath her just as she began to put all the pieces together. They were so close- if Granger let them keep the case than should be able to go home to Deeks, and Sam and Callen could somehow find a way to arrange a deal for the weapons.

The mounting exasperation tightened Kensi's throat, and Deeks would have sworn that he could see her temple throbbing through the camera feed.

"What am I supposed to tell him?" She asked, tossing her hands in the air.

Deeks stared at her in blank amazement, with a hint of sadness looming in his eyes. "Why the hell do you care how he feels?"

"No, no, not like that," she began to backtrack immediately. "I just mean what should I tell him is my reason for leaving? He already seems slightly suspicious of me, and if I up and leave out of the blue he will definitely think that something fishy is going on."

Granger didn't seem phased. "Tell him that you have to go back home or something okay? I honestly don't care- make it up. The red team will take care of any repercussions." Without another word, he sauntered out of the room, just as pompously as he came in.

Kensi knew it that moment with out a shadow of doubt that the entire case had just been some type of sick and twisted test from Granger. He wanted to see if she could handle working undercover while her fiancé was still her partner, and so far she had. Kind of.

She wasn't too sure about how Deeks had handled everything though, as she hadn't been there, and certainly did not want to bring it up with all the guys around.

She sighed, making her displeasure quite apparent through the camera lens. There was nothing she could do about the situation though, and she just needed to move on to the more important things at hand: her wedding.

It felt quite selfish to do, but Kensi knew that the red team would be able to handle the case, and she really did want to go home. She wanted to rebuild the wall of perfection back up around her and Deeks, the one that had momentarily turned to rubble a few days prior.

Deeks cleared his throat brashly, interrupting her thoughts. "So, are you-"

"Coming home? Yes." She spoke harshly and quickly, reaching her arm around to shut off the camera.

She stopped herself haltingly though, sheepishly and quietly adding, "Love you," before the screen went dark.

Sam chuckled, shaking his head in near disbelief. "That girl is a pistol, ya know that?"

Deeks smiled, his mind in another place, wondering what he would have to deal with when he got back to Kensi's apartment that night, so he responded with a simple answer.

"Trust me- I know."


	24. Tethered Together

**I got a bit sappy in this chapter, so sorry about that. Thanks so much for being patient in waiting for me to update this too. I wrote a ton on Sunday night, but I still didn't feel like it was ready on Monday. I don't want to rush anything in this story, so I am slowly writing and proofreading each and every day, as much as I can. Thank you for your continuous support and extreme awesomeness- I love your faces. =)**

**Please review as always, and let me know what you think!**

**-Hazel**

**P.S. Next chapter will be up in probably a few days, as it is the WEDDING CHAPTER! (Prepare yourselves;)**

* * *

Kensi sat on the couch in her apartment, which just happened to be the second to last piece of furniture that remained. Her hair was tousled, and her makeup smudged by the tears that came after she left her awkward video chat with Granger and the team.

They weren't sad tears, just the kind of tears that came when you were so furious that you cried. So angry that her entire body had quivered with intense anger and bitterness, overcome by Granger's antagonistic yet seemingly ostentatious tone.

He had come at her, _hard, _for heedless and inane reasons. Granger had wanted to prove to the team that he was an authority figure, and as a result of that Kensi had been thrown into the heat of the fire.

Kensi's head popped up as she heard the handle of her doorknob turn and her door slowly creak open.

"Hey," Deeks said breathlessly, his face still in an expression of shock.

"Hey." Kensi replied, swallowing as her voice quivered slightly.

Even with the smudged makeup and messy hair, she still managed to take his breath away.

"You look, um… beautiful."

She blushed, her posture suffering slightly as she sunk just a tad bit farther into the couch. "Thanks."

Deeks gave her half a smile- he loved making her cheeks flush to a bright pink hue.

"Well… I'm glad it's all over- right?" He phrased it as a question, wondering if he was allowed to be happy about the situation.

She thought for a moment as he continued to stand in the doorway. She was happy and angry at the same time, and still trying to figure out how the hell that was even possible.

"Don't get me wrong Deeks," she began, standing up to pace the length of her living room. "I'm glad too. I hate doing cases like that, and you know it. They are just awful and horrible and… weird. But I just can't stand Granger! I just-"

"Kens-"

She continued to pace back and forth, blinded by her own resentment. "-want to be able to finish the cases, ya know? Quitting is-"

"Kens?"

"-really not my thing, and I don't want to stop when we are so, so close to finding out the truth-

"Kens!"

She stopped where she stood, looking up to him with raised hands and a quiet tone. "What?"

He rolled his eyes and laughed, placing his hands in his pockets. "Granger is letting Sam and Callen take over the case."

She wagged her finger in the air and resumed pacing.

"That is just so like him! Granger is such an egotistical, conniving, narcissistic son-of-a…"

She stopped walking, and furrowed her brow. "Wait- what did you say?"

He grinned a crooked smile, and answered her question. "I said- Granger is letting Sam and Callen take over the case."

Kensi's scowl slowly morphed into a smile. A confused smile, but it was a smile still.

"What do you mean? He was being an ass-"

"I know. But he came around, I guess. Callen talked to him for awhile and then he apparently decided that they could handle everything. I was just as shocked as you are!"

She still wasn't sure if it was safe to be happy, so Kensi remained skeptical of Granger's sudden change of heart.

"So… you said he turned the case over to Callen and Sam? Not Callen and Sam and _us_?"

He turned his head to the side, his eyes beating into hers with a playful yet serious gaze.

"You aren't forgetting that we are getting married in like, five days right? It would really suck if one of us got shot before the wedding."

She contemplated his answer for a moment, and then eventually nodded. "Yeah, I can see why he'd do that."

They both took a deep breath, and made their way over to the couch, sinking down into it. Sadly there was no awaiting coffee table for Kensi to prop her feet up on, so instead she gladly turned to the side and crossed her legs over Deeks' lap.

"Well, I'm glad that at least our team still gets to keep the case. I wanna see how it plays out." She said finally, smiling and leaning her head up against the side of a decorative pillow.

Deeks began to pick at his nails. "Yeah… or you just wanna see your boyfriend again."

He spoke jokingly, but there was a bit of an edge to his tone. "I really don't like the guy."

Kensi raised her eyebrows. "Seriously Deeks? You do know that I am marrying you, right?"

He lowered his voice, avoiding her gaze. "I still don't like him."

By then she just laughed, ignoring Deeks' childish way of dealing with his feelings.

"Neither do I! Seriously, the dude is a creep. Which shouldn't be surprising, but still, somehow, it is."

"I know. I heard all his lovely _compliments_." He said bitterly, picking at his already torn cuticles.

Kensi's stare became quite somber as she dissected his words. "What do you mean? I told you not to listen in on any of it Deeks!"

She was mortified and fuming with anger, and the combination of those two emotions isn't great mix.

Deeks shrugged. "I didn't have a choice." He contemplated his words for a moment, cocking his head to one side.

"Well, Granger didn't give me a choice, actually. I tried to leave, and he wouldn't let me. Callen eventually defended me and told him to lay off, so he did." He smiled slightly thinking of Callen's brotherly defending of him.

"I went downstairs to my desk, and then back up a little while later when he left, just to see what was going on. That was when I video chatted with you, and he came in for a moment to talk to you. He was gone after that- it was the last I saw of him. I really don't know what happened… maybe Hetty talked some sense into him? She was the one who told me that Callen and Sam had the case."

Kensi wasn't really surprised; but Deeks' words still managed to piss her off. It actually was true then; Granger had been messing with them. They didn't need to take that stupid case in the first place, and once they got it, he just wanted to take it away again.

Hopefully they had passed his little test though, and Granger would allow them to continue to work together. She couldn't picture a worse wedding gift than being separated from her partner.

Kensi's demeanor, which had slowly been calming, turned to one of irritability yet again. "Do you think we passed?" Kensi asked, pushing her anger as far away as she possibly could, forcing a smile.

He looked up, freezing his hands and dropping them to the couch cushions with a thump. "Passed what?"

How could he always be so adorably oblivious? "All that back at OSP- it was totally a test! Don't you think? It was Granger trying to see if we can work together now that we are, ya know, _together."_

He knew she was right; Deeks just hadn't had a chance to think about it too much. He had felt that he was mad; but wasn't sure what the exact reasons were behind it.

Deeks suddenly became nervous- his behavior back at OSP wasn't very professional. It was justified, sure, but he wasn't certain that Granger would see it that way.

"Well, I-I don't know." He replied honestly, his anxiety palpable.

"Deeeeeks." She narrowed her eyes slightly, still playful. "What did you do?"

"Nothing!" He pushed his hands up in the air, professing his innocence. "I don't know… Granger and I argued, I guess. He let Callen and Sam take over the case though, so I seriously doubt that will amount to anything, and you know it."

Kensi sighed, lifting her legs off his lap and scooting into his side, burying her head in his chest.

"Yeah. Hopefully." She snuggled a tad closer into his side, letting the sound of his heartbeat drown out her own worries.

Though none of it was her fault, and working the case couldn't have been avoided, she still felt awful for all that Deeks was put through- it was because of her.

Some days, ilke that one in particular, she wondered if he would be better off without her. If Deeks should find some girl who loved to go to the beach and take walks with him and Monty. A person who was calm and not quick to anger like she was, or who would keep him safe from all the danger that she felt like she was constantly putting him in.

But the flaming jealousy that flared up inside her at that mere thought proved to her that they'd never be able to do that. They would never be able to separate themselves, as they were each other's second half. And though at times they put one another in danger, there was nothing that they could do about that.

In their lives, there was a universal truth that they had to live by; that no matter how much they tried, they wouldn't be able to protect themselves from all the crazy bastards that lived amongst them each and every day.

Their world was unpredictable and gloomy at times, as they dealt with the cruelest and barbarous parts of it on a daily basis. Kensi and Deeks were both certain though, that if they didn't have one another, the darkness would consume them. It would eat them alive, and they would begin to live their lives outside the walls of OSP as if they never left them.

They were to each other what many people searched for their entire lives, but never found. One another's beacon of hope. Their northern star, and their solid ground.

"I'm sorry," Kensi said quietly, her voice barely audible as her face was pressed up against his shirt.

Kensi could feel Deeks' hand stop moving through her hair, and he shifted forward slightly to meet her gaze. "For what?"

"I don't know Deeks, I just keep putting you through all this crap." She sat up, crossing her legs and wiping her left eye as a single tear nearly spilled over, but she caught it just in time and steadied her voice.

His smile faltered, only slightly, as he folded his arms across his chest. "Don't worry about it. Even if you weren't my partner, Callen and Sam would still find a way to put me through the ringer."

She looked down to her lap, fiddling with the frayed bottom of her jeans. "Sometimes, I just… I just wonder if maybe you were-"

He sat up tall and narrowed his eyes, his tone severe. "Don't you dare say that you think I would be better off without you, Blye. Because I wouldn't." He grabbed her hand and held it right there on her knee. "You're never getting rid of me. I love you."

"I know Deeks. I love you too." She smiled, but still seemed unsure. "But still, you have to deal with all of this crap," She said, gesturing down to her wrinkled dress and then back up to her smeared eyeliner.

"Normal girlfriends don't go on undercover missions in nightclubs while their boyfriend is sitting at work listening to the conversations."

He shrugged. "Well we aren't normal, so it really shouldn't come as any sort of a surprise."

Finally Kensi sighed and agreed, realizing that he was right. As if she hadn't already known it.

She moved over and resumed their previous cuddling position, with her head resting on Deeks' chest. "I just want us to continue being partners, Deeks. I can't loose that."

He kissed the top of her head, heart tearing a little. "It's gonna be fine. You are forgetting that Hetty wouldn't allow Granger to do anything," he vowed, praying that his words were true and not just a constant stream of empty promises.

* * *

"Owen! What in the world was all that?" Hetty asked from behind her desk, as she stared down the man who sat in front of her. She always had eyes and ears on every single operation that Callen's team executed, and Granger should have known that she would be listening in.

"What do you mean?" He answered, playing it cool.

Her eyes narrowed to slits as she leaned forward slightly, grasping the edge of her desk. "You don't mess with my team, Owen. It won't work out well."

"I think you forget, Henrietta, that I am _your _boss." He spoke coolly, completely nonchalant about the entire situation. "Don't get it twisted."

Raising her eyebrows, Hetty tried her very best not to react as hot searing rage throbbed painfully at her temples.

"I am not getting anything twisted. They are still my team, and you can't just pop up out of the blue and try to change everything." She thought for a moment, reaching over to grab her cup of tea. "What are you trying to change, anyway?"

Granger folded his hands tightly on his lap. "I don't think that Mr. Deeks and Ms. Blye should be partners any more."

Hetty certainly didn't see that one coming. She forcefully set down her teacup, and let her eyes beat into his with an unsettling gaze that could only come from Hetty.

"No. They are fine together, Owen. No." Hetty wouldn't let him split them up at work- there was just no way. She had told Deeks in the past that she was fine with them being together, and her infamous _Gunpowder and Sunshine _note had proven quite effective.

"Did you not see what happened upstairs?" Granger asked, pointing up the stairs. "Mr. Deeks was being completely unprofessional."

Hetty wanted to scream at him, but as always kept a cool exterior. "I believe that you were the one being unprofessional, Owen."

For the first time ever, he looked baffled. "Me?"

"Yes, you. Was it really necessary to try and make him stay? What is wrong with him leaving the room?" She made grand gestures with her hands, trying her best to make him stop being such a prideful and arrogant jerk. "And- taking the case away from them at the last minute?! That was absolutely ridiculous, and you know it."

Finally he was silent, and the slightest bit of guilt seemed to wash across his features.

Hetty carried on speaking after a short moment of silence. "They will continue to work together Owen, and I will make sure that they are fully cooperative and professional during work. Are we clear?"

He nodded and stood up from her desk, sheepishly beginning to walk away.

"Oh! Owen?"

Granger stopped and slowly turned around. "Yes?"

"I already notified the red team that Callen and Sam will be taking over this case, not them. Any objections?"

He was angry, which was apparent by the tone of his voice as it plunged into a low and grumpy tone.

"No. That will be fine."

Hetty smiled and let him leave, sitting back down at her desk to drink her rooibos tea in peace and quiet.

"Not a bad day after all."


	25. Forever and Always

**Ladies and gentlemen, what a crazy ride this has been. I have truly been blown away by your kind words and support- it's really incredible. I wanted to wrap everything up nicely, and this actually turned out to be the longest chapter that I have ever written, on any story. There won't be an epilogue, but I think this chapter sums everything up pretty nicely. I love you all so much, and I promise I will start another story in the near future. So, I present to you, the wedding. Please leave me your thoughts in the review section below!**

**-Hazel**

* * *

It was June 16th. The flawless white gown had been fitted, the perfect venue chosen. The blue skies were clear, no clouds in sight as Kensi stood on the balcony of her hotel room, gazing down at the beach below where her and Deeks would say their vows.

Butterflies fluttered about in her stomach as she viewed the small alter that they would stand under, it's plain iron bars covered in intricate and delicate flower arrangements that stretched all the way around.

White chairs were sat out on the beach in a uniform order, and the sand in the center aisle was bright and clean, just waiting for Kensi to sink her bare toes into it.

"Kens?" She whipped around to find Nell peering out the door, her eyes laced with excitement.

"Yeah," Kensi replied, pushing her hair away from her face and letting out a breath that she hadn't even realized she was holding.

Nell smiled, tipping her head down to shoot Kensi a knowing glance. "You nervous?"

She touched her head from shoulder to shoulder, unsure. "Kinda. I guess."

Nell waved her hand in the air. "Pssssh. Don't be. Your marrying _Deeks."_

Kensi looked slightly insulted by Nell's comment, and placed her hands on her hips. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh nothing! Don't shoot me girl," she said, winking. "I just mean it's, well, _Deeks. _He's already been your best friend for the past three years, what difference is marrying him?"

Kensi fidgeted where she stood, slipping her hands in the pockets of her jersey sweatshirt. "What makes you think he has been my best friend for so long?"

It was as if they had just rewound a few months, and Kensi was still pretending that she didn't have feelings for Deeks.

Nell rolled her eyes and playfully slouched her shoulders. "Seriously Kens? Are you really gonna deny it _now." _

Kensi glared at her jokingly, but knew she was right.

Nell began picking at her nails, and lowered her voice. "It's not like we haven't all known since the minute he became your partner that you would end up together. You've been crazy about him from the start. Was it supposed to be some form of a secret?"

She walked passed Nell inside to her hotel room, and plopped down on the bed. "Yeah, kinda."

Nell grinned and shot her yet another knowing look- the best friend always knows.

Kensi threw her hands up in the air in defeat. "Okay, I guess not."

Nell laughed and smiled, heading into the bathroom. "I rest my case. Now come in here and let me do your makeup!"

* * *

"Holy shit dude. This is really happening. You and Wikipedia are getting _married! _I mean, did I call it or what?" Ray stood in front of Deeks in his hotel room, adjusting the tie that Nell had insisted he wore.

Deeks grinned and laughed, looking down to the floor. "Yeah, I guess you were right all along."

Ray finished and patted his jacket. "Okay, I think that's done. Why the hell are you wearing a tie anyway? You're getting married on the beach in California- it seems a bit ridiculous."

Deeks shrugged and chuckled, thinking back to Nell's very specific commands. "It's all just instructions from the wedding planner- I do as I'm told."

Ray raised his eyebrows. "Wikipedia hired a wedding planner? Doesn't seem like her."

"It's our coworker and Kensi's friend. Not a _for-real_ wedding planner."

Ray glanced behind his shoulder out the window, taking in the venue. "It seems pretty professionally done to me."

Deeks shifted in his shirt and adjusted his tie, suddenly feeling a bit too warm. It was reaching eighty degrees outside, and he knew that once he got down by the water he would be nervous anyway, and didn't need the added pressure of being strangled by a tie.

"I'm gonna go talk to Nell. Ask her if I can go without it."

Callen popped his head out from around the corner. All the guys were acting as if they were groomsmen and getting ready together, even though the only two people that would be standing up at the alter with Kensi and Deeks were Ray and Nell.

"Dude! She's with Kens!"

Deeks didn't seem phased. "So what?"

"Have you never heard of bad luck? You can't see Kensi before wedding!" Callen shook his head in disbelief. "I've never been to a wedding, and somehow I still know these things."

Deeks smiled with a bit of a laugh. "I don't think Kensi will care. She won't even be in her dress yet!"

Sam chimed in from the other room. "Yes Deeks, she will care. And even if she didn't, Nell certainly will."

Deeks chuckled and waved his hand in the air. "You guys are being ridiculous. I also have something I need to give her… it's fine. I'll be right back."

He strolled out the door and into the elevator, going up one floor to the room where Nell and Kensi were getting ready.

He knocked on the door three times.

"Who is it?!"

Deeks could tell that it was a flustered Nell on the other side of the door.

"Prince Charming!"

Kensi was sitting on a vanity chair in the bathroom, curling her hair. She nearly dropped the scalding hot iron on her lap as she heard Deeks' voice from the hallway. "Deeks?" She whispered, only loud enough for her to hear.

Nell ran to the door and opened it just a crack. "Deeks! What are you doing here?! You can't see Kensi yet!"

He rolled his eyes and smiled. "Two things. That's all."

She glared and shook her head. "Fine, fine. What's up?"

"Okay. First of all, can I please do without the tie? Well, can all the guys do without the ties? It's really hot outside."

Nell opened her mouth to speak, but Kensi yelled out from the other room. "Yeah, that's fine Deeks. I don't need a sweaty husband."

He could hear the smile in her voice without even seeing her, and tried to imagine what she looked like.

"How ya doing Kens?"

She began to respond. "Well, I-"

Nell both hands up, one towards Deeks and the other towards Kensi, yelling loud enough for both of them to hear.

"No, no. You will be able to see each other soon enough. This is bad luck Deeks!"

Nell was doing enough work for them; Deeks wasn't going to give her too much of a hard time.

"Alright, fine," he said, putting his hands up. "Just give this to Kensi for me."

Deeks held out a letter to Nell, with _Kensi _scribbled on the envelope in Deeks' messy penmanship.

Kensi heard their exchange from the other room, and quickly poked her head out around the corner. "Nell! Come here!"

Nell held up her pointer finger to Deeks, muttered, "One sec," and shut the door in his face.

"What?"

"Here," Kensi said, holding out an envelope to Nell. "Give him this."

She rolled her eyes, but Nell still couldn't help but smile. "You two are nauseating."

Nell handed her Deeks' note with a grin, and shooed Kensi back into the bathroom.

She swung the door open again, this time just a tad bit wider. "Here, this is from Kensi. Now go back to your room and get ready!" She winked, trying to alleviate all stress from her voice. "We'll see ya down there."

He nodded and she shut the door. Deeks remained motionless where he stood, staring down at Kensi's letter in his hands. His heart rate quickened just slightly, and he couldn't help but think back to their first few days in the hospital, when Kensi was hooked up to the heart monitor and it seemed as if he could hear every thought she had, merely based off of the rapid increase in her heart beat the minute he walked through the door.

"My, how things have changed." He whispered, stepping away from Kensi's room and back towards the elevators.

* * *

Nell stepped back into the room and saw Kensi standing exactly where she had left her, one hand placed gently on the seam of the note that Deeks had so delicately sealed, as if she was afraid to open it.

"Well, what are you waiting for girl?!" Nell said, nearly jumping up and down with excitement. "Rip into it!"

Kensi looked up and smiled as Nell pulled her out of the trance that she had been so quickly pulled into. She pointed towards the deck.

"I'm gonna read this out there, I'll be right back."

Nell crossed her arms; she desperately wanted know what Deeks had written, but assumed that Kensi would tell her soon enough.

"Alright- just don't take too long, kay? I need to finish up your hair."

Kensi nodded, and swiftly made her way outside, the smell of the salt water drifted up to her nostrils and she inhaled deeply, taking it all in. She sunk into a shady lawn chair, and gingerly opened up the envelope. Inside she found a folded up piece of printer paper, and opened it up to find a long, handwritten note from Deeks.

_Dear Kens,_

_Hey there. So I guess we're getting married today. I'm pretty pumped about it. __Needless to say, I didn't sleep a wink last night. _

___I_'m really glad that you said yes when I asked a few weeks ago, because I don't know where I would be in my life without you. Also, the ensuing conversation would have been really awkward. 

_I know this has been a rough past week, but we got through it. It's our lives, and although they can suck sometimes, even Granger can't screw up today. _

_Now this next part is gonna sound kinda sappy, but we are getting married, so it's expected._

_When I look at you I see this perfect person, and then there's me, this weird crazy guy with all these problems and I don't know why you chose me. I'm just really glad that you did._

_I am not sure exactly when or where I fell in love with you, it just happened. That first day in the gym may have been it- as you well know, I remember exactly what you were wearing, how you looked. I can picture it all so vividly. B__lack tanktop, jeans, bag that goes over the shoulder. Hair down, wavy._

_The more I tried to hide my feelings from you, the more they showed. And eventually, one day, it seemed like everyone knew we should be together except you and I. Then, luckily, we figured it all out. Even though it wasn't a very fun way to figure it out, we still did. And I am so glad that we did. _

_Just know that I am uncontrollably and irreconcilably in love with you, forever and always._

_-(The guy who is madly in love with you.) A.K.A. Deeks_

She gasped upon reaching the end, her fingertips tracing over the last few words on the piece of paper. A single tear fell from her eye, leaving a drop of salty water on the note, smudging a word or two.

Kensi laughed as she cried, showing once more the strange mix of emotions that she had come to know all too well over the past few months.

Nell tapped on the window, startling Kensi. She slid the door open just a hilt.

"Honey, you're gonna screw up your makeup! Your mom will kill me if she sees any smeared mascara today- she ought to be here in a few minutes."

As Nell grabbed Kensi and plopped her back down on the vanity chair in the bathroom, she glanced down to the note in Kensi's hand and grinned.

"Also, I need to read that note later," she said, reaching down to the counter to pick up a concealer stick.

"Only Deeks could write something that would make stone-cold Kensi Blye cry."

* * *

Meanwhile, one floor above Kensi, Deeks sunk into a chair in his hotel room among a cluster of guys. He hoped to disappear and read the note in silence without being disturbed, but he had no such luck.

"What's that?" Eric asked as he walked in off the deck, where he had been getting some fresh air from the strong and saturated smell of cologne that filled the room.

Deeks tapped his foot nervously. "It's a note from Kens."

"Well," Eric said, gesturing to it. "Are you gonna open it?"

Deeks just glared. "Yeah, I am. Preferably in private."

Eric continued to smile and nod, oblivious to Deeks' hint.

"Oh!" He exclaimed finally, "you should go out on the deck. I'll be in here. Sorry."

Deeks smiled and stood up, patting Eric on the back.

"Don't sweat it."

He did just about the exact same thing that Kensi had done when opening Deeks' letter, he was just one floor beneath her.

Unlike her though, Deeks didn't hesitate.

He tore through the envelope to find a letter bearing a striking resemblance to his; it was written on basic printer paper, and folded up into a nice neat rectangle. He slowly unfolded it to reveal Kensi's distinct handwriting.

_Dear Marty,_

_Damn it feels strange to write your first name, and I honestly can't remember the last time I wrote that down. So instead, I guess I'll just say Deeks. _

_Deeks- I want to spend a lifetime with you. I can't see myself ever being with anyone else, for the rest of my life. Neither one of us are perfect, but we are perfect for one another. You're the only one for me. _

_Sometimes two people love one another, and are too shy to admit it, yet they show it anyway. I realized the other day- that was us. Well, for awhile at least. I realized that I have loved you for years- it all kind of hit me back at the hospital one day. _

_You used to drive me mad, but slowly the things that annoyed me about you (and still do sometimes) became the parts of you that I love the most. You make me laugh, which isn't always a very easy thing to do. And I love you for it._

_I want __us. __I want all of it. I want to wake up to your adorable sleepy voice every morning. I want the pointless bickering, the long walks on the beach with Monty, the late night phone calls, the good morning texts. I want to act like idiots, to make food for you (occasionally), to call you babe. The joking, the wrestling, the fights, the Top Model marathons. I want people to constantly ask us if we are together, because we act like it. So pretty much, I want you. I love you._

_You always have my back, and I know that now. I promise._

_-Kensi Blye_

_(P.S. Don't you dare show the guys this note, or I will personally kick your ass.)_

Deeks read the last sentence and laughed, shaking his head. Kensi had managed to write the perfect note- it was something he knew she would never say aloud.

He would, defiantely, but she just never would. Saying your feelings verbally wasn't a very _Kensi _thing to do. But writing it down on paper, so he could carry it with him forever, now that was just perfect.

Folding the note up delicately, he placed it in his pocket and looked back up. Deeks jumped, shocked at the sight of Eric, Sam, Callen, and Ray peering in from the window.

"Seriously guys? This is kinda private!"

They all immediately pulled back, and somehow Eric managed to hit his head on the glass in the process.

Deeks chuckled, and Ray opened up the sliding class door. He leaned against the doorway, tapping his watch.

"Come on man. It's time for you and Wikipedia to say _I Do."_

* * *

Deeks' heart raced as he dug his bare toes deep into the sand, and placed his hands in his pockets, just as he always did when he was nervous. Nell was already standing to his right; Ray on his left.

He turned around just a tad, taking in the striking view of the sea that was behind him, trying his best to avoid the prying eyes of their guests- especially Kensi's mom.

The soft music began to play and the guests rose from their seats. Deeks took in a deep breath, but it was no use. The moment Kensi stepped into his line of sight, his mouth dropped wide open.

Her dress was a stunning strapless gown with a delicate sweetheart neckline, to show off her incredible collarbones. The natural brown locks that she usually wore had been curled into a wavy fashion, and two pieces were been pinned up behind her head, with a small blue barrette from her mom holding them in place. Kensi's tanned skin glistened in the bright sun, and she shot Deeks a nervous smile.

Ray leaned in towards him slightly. "Drawing flies, Deeks."

"Oh," he whispered, closing his mouth just a bit.

She continued to make her way toward him, carrying a small bouquet of mint green carnations, along with white roses and tulips.

Once Kensi reached Deeks' side, he extended one hand out towards her, his fingers wrapping around hers. She walked towards him just two steps, and Nell quickly jumped to Kensi's side, adjusting the short train of her dress so it ran straight.

"It's really big." She whispered barely audibly, gesturing down to the ball of tulle that surrounded her legs.

Without missing a beat, Deeks replied with a cheeky smile and a wink. "That's what she said."

Kensi attempted to stifle the laugh that wanted to escape her lips, but there was no use. She let out a single snort, swiftly moving her hand up to cover her mouth and red cheeks. For a moment their small crowd of friends were quiet, but quickly let out a group laugh.

The minister smiled, laughing along with the crowd momentarily, and began the ceremony.

"Kensi and Martin-"

Kensi raised her eyebrows at the use of Deeks' full first name, as she so seldom heard it.

"-today you celebrate one of life's greatest moments and give recognition to the worth and beauties of love, as you join together in the vows of marriage."

Kensi had made it very clear to Nell that she didn't want some long, drawn out ceremony. She wanted to marry Deeks, plain and simple, so it wasn't to be very long.

"So," the minister began, "Martin, do you take Kensi to be your wife?"

Deeks stared at Kensi, his blue eyes misty with tears. They glared into hers, his gaze unwavering. "I do."

"Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, forsaking all others and holding only unto her?"

Deeks squeezed Kensi's hand. "I do."

The minister then looked at Kensi, who had her eyes glued to Deeks'.

"Kensi, do you take Martin to be your husband?"

Tears were begin to flow now from almost everyone there, and as she heard he mother choke a bit on her own cries, Deeks lifted one hand away from hers to wipe a single tear from Kensi's cheek.

She grinned, intertwining her hand in his again as he lowered it back down. "I do."

"Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, forsaking all others and holding only unto him?"

"I do."

Nell was having a hard time containing her excitement, and began to bob up and down where she stood.

The minister looked around for a split second. "May I see the rings?"

Kensi glanced back at Nell, who nodded to Eric. He grinned and stood up from his seat, only to reveal that Monty had been sitting with him the entire time.

Deeks' favorite pup had a little pillow tied to his back, and nestled on it were two rings, one with diamonds and one without.

The crowd let out one resounding "awww," as Eric walked around to the start of the aisle, letting Monty off his leash to run towards his owner without any hesitation.

"Sit," Ray said, and Monty obeyed. "Good boy."

Deeks couldn't help but laugh as Ray untied the rings from the pillow, and Monty continued to sit by his feet.

"Now, Martin, you may recite your vows."

They written their own vows, rather than reciting straight from the minister.

Deeks cleared his throat, pulling a sheet of paper from his pocket. "Kens," he began, grabbing her left hand. "You have been my _partner_ for years, but today I take you as a different kind of partner- my partner for life."

Nell was fully crying at this point, and from back in the crowd you could hear Eric whimpering slightly as well.

"As I wrote in the note I gave you earlier, I am undeniably in love with you, and have been for quite some time. I love you for your beauty, your intelligence, your kindness...and for the way you always know how to make every situation right. You make me laugh. You let me cry. You are my breath, and my every heartbeat. You are more of an amazement to me, as each and every day I remember how incredible you are, and honestly I don't know what I would do without you."

"Now that you're stuck with me forever, I promise to help shoulder our challenges, as there is nothing we cannot face if we stand together. I promise to be your partner in all things, working with you as a part of the whole. Lastly, I promise to you perfect love and perfect trust, for one lifetime with you could never be enough. This is my sacred vow to you, my equal in all things." He cleared his throat, tears dangerously close to spilling over her lids.

The minister handed Deeks Kensi's glistening diamond ring.

Deeks slipped the diamond band onto Kensi's ring finger, his own hand shaking. "With this ring, I thee wed."

Kensi blinked back tears, but it was no use. There was a short silence, which was easily filled by the sound of waves crashing against the shore and Kensi's mom crying.

Deeks grinned, turning his attention to the minister. "Can I kiss her yet?"

The crowd laughed, and Kensi blushed.

"No, not quite yet," he said, handing Kensi Deeks' ring. "Now, Kensi, you may recite your vows."

She turned around to a sniffling Nell, who handed her a folded up piece of paper. Deeks glanced down at it, trying to peer at what Kensi was going to say. As he had remembered earlier, Kensi wasn't really the _say your feelings aloud_ type.

Still though, Kensi cleared her throat and began to speak, her voice surprisingly steady and calm.

"Deeks- somehow, since the day you came into my life, you always knew what to do with the broken pieces. You knew how to fix me, and make me better even when I didn't know how. You always make me laugh, which can be very hard to do at times. I promise I will always be your ally in conflict and your toughest adversary, but still, your biggest fan. You have been my best friend, playmate, confidant and my greatest challenge. But most importantly, you are the love of my life and you make me happier than I could ever imagine and more loved than I ever thought possible..." She looked up from her note, and handed it back to Nell. She didn't even need it anymore.

"You have made me a better person, and have given me a life I never even thought I wanted. So I am truly blessed to be a part of your life, which as of today becomes our life together. I will love you- forever and always." She said, reciting the last line of Deeks' letter as the last line of her vows.

She slipped the silver band onto Deeks ring finger. "So- with this ring, I thee wed."

Kensi giggled a bit- everything still so felt surreal.

"Kensi and Martin, in so much as the two of you have agreed to live together in Matrimony, have promised your love for each other by these vows, I now declare you to be Husband and Wife." The minister smiled at Deeks, who by that point was practically standing on his toes.

"_Now, _you may kiss your bride."

Deeks leaned towards her without a second of trepidation, wrapping her up in a long slow kiss, as their crowd of friends stood up and applauded. Any remaining anxiety left him and all that was left was joy. It wouldn't have to be temporary anymore though- it was going to last a lifetime.

"I now present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Martin Deeks!"

Callen and Sam stood in the front row, Callen smirking and Sam shaking his head while they clapped. "Now who would of thought that _this _would actually be happening. To Kensi, of all people."

Callen just shrugged and looked back up to front as Deeks finally released Kensi from his iron grip, and they began to make their way back down the aisle. Deeks grinned at Sam and Callen as he walked by, leaning over towards them while Kensi gave her mom a hug.

"Not bad, right boys?" He said with a wink and his best crooked smile.

Callen laughed. "Not bad at all."

Deeks reached for Kensi's hand and grabbed it, pulling her the rest of the way down the aisle until they were back inside, away from the crowd of friends and family that followed them.

Deeks spotted two chairs in the corner of the small room, and lead her towards them.

They sunk down, and Deeks pulled Kensi close to his side. "My vows were pretty great, huh?"

Kensi immediately rolled her eyes, secretly loving every word he said.

"You're a smooth talker, I'll give you that." She laughed, resting her head on his shoulder.

"We're married, Deeks."

"We really are." It somehow seemed to hit him all at once, as if the past hour hadn't actually been real.

"You promise?"

_Promise_. The word resolved slowly in Deeks' mind, soft, sweet and undeniably profound.

"Yeah," he sighed, pressing his lips to the top of her head. "I promise."


End file.
